CLARA BARTON SPEECHES & WRITINGS FILE Books The Story of My Childhood Manuscripts Handwritten copyIt was may - The cherry trees were in bloom. For the first time in three year I had been able to sit for an evening among a company of persons - invalids like myself seeking strength and try to entertain them with some remembrances of bygone days. I see it still, the broad old parlor of that grand old Hillside Home the mother and inspiration of all the hundreds of sanitarians and health restoring institutions of the country today. I had made my home near it, at the foot of the blooming orchard. Down among the trees and twittering robins next morning came one of my betters - a broad shouldered manly looking man with a face full of beguine intelligence that once seen it never to be forgotten. He came playfully in at the open door merrily shaking off the cherry blossoms like the large flakes of early snow - - an entire stranger to me until the merious evening. He seated himself and entered into [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 2 conversation with a familiar ear that bespoke the cultured gentleman; after a few minutes he turned earnestly to me, with "Miss Barton I have an errand in coming to you. I have a request to make." I replied that I "hoped I should be able to comply" He hesitated, as if thinking how to commence, but at length said, "I want you to recall and write the first thing you remember, the very first event that made sufficient impression upon you to be remembered. I waited in silence, and he went on - "and then, I want you to write the next, and then the next, and the next, and so on, until you have written all - everything connected with yourself, and your life that you can recall. I want it, we want it. - the world wants it, and again I ask you to do it." Can you promise me? His earnest manner demanded an earnest reply. I could not promise to do it - but would promise to consider it. This was in the spring of 1986. I have never forgotten [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*]3/ 3 the request through all these twenty six busy years, and have carefully kept the promise to consider it, and tonight take my pencil to describe the first moment of my life that I remember. By the dates I must have been nearly two and a half years old, for I was born on christmas day and now the lilacs were in bloom. It was a rather newly built country home where I had commenced my earthly pilgrimage--and being the youngest by a dozen or so years, of a family of two brothers & two sisters, I naturally lacked child playmates, and was left much to my own entertainment. On this occasion I must have been enjoying a ramble by myself in the grass green door yard with the broad hand hewn door step and the traditional lilacs on either side. suddenly my resounding cries brought the whole family to the door in alarm, my wailing took on the form of a complaint, expressed with my best linguistic ability "Baby loss im" - pity, pity bird - Baby loss im -. Baby mos caught im, pity bird -, Baby mos caught im - At length they suceeded in inducing me to listen to a 4 4 question - "But where did it go Baby"? among my heart breaking sobs I pointed to a small round hole under the door step - The terrified scream of my mother remained in my memory forever more. Her Baby had "mos caught" a snake -MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO AMERICAN RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C. MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO AMERICAN RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.5+ 5+ I recall nothing more for nearly a year and a half when my terrors again took possession - An esteemed and greatly beloved member of the family had died, the funeral services would be held four miles away. All the household would attend excepting myself and the younger of my two brothers Davis some sixteen years old who was to act as body guard, doubtless under strict orders. I can picture the large family sitting room with its four open windows which room I was not to leave, my guardian was to remain near me - some outside duty called him from the house and was left to my own observations - A sudden thunder shower came up. The massive rifts of clouds rolled up in the east, and the lightning darted among them like blazing fires - the thunder gave them language - and my terrified imagination endowed them with life Among the animals of the farm was a huge old ram that doubtless had upon some occasion taught me to respect him, and of which I had a mortal fear. My terrors transformed those rising rolling clouds into a whole heaven full of Angry rams marching down upon me - again my scream alarmed, and the poor brother conscience stricken that he had left his charge rushed breathless in to find me on the floor in hysterics - a condition of things he had never seen - and neither memory nor history related how either of us got out of it. [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 6 6 In these later years I have observed that writers of sketches in a friendly desire to compliment me - have been wont to dwell upon my courage, representing me as personally devoid of fear, not even knowing the feeling - however correct that may ever have been or may have become, I evidently was not constructed that way, as in all the earlier years of my life I remember nothing but fear. 7/ [*7*] There can be no doubt that my advent into the family was at least a novelty. as the last. before me was a beautiful blue eyed curly haired little girl of a dozen summers -- that the event was probably looked for with interest is shadowed in the fact of the preparations made for it. The still existing few pieces in my possession testify to the purchase of a full complete and withal rather aristocratic dinner set of "Old Willow", which did faithful service many years; and the few remaining bits of dainty pink and white like of the tea set to match which told the fortunes of many a merry party that learned their reality through still later years not all Pink and White. I became the seventh member of a household consisting of the father and mother - two sisters and two brothers, each of whom for his and her intrinsic merits and special characteristics deserves an individual history which it shall be my conscientious duty to portray as these pages progress - For the present it is enough to say that each one manifested an increasing personal interest in the new commer, and as soon as developments permitted, set about instructing her in the various directions most in accord with the taste, and pursuits of each, - of the two sisters the elder was already a teacher - the younger followed soon, and naturally my book education became their first case and under these conditions it is little to say that [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 8/ [8] that I have no knowledge of ever learning to read, or of a time that I did not do my own story reading. The other studies followed very early. My eldest brother Stephen was a noted mathematician. He inducted me into the mysteries of figures. Multiplication division subtraction halves quarters and wholes, soon ceased to be a mystery and no toy equalled my little slate - But the younger brother he of the thunder storm and hysterics had intensely other tastes and would have none of these things. My father was a lover of horses, an done of the first in the vicinity to introduce blooded stock. He had large lands, for New England. He raised his own colts and Hilanders, Virginians and Morgans by the sand prance over the fields in idle contempt of its solid old farmhouses. Of the brother David to say that he was "fond of horses" describes nothing one could almost add that he was fond of nothing else - he was the Buffalo Bill of the surrounding country - and here commences his part of my education - It was his delight to take me a little four or 5 year old to the field, seize a couple of those beautiful young creatures broken only to the halter and bit, and gathering the reins of both bridles firmly in hand throw me upon the back of one colt - spring upon the other himself and catching me by one foot and bidding me cling fast to the main - gallop away over field and and fen in and out among the other colts in wild glee like ourselves - They were merry rides we took. - This was my riding school. I had [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*]9 never any other, but it served me well. To this day my seat in a saddle or on the back of a horse is as secure & trusted as in a rocking chair and far more pleasurable. Sometime in the far off years, when I have found myself suddenly on a strong horse in a troopers saddle flying for life or liberty in front of hot pursuit I learned the baby lessons of the wild gallops among the beautiful colts. Various as were the topics of instruction pursued by my youthful tutors my father had still others. He was Captain Stephen Barton had served as a non commissioned officer under Genl Wayne (Mad [Anthony) in the French and Indian Wars on the then Western frontier-- His soldier habits and tastes never left him, those were also strong political days, Andrew Tu dour days, and very naturally my father became my instructor in military and political lore. I listened breathless to his war stories, illustrations were called for, and he made battles, and fought them, every shade of military etiquette was regarded- Generals, Colonels, Captains and Sergeants were given their proper place & rank and so with the political world--The President, Cabinet, and leading officers of the government were learned by heart--and nothing gratified the keen humor of my father more than the parrot-like readiness with which I lisped there often difficult names and the accuracy with which I repeated them upon questioning. My elder sister with a teachers intuition mistrusting that my ideas on these points might be remembered vague confidences [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 10 drew from me one day my impressions in regard to the personages whose names I handled so glibly, and to the amusement of all the family, found that I had no conception of their being men like other men but I had invested them with miraculous size--and competence. I thought the President might be as large as the meeting house and the Vice President perhaps the size of the school house. And yet I am not going to say that even this laughable instruction had never any value for me--When later I like all the rest of our country people was suddenly thrown into the meshes and mysteries of war--and had to find & take my place and part in it--I found myself far less strange to the conditions than most women or even ordinary men for that matter--I never addressed a colonel as Capt. [or] got my cavalry on foot nor mounted my infantry. My mother, I think like the sensible woman that she was seeming to conclude that there was plenty of instruction without hers, attempted very little, but rather regarded the whole thing as a sort of mental conglomerate and looked on with a kind of amused curiosity to see what they would make of it--Indeed I once [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*]"heard her remark many years after that I came out [11] with a more [?] head than she would have thought possible. My home instruction was by no mean permitted to stand in the way of the "regular school", which consisted of two terms each year of three months each. The winter included not only the large boys and girls, but in reality the young men and young women of the neighborhoods. An exceptionally fine teacher often threw the daily attendance of advanced scholars for several miles. Our district had this good fortune I introduce with pleasure, and write with reverence the name of Richard Stone--a fairly set handsome young of 25 yr man of commanding figure and presence a fine scholar--possessing all the elements of a teacher with a discipline never questioned, his glance of disapproval was a reprimand his frown something he never needed go beyond. His love and respect of his pupils exceeded even their fear,--it was so uncommon though for summer teachers to come 20 miles to avail themselves of the mentor term of Colonel Stone for he was a high military officer and at that young age has a settled man with a family if fine little children he had married at eighteen. I am thus particular in my description of him both because of my childish worship of him, and because I shall have occasion to refer to him later. The opening of his first term was a signal for the Barton family, and seated on the strong shoulder of my stalwart brother Stephen I was taken a mile through the tall drifts to school.--I have often questioned if in this movement there might not [12] have been a bit of mischievous curiosity on the part of those not at all dull youngsters to see what my performance at school might be-- I was of course the baby of the school, I recall no introduction to the teacher but was set down among the mass of scholars in the by no means spacious room, with my spelling book and the traditional slate from which nothing could separate me I was seated on one of the low benches, and sat very still. At length the majestic school master seated himself, and taking a primmer called the class of little ones to him. He pointed the letters to each--I named them all, and was asked to spell some little words--dog cat etc--whereupon I hesitatingly informed him that I "did not spell there"--"Where did I spell-- "I spell in artichoke," that being the leading word in the three syllable columns in my speller. He good naturally conformed to my suggestion, and I was put into the "Artichoke class" for the winter, to bear my part and read and "spell for the head." When after a few weeks by brother Stephen was declared by the "committee" to be too advanced for a common school and proceed in charge of an important school himself, my unique transportation resolved upon the other Brother David. No colts now but solid siding through the high New England drifts.13 [The next may opened the summer school.] The Rev M Mensiur of the Episcopalian church of Leicester if I recollect aright - had wisely comprehending the grevious inadaptability of the school book of that date had compiled a small geography and atlas suited to young children known as Mensers Geography. It was a morality, as well as a beneficence - nothing of its kind having appeared to makers of the school books of that day seemed not to have recognized the existence of a state of childhood in the intellectual creation During the winter I had become the happy possesser of a Mensiurs Geography & atlas It is questionable if my satisfaction was fully shared by others of the household - I required a great deal of assistance in the studdy of my maps -, I became so interested that I could not stop - and was not willing that others should, but persisted in making my poor drowsy sisters in the cold winter - - - - nights to sit up in bed and by the light of a tallow candle help me to find mountains - rivers - countries oceans lakes islands isthmous channels - cities towns, capitols -- The next may opened the summer school taught by miss Susan Torrey again I write the name reverently - as 14 14 as a name gracing one of the most perfect [of] personalities I was not alone in my childish admiration , for her memory remained a loving reality in the town long years after the gentle spirit fled. My sisters were both teaching other schools and I must make my own way which i did, walking a mile with another little school mate, entered the wide open door of the portentious building - Trembling with anxiety and excitement armed -- with some most unsuitable reader. a Shelley book -- geography, atlas and slate I was siezed with an intense fear at finding myself, with no member of the family, and my trepidation became so visible that the gentle teacher relieving me of my burden of books took me tenderly on her lap and did her best to reassure and calm me -- At length I was given my seat with a desk in front for my atlas my toes at least a foot from the floor and that became my daily happy home for the next three months + Of the succeeding years six seven & eight I recall little of note - Col Stone had closed his series of common schools and opened a special school on Oxford Plain, known as Oxford High School Its fame had spread for miles and it was regarded as a sure stepping stone or open door to Harvard or Yale. My brother Stephen had succeeded him in the winter time of the home school and my sisters mainly had charge of the summer -14 1/4 Dysentery 14 1/4 Following this summer I partially recall a circumstance which must have occurred when I was five years old. The features which I could not have personally remembered must have been supplied by later relations. It seems that I was suddenly discovered to be alarmingly ill. In response to the terror of the moment the saddle was thrown on Black Stallion, the king of the herd his rough rider mounted as soon, and away for the doctor on Oxford Plain five miles distant - not at home - out on a professional drive - followed to Sutten Street six miles further gone from there - back over Hog Hill - and across the town to the west - at length overtaken and brought back at a speed little less than that which had called him, for he was a fearless driver. The thunder of the flying hoofs and the speed of the rider had alarmed the people they had passed, all the town knew the horse and the rider, and knew as well that something bad had happened at Capt Bartons - Men dropped their work harnessed then our teams and drove with all haste to see if perchance it were any thing in which they could help - When the Doctor arrived the yard and road were filled with people waiting his coming and diagnosis - After a little the verbal [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 14 1/2 14 1/2 bulletin went out, a sudden, unaccountable and probably fatal attack of bloody dysentery and convulsions. There was no more for the sympathetic neighbors to do, they turned sadly away and with them went the report that Captain and Mrs Barton had lost their little baby girl. Of all this I have naturally no recollection neither do I know the lapse of time till memory again got hold, but her first grasp of the event was this. I had occupied as a bed a great cradle which had been made for some grown invalid, and preserved in the household. I was bolstered up in this cradle with a little low table at the side on which was my first meal of solid food. How I had been previously nourished I do not know, but I can see this meal as clearly as it had been yesterday. A piece of brown bread crust about two inches square, rice and Indian baked on the oven bottom, a tiny wine glass, my christmas gift full of home made blackberry cordial and a wee bit of my mothers well cured old cheese. There was no need to caution me to eat slowly. Knowing that I could have no more and in dread of coming to the last morsel, I nibbled and sipped and swallowed till I mercifully fell asleep from exhaustion. There are a good many men over the country who would readily believe that sometimes at this end of a long [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] [*X*] 14 3/4 14 3/4 fast food might have tasted very good to me as well as to them - but no food through the longest fact ever had the relish of that brown bread crust and no royal table has ever been so kingly as that where I presided alone over my own feast Of the succeeding years six, seven, and eight I recall little of note, excepting a propensity I indulged for writing verses, many of which were preserved to amuse, others to tease me for many years Col. Stone had cleared his reserves of common schools and opened a special institution on "Oxford Plane", known as the "Oxford High School". Its fame had spread for miles around, and it was regarded as a stepping stone, or open door to Harvard and Yale My Brother Stephen had succeeded Col Stone in the winter terms of the home school and my sisters mainly had charge of them in the summer [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 15 15 Thus six months of each year offered little change, the others were long vacations in which the out of doors played by far the most prominent part. There were gardens and flower beds to be made, choice pet animals to look after. - a few needy families with little children to be thought of, and some sewing to be attempted, these latter were in accordance with my mothers' recommendation. I recall no season of dolls, and believe they were never inducted in my curriculum. But meanwhile I fell heir to my mothers side saddle, a beautiful piece of workmanship, and with some difficulty learned to adjust myself to it. a rather useless adjustment it seemed to me at the time. - which opinion I still entertain. These were years of change in the family, my brothers had become of age, and were young men of strength, character and enterprise. They had "bought best" as the term went, the two lease farms of my father and commenced business in earnest for themselves. My father had purchased another farm of some 900 acres a few miles nearer the center of the town - This was piece of note having been one of the points used for security against the Indians by the old Hugeunot Settlers of Oxford16 16 and which made the term historic. Their main defense was on Fort Hell still several miles beyond. I was naturally greatly interested in all their changes, and no doubt gave them all the time I could spare from my increasing studies-. I can recollect even now that my life seemed very full for a little girl of eight years - During the preceding winter I began to hear talk of my going away to school, and it was decided that I be sent to Colonel Stones High School, to board in his family, and go home occasionally This arrangement I learned in later years, had a double object - I was, what is known as a bashful child,- timid in the presence of other persons,- a condition of things it was found impossible to correct at home,- and it was in the hope of overcoming this unbecoming maurais bronte that it was decided to throw me among strangers. How well I remember my advent; My father took me in his carriage with a little dressing case which I dignified by the opposition of a trunk - something I had never owned - it was April, cold and bare. The house and school rooms adjoined and seemed enormously large - the household was also large, the long family table with the dignified preceptor my loved and feared teacher of three years at its head seemed to me [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 17 something formidable. There were probably 150 pupils daily in the ample schoolrooms, of which I was perhaps the youngest, except the colonel's own children. My studies were chosen with great care. I remember among them, Ancient history with charts. The lessons were learned, to repeat by rote. I found difficulty both in learning the proper names and in pronouncing them, as I had not quite outgrown my lisp. One day I had studied very hard on the Ancient Kings of Egypt and thought I had everything perfect, and when the scholar next me failed to give the name of a reigning King I answered very promptly that it was "Potlomy." The Colonel checked with a glance the rising laugh of the older members of the class, and told me, very gently, that the "P. was silent in that word"- I had however seen it all, was so overcome by mortification for my mistake, and gratitude for the kindness of my teacher, that I burst in tears and was kindly permitted to leave the room. "I am not sure that I was really homesick, but the days seemed very long, especially Sunday: I was in constant dread of doing something wrong; and one Sunday afternoon I was sure I 18 18 had found my occasion. It was early spring - the tender leaves had put out, and with them the buds and half open blossom of the little cinaman roses an unfading ornamentation of a well kept New England home of that day. The children of the family had gathered in the front yard, admiring the roses and even daring to pick each a little boquet - as I stood admiring mine, the heavy door at my back swung open and there stood the colonel in his long bright dressing gown and slippers direct from his study. A kindly spoken - "come with me Clara" nearly took the last breath. I followed his [long] strides through all the house - up the long flight of stairs, through the halls of the school rooms - in silent wonder what I had done more than the others - I knew he was by no means wont to spare his own children, I had my handful of roses - so had they - I was sure it was very wrong to have picked them, but why more wrong for me than the others; - At length; (once it seemed to me an hour) we reached the colonels study, and there advancing to meet us was the reverend chandler, the pastor of an Universalist church - who I knew well he greeted me very politely and kindly, and handed the large open school reader which held to the colonel, who put it into my hands, stood me a little in front of them and pointing to a column of blank verse very gently directed me to read it. It was an extract from Campbell, Pleasures of Hope - commonly - "Unfading hope when lifes' last embers burn" I read it to the end, a page [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 19 19 or two When finished The good parson came quickly and relieved me of the heavy book, and I wondered why there were tears in his eyes. The colonel drew me to him gently stroked my short cropped hair, went with me down the long steps, and told me I could "go back to the children and play". I went much more easy in mind than I came, but it was years before I comprehended any thing about it. My studies gave me no trouble but I grew very tired, felt hungry all the time but dared not eat - grew thin and pale - The Colonel noticed it and watching me at table found that I was eating little or nothing refusing every thing that was offered me. mistrusting that it was from timidity he had food laid on my plate, but I dared not eat it, and finally at the end of the term a consultation was held between the Col. my father, and our beloved family physician Dr Delano Pierce who lived within a few doors of the school, and it was decided to take me home till a little older and wiser I could hope my timid sensitiveness must have given great annoyance to my family If I ever could have gotten entirely over it, it would have given far less annoyance and trouble to myself all through life - To this day I would sooner stand behind the lines of artillery at Antietam, or over the [P?] bridge of Fredericksburg than be expected to preside at a meeting.20 20 Referring to the breaking up of the first home and the removal of my father and mother to the newer one, it might be well to state the reasons for the change - A favorite nephew of my father - M Jeremiah Larned had died after a lingering illness leaving a widow and four children from thirteen to six ears of age on the fine farm which had descended to him from his father, Capt Jeremiah Larned one of the leading men of the town. Unfortunately during his long illness the farm had become involved to the extent of necessitating its sale. This would result in throwing his widow and her small children out of a home, and in order to prevent this, and the disadvantages of a creditors sale - it was decided that my father, and a brother in law of Mrs. Larned Capt Sylvester McIntyre who had no children purchase the farm and remain there keeping the widow and children with them. The hill farms for there were two, were sold to my brothers who, entering into partnership constituted the well known firm of S. & D. Barton continuing mainly through their lives - Then 'I' became the occupant of two homes, my sisters remaining with my brothers, none of them were married. [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 20 1/3 20 1/3 The removal to the second home was a great novelty to me. I became observant of all the changes made. One of the first things found necessary on entering a house of so ancient date was a rather extensive renovation, for those days, of painting and papering. The leading artisan in that line in the town was M. Sybranen Harris, a gentleman of the leading families, of fine manners, good scholarly acquirement, and who for nearly half a life time filled the office of town clerk. The records of Oxford will bear his name and his beautiful had writing as long as its records exist. M. Harris was engaged to make the necessary improvements. Painting included more then than in these later days of ready made improvements. The painter brought his massive white marble slab, and ground his own paints, mixed his colors, boiled his oil, calcined his plaster, made his putty, and did scores of things that a painter of today would not only never think of doing, but would often scarcely know how to do. Coming from the newly built house where I was born I had seen nothing of this kind done, and was intensely interested. I must have persisted in making myself very numerous, for I was constantly reminded "not to get in the gentlemans way". But I was not to be set aside. combined interest and curiosity overcame my timidity, and encouraged by the20 2/3 20 2/3 mild genial face of Mr Harris I gathered the courage to walk up in front and address him "Will you teach me to paint sir?" With pleasure , little lady if mama is willing I should very much like your assistance." The consent was forthcoming and so was a gown suited to my new work and I reported for duty I question if any ordinary apprentice was ever more faithfully and intelligently interested in his first months apprenticeship. I was taught how to hold my brushes, to take care of them allowed to help grind my paints shown how to mix and blend them how to make putty and use it to prepare oils and dryings and learned from experience that boiling oil was a great deal hotter than boiling water Was taught to trim paper neatly to match and help to hang it to make the most approved paste and even varnished the kitchen chairs to the entire satisfaction of my mother which was triumph enough for one little girl So interested was I that I never wearied of my work for a day and at the end of a month looked on sadly as the utensils brushes buckets and great marble slabs were taken away There was not a room that I had not helped to make better there were no longer mysteries in paint + paper I knew them all and that work would bring callouses even on little hands When all was finished and gone and I went to my room lonesome in spite of myself I on my candle stand a box containing a pretty little locket neatly inscribed To a faithful worker" No one seemed to have any knowledge of it and I never gained any. [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 21/ The new home presented a phase of life quite unfamiliar to me. From never having had any playmates, I found myself one of a very lively lady of six - Three boys, and three girls nearer of an age that would have been probable in the same family. My father had taken charge of the young son of a friend; Lovett Stimpson a fine, robust intelligent lad of about my age who lived with us It would be difficult to describe what this new life, for the time it continued, became to me; or indeed I to it - Or I look back upon it I realize that as were a group of good children, with honorable instincts. Obedient and kindly disposed. In later years none of us could recall a serious difference of any kind, no cruelty, and no broken faith. It took just six and no more to keep a secret. but this portrayal of characteristics gives no clue to, indeed casts no shadow, of what we were capable of accomplishing in a day. The territorial domain comprised of something over 300 acres - We knew it all - From "Peaked Hill" to Jim Browns, across the old "Flowed Swamp," Three miles, we knew every rod of it. "Old Rocky hills," so high so steep so thickly wooded that a horse would never attempt them, gave no strangers, we knew where the best chestnuts were - we exposed The "Devils Den" in spite of the tradition that it was an abode for the22/ tempters of Eve-The French River that later carried all the factions of North offence, spread itself out in lazy rest, after its rugged leaps, as it meandered through the broad beautiful meadows, and internal land the pride of the farm. It was a long wide hewn pole that stretched across it in in its narrowest deepest place. I would not dare say how long- but it could not have been more than fourteen inches wide, and swayed and teetered from the moment the foot touched, till it left it. The waters glided still and black beneath--It was there as a convenience for the working men in crossing from one field to another, But if ever a weekday passed that we did not cross it several times, we knew some duty had been neglected--The only saw mill in that part of the town was a part of the possessors. The great up and down saw cut its angry way through the primeval forest giants from morning till night, and not infrequently from night till morning. The long saw carriage ran far out over the raceway at the rear end. How were we to withstand the temptation of riding out over the rushing mill stream twenty feet below and then coming quickly in as the sawn log was drawn back, for another cut--Hurt? [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 22/ never one of us. Killed? we didn't know such a thing could be. There were three temptingly great barns scattered between the house premises, and the internal. Was there ever a better opportunity for hide and seek? for climbing and jumping, it would have been no athlete at all that couldn't jump from the great beams to the hay in scant summer time before the new hay came in and land on the feet safely. There was, and still is, directly in front of the house a small circular natural pond, fed by springs in the bottom, and surrounded by a circle of hills, forming a basone in which the little pond lacks and sleeps through the summer, but in winter becomes a thing of beauty and a joy forever to the skater. From its shallow position it freezes smoother even and glass, and has no danger spots. I dwell upon that description for that little pond was my early home--The home of my beautiful flock of graceful ducks--The boys had become fine skaters I wanted to skate too--but skating had not then become23/ customary, in fact, not even allowable for girls, and when, one day my father saw me sitting on the ice attempting to put on a pair of skates, he seemed shocked, recommended me to the house, and said something about Tom boys, but this did not cure my desire; nor could I understand why it was not as well for me to skate as for the boys-- I was as strong, could run as fast, and ride better, indeed they would not have presumed to approach me with a horse-- Neither could the boys understand it, and this misconception led them into an error and me into trouble One clear, cold starlight Sunday morning, I heard a low whistle under my open chamber window. I realized that the boys were out for a skate, and wanted to communicate with me. On going to the window, they informed me that they had an extra pair of skates, and if I would come out they would put them on to me and "learn" me how to skate. It was Sunday morning-- no one would be up till late--The ice was so smooth [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 24/ and "glare", the stars were so bright--the temptation was too great. I was in my dress in a moment, and out. The skates were fastened on firmly, one of the boys wool neck "comforters" tied about my waste to be held by the boy in front. The other two were to stand on either side, and with a signal the cavalcade started Swifter and swifter we went, until at length we reached a spot where the ice had been cracked and was full of sharp edges. These threw me, and the speed with which we were progressing and the distance before we could quite come to a stop, gave terrific opportunity for cuts and wounded knees--The opportunity was not lost. There was more blood flowing than any of us had ever seen--something must be done--now, ALL the wool neck comforters came into requisition, my wounds were bound, and I was helped into the house with one knee of ordinary respectable cuts and bruises--the other frightful. Now the enormity of the transaction, and its attendant difficulties began to present themselves, and how to surround, for there was no overcoming them. The most feasible way seemed to be to say nothing about it, and we decided to all keep silent; But how to conceal the limp. I must HAVE no limp, but walk well. I managed breakfast without notice--Dinner not quite so well, and I had to acknowledge that I had slipped down and [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 25/ down and hurt my knee a little. This gave my limp more latitude but the next day it was so decided that I was held up and searched. It happened that the best knee was inspected, the stiff wool comforter soaked off, and a suitable dressing given it. This was a great relief as it gave me a chance to limp unsuspected, no one observing that I limped with the wrong knee. But the other knee was not a wound to heal by first intention, especially under its peculiar dressing, and finally had to be revealed. The result was a surgical dressing, and my foot held up in a chair for three weeks, during which time I read the Arabian Knights from end to end. As the first dressing was finished I heard the surgeon say to my father, "That was a hard case Captain but she stood it like a soldier." But when I saw how genuinely they all pitied, and how tenderly they nursed me, even walking lightly about the house not to jar my swollen and fevered limb, in spite of my disobedience and deterable deception, and persevered in at that, my Sabbath breaking, my unbecoming conduct, and all the trouble I had caused consumed, conscience got hold my mental suffering far exceeded my physical- The Arabian Knights were none too powerful a soporific to hold me in reasonable bounds. I despised myself, and failed to sleep or eat. My mother, perceiving my remorseful condition, came to the rescue, telling me, soothingly, that she didn't [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 26/ think it really was the worst thing that could have been done, that other little girls had probably done as badly, and strengthened her consolations by telling me how SHE once persisted in riding a high metaled unbroken horse in opposition to her fathers commands, and was thrown. My suspicion is that she had been a worthy mother of her equestrian son. The lesson was not lost on any of the group. It is very certain that none of us boys or girls indulged in further "Smart-tricks." Twenty five years later, when on a visit to the old home, long left, I saw my father, then a gray-haired grand sire, out on the same little pond, fixing the skates carefully onto the feet of his two little twin granddaughters, and holding them up to make their first start in safety. I remembered my wounded knees, and blessed the Great Father that progress and change were among the possibilities of his peoples. I never "learned" to skate. When I became fashionable I had neither time nor opportunity. [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 27 27 Along these lines I recall another disappointment, which, though not vital, was still indicative of the times. The following winter a dancing school was opened at the hall of the one hotel on Oxford Plain, some three miles from us. It was taught by a personal friend of my fathers, a polished gentleman resident of a neighboring town, and teacher of English schools. By some chance I got a glimpse of the dancing school at its opening, and was seized with a most intense desire to go and learn to dance. With my peculiar characteristics it was necessary for me to want a thing very much, before mentioning it, but this overcame me, especially as the cordial teacher upon one occasion took tea with us before going to his school and spoke very interestingly of his classes. I went so far as to be the permission. The dance was in my very feet, The violin haunted me, Ladies chain, and all hands 'round sounded in my ears and woke me from my sleep at night. The matter was taken up in family counsel. I was thought to be "very young" to be allowed to go to a dancing school in a hotel. Dancing at that time was at a very low ebb in good New England Society, and besides, there was an active revival taking place in both of the 28 28 orthodox churches of the town, or rather, one a church and the other a society without a church, and it might not be a wise or even a courteous thing to allow. Not that our family with its well known liberal proclivities could have the slightest objection on that score, still like St. Paul, if meat were harmful to their brethren they would not eat it, and thus it was decided that I could not go. The decision was perfectly conscientious-kindness chief, and probably wise. But I have wondered, if they could have known (as they never did) how severe the disappointment was, the tears it cost me in my little bed in the dark, the music and the Masters voice still sounding in my ears, if this knowledge would have weighed in the decision. I have listened to a great deal of music since that interspersed with very positive orders and, which generally called for "All hands round", but the sweet single notes of the violin, and the Ladies chain were missing. Neither did I ever learn to dance.[*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] From the peculiar gifts that were wont to be made me in those days, I am led to infer that my proclivities in the direction of the dum animal part of creation were decidedly noticeable. On one occasion an English gentleman a friend of the family and like my father a promoter of fine stock had been paying us a visit and on returning home near Boston, sent to me a beautiful basket containing two and a half dozens of fine large ducks eggs. It was not difficult to find among the numerous feathered inhabitants of the barns three domestically inclined motherly hens willing to take charge of the big tinted eggs, albeit not their own, giving to them the strictest attention. The result was that at the end of a month, the shallow end of the little pond was covered with tiny balls of yellow down floating calmly + majestically on the water, darting rapidly this way and that for every fly a bug so unperturbed as to appear. while the show presented the scene of three of the most distressed mothers that imagination can picture - There was nothing majestic nor calm in sheer motions, and the tones which called the recreant broods were far from soothing - but like the mothers of other wayward unnatural offspring, the lesson of rest was theirs to learn, -and through resignation at length came peace. In the course of two or three years my flock of ducks became so numerous as to attract the attention of the wild duck passing over from the northern lakes to the southern bays, and it was no uncommon thing for an entire flock wearied with a long journey, to alight for a few days rest. My tame ducks learned athletics from these native divers and dippers and the same became at times not only inspiring but interesting + instructive. It is very evident to me, as I remember it that my aspirations were by no means satisfied with an interest in these smaller specimens, as ducks hens turkey geese dogs cats etc of which I had no lack + not including canaries, of which I received, from time to time a 30 30 goodly number as gifts, but I had no pleasure in them and although doubtless the most inhuman thing that could have been done, I invariably opened the cage door and let them out. But all this farm land, the three great barns and accompanying yards called for cattle, and a small herd of beasts, five to thirty five milk cows came faithfully home each day, with the lowering of the sun for the milking and the bite of extra supper which they knew awaited them. With all customary greed of childhood I had laid claim to them a few of the handsomest, and tamest of them, and believing myself to be their real owner, I went faithfully every evening to the yards to receive and look after them. My little milk pail went as well, and I became proficient in an art never forgotten. One afternoon on going to the barn as usual I found no cows there - all had been driven away somewhere else, and I stood in the corner of the great yard, alone. I saw three or four men mainly the farm hands, with one stranger among them, wearing a long loose white shirt or gown, They were all trying to get a large red ox in, on to the barn floor, to which he seemed very reluctantly, at length, they succeeded. one of the men carried an axe and stepping a little to the rite and back raised it - high in the air and brought it down with a terrible blow. The ox fell - I fell too - and the next I knew I was in the house on a boat, all the family about me, with the traditional camphor bottle and Cathy my head to my great discomfort - As I recovered consciousness, they asked me "what made me fall?" I said "someone struck me"It was now my turn to question. "Where was the ox-" They said the ox was dead, they had killed him. What did they kill him for, was he a bad ox? No they killed him for his meat to eat. Did all meat have to be killed? Yes all meat first had to be killed - This was an unpleasant revelation to me. 31 "Oh no" they said "no one struck you," but I was not convinced - and proceeded to argue the case, with an impatient away of the hurting hands. "Then what makes my head so sore."- Happy ignorance: I have not yet learned the mysteries of nerves, I have however a very clear recollection of the indignation of my father - (My mother had already expressed herself on the subject-) on his return from town and learning what had taken place. The hired men were lined up and arraigned for "cruel carelessness" - "They" had had the consideration to keep "the cattle away from the sight - but allowed that little girl to stand "in full view" - of course each protested that he had not seen me, I was altogether too friendly with the farm hand to hear them blamed, especially on my account and came promptly to their side, assuring my father that they had not seen me, and that it was"no matter". I was all well now" - But singularly I lost all desire for meat, if I had ever had it, - and all through life to the present have only eaten it when I must for the sake of appearances, or as circumstances seem to make it the more proper thing to do. The bountiful ground has always yielded enough for all my needs and wants I had been eleven years old the Christmas before; Great changes had taken place during the two or three passing years. My energetic brothers had outgrown farming - sold their two farms on the hills, and come down and bought of my father all his water power on the French river, as well as all obtainable timber land in the vicinity. The staunch old up and down saw still stood in its majesty for the handling of the forest giants too massive for a lesser power, but it was surrounded by a cordon of belled circulars whirling with a speed that quite obscured their motion, screaming32 32 searching and throwing out the products of their work in all directions - shingles, lathes - then brush, bolters, slitters - new dams had been thrown over the shifty, flighty stream, often to be swept away in in the torrents of the spring pastels, and flooding ice, to be replaced at once with an obstinate manliness and enterprise that scarcely admitted of an interruption in the week In a new building a little to the West the great burr-stones of that date ground out the wholesome grain of all the surrounding country - and where I had just seen it under the control of the one busy sawyer, now fifty of the strongest working men that could be procured, and great four horse teams covered the once quiet mill yard. The entire line of factories above had caught the inspiration and the French River villages of North Oxford were a model of growth and activity. One sister had married and settled in her own home nearby. A wife had come into my eldest brother's home - Mrs. Larned the widow to whose assistance my father had gone in her early desolation, had found her children now so well grown as to make it advisable to move to one of the factory villages where she became a popular boarding house keeper and her children [and her children] operatives in the mill. Then I was again left to myself. The schools were not the best but all that could be done for me, in, or out of them, was done. I had been especially well taught to sew, and liked it, but knitting was beyond me, I could not be held to it, and it was given up on. [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 33 33 Through the confirmed invalidism of my elder sister I lost her beautiful guidance, but the watchful care of my younger sister (now Mrs. Vassall) was truly pathetic, she never lost sight of my welfare and her fine literary taste was a constant inspiration - While thus in the midst of my various pursuits, and vocations, an accidental turn in my wheel of fortune, changed my entire course, for a time, at least, and how much bearing if any, it it may have had on the future, I have never been able to determine. I have spoken of the younger of my two brothers now of the firm of S. and D. Barton, as a fine horseman, he was more than that, in these days he would have been an "athlete". The two men were but two years apart in age both remarkable for manly rigor, physical strength, intrepidity and courage, of fine disposition, excellent temper, and yet neither of them men with whom an opponent would carelessly court an encounter. The younger, David from his physical activity and daring, was always selected for any feat of danger to be performed, and as readily accepted. There were days when even buildings were "raised by hand." All the neighborhood was expected to participate in a "raising". On this occasion, an uncommonly large barn with what was then still more uncommon, a cellar beneath it was to be raised. The rafters had to be affixed to the [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] X It was well that I had had all this out of door exercise the rough and tumble of life to fit-me physically for the confinement that was to follow. 34 ridgepole and David Barton was assigned to this duty. While in its performance, a joice on which he was standing, having been weakened unobserved by, suddenly gave way, and he fell directly to the cellar, striking upon his feet on another timber near the bottom of the cellar. and without falling leaped to the ground. and after a few breathless minutes declared himself unhurt, but was not permitted to return aloft. It was spoken of as a remarkable adventure -- a wonderful escape, etc., and for a few days, all went well, with the exception of a slight once quite unaccustomed head ache, which continued to increase as the July weather progressed. At length he showed symptoms of fever -- the family physician was called and here commenced the system of medical treatment almost unknown to our physicians of the present day, except as results of historical research, and milestones of scientific advancement. He was pronounced in a "settled fever" which must not be "broken up", and could only be held in check by reducing the strength of the patient. "He had too much blood, was too rigorous, just the patient "for a fever to go hard with". it was said. Accordingly the blood was taken from time to time as long as it seemed safe to do so The terrible pain in the head continued, and blisters [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO THE AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*]35 35 were applied in all possible places, in the hope of withdrawing the pain. Sleepless, restless, in agony both physical and mental, his care grew desperate. He had been my ideal from earliest memory. I was distressed beyond measure at his condition. I had been his little protege, his companion, and in his nervous wretchedness he clung to me. Thus from the first days and nights of fever, I remained near his bed side. The fever ran on over all the traditional turning points -- seven -- fourteen -- twenty one days I could not be taken away from him, except by compulsion and he was unhappy till my return. I learned to take all directions for his medicines from the physician, for he had eminent council, and to administer it, like a genuine nurse; my little hands became schooled to the handling of the great loathsome crawling leeches, which were at first so many snakes to me, and no fingers could so painlessly dress the angry blisters - and thus it came about that I was the accepted and acknowledged nurse of a man almost too ill to ever recover. Finally as the summer passed the fever gave way, and for a wonder the patient did not. No physician will doubt but I had given him poison enough to have killed him many times over, if suitably administered with that view He will also understand the condition in which the patient was left. [Make all checks payable to AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.] 36 36 They had certainly succeeded in reducing his strength. Late in the autumn, he stood on his feet for the first time since July. Still sleepless, nervous, cold, dyspeptic, a mere wreck of his former self, and no one so distressed over his condition as his kind hearted and for these days skillful physicians, who had exhausted their knowledge and poured out their sympathy and care like water on the patient, who for his manliness and bravery they had come to respect, and for his suffering learned to love with a parents tenderness--It now became a matter of time. Counsels of physicians for twenty miles around sat in judgment on the case. They could only recommend--and more blisters seating, and various methods of external imitation for the withdrawal of internal pain followed from month to month and season to season. all these were my care. I realize now how carefully and apprehensively the whole family watched the little nurse, but I had no idea of it then. I thought my position the most natural thing in the world. I almost forgot that there was an outside to the house. This state of things continued with little change, a trifling gain of strength in my patient at times, for two years, when entirely unexpected [to all] the most tabooed and least known of all medical treatments restored him to health. It is to be remembered that at that date, there was no homeopathy, no hydropathy, no sanatoriums, no Christian Science, nothing but the regular school of medicine and medical practitioners, baffled by lack of science, surrounded by ignorance on all such subjects [Make all checks payable to AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.] 37 37 more or less of superstition struggling manfully on towards the blessed light of scientific knowledge today which they have so richly attained. It is not to be wondered at that under these conditions, the slightest departure from the beaten track was held as unpardonable and punishable quackery--that the first ism that broke through the defences fought the fight of a forlorn hope. There are young physicians of good historical knowledge today who have never learned that Thompsonianism was that ism, and that old Dr. Samuel Thompson fought that fight, and that they are pursuing many excellent methods the result of his thought. That it was he who first advance the theory--in this country at least, that fever was not the foe but the friend of the patient, it was simply unequalize animal warmth and rigor--that people did not have too much blood any more than they had too much bone, and could as ill afford to lose it, that if the blood were too thin, or too thick, or of a bad quality, that taking away a portion of it would not rectify or purify the remainder that a blister was not likely to soothe a nervous person to sleep or to extract a pain save by creating a greater, but that a better way to treat disturbances was to open the pores generally by a vapor bath--designated "Thompsons Steam box" and greatly feared. Himself and his few followers there [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*] 38 38 were known as "steam doctors" and the public warned against them. It happened that one of his disciples, a "steam doctor" residing in a neighboring town, and I will write his name in grateful remembrance, Dr. Asa McCollum had watched this remarkable case with interest and pity, convinced that the right remedies had not reached him. He ventured at length to approach my father on the subject, then my brother, who was willing to attempt any thing short of suicide. The result was the removal of the patient to the home asylum of the doctor for treatment. In three weeks he was so far restored as to return home, and take his place in his business like one come back from the dead. I remember the greeting the tears of gladness on the face of our blessed old family physician, when he came to welcome him home--"And so David something good has come out of Nazareth" I was again free. my occupation gone. life seemed very strange and idle to me. I wondered that my father took me to ride so much, and my mother hoped she could make me some new clothes now, for in the two years I had not grown an inch; had been to school one half day, and had gained one [half] pound in weight.and that he should be so careful to tell the farm hands to saddle Brown Morgan whenever I asked for him 39 39 This singular mode of life, at so young an age could not have been without its characteristic effects. In some regards it had served to heighten serious defects. The seclusion had increased the troublesome bashfulness. I had grown even more timid, shrinking, and sensitive in the presence of others - absurdly careful and methodical for a child. afraid of giving trouble by letting my wants be known, and thereby giving its very pain I sought to avoid, and instead of feeling that my freedom gave me time for recreation, or play. these seemed to to me like time wasted, and I looked anxiously about for some useful occupation. As usual, my blessed sister Mrs. Vassall came to the rescue, Taking advantage of an all absorbing love of poetry which I had always had, she made a weapon of it, by providing me with the poetical works of Walter Scott which I had not read, and proposing that we read them together. We naturally commenced with the Lady of the Lake. I was immediately transported to the Highlands and the Bonny breas, plucking the heather and broom, and guiding the skif across Loch Katrine, listening to the sweet warming song of poor crazed Blanch of Texas, thrilling with "Saxon I am Rhoderic Duke" and trudging along with the old Minstrel and Ellen to Sterling Tower and the court of Fitz James - [*MAKE ALL CHECKS PAYABLE TO AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, AND SEND TO HEADQUARTERS, WASHINGTON, D.C.*]40 Marmion followed, and then all the train of English poetry that a child could take in. We were midway between the two district schools, a long mile and a half from either, and it chanced, as it frequently did - that a reason or two of indifferent schools followed each other in train. The experiment of sending me away to school was not to be repealed, and accordingly I was undertaken at home. My mathematical brother Capt Stephen took charge of that department and Mrs. Vassall the other needful studies. While my former patient, brother David, the equestrian of the early days, now grown strong and well kept to his role of "practical" teaching. I recall vividly the half impatient frown on his fine face when he would see me do an awkward thing however trivial. He detested false motions, wanted the thing done rightly the first-time. If I started to go somewhere, go - and not turn back, if to do something, do it. I must throw a ball or a stone with an under swing like a boy and not like a girl - and make it go where I want it and not fall at my feet and foolishly laugh at it. If I would drive a nail strike it squarely on the head every time, and not split the board, if I would draw a screw, turn it right the first time I must tie a square knot that would hold, and not tie my horse with a slip knot and leave him to choke himself. There were better things, still a part of the instruction [Make all checks payable to American National Red Cross, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.] 41 not to be undervalued. In the rather practical life which has often fallen to me I have wondered if they were not among the most useful, and if that handsome frown were not one of my best lessons. At length there came a school that could be utilized and my family instructors were released, Mr. Jonathon Dana, of of Oxfords most scholarly men, and a teacher of note, commenced the winter school to the South of us I have no words to describe the value of his instruction nor the pains he took with his eager pupil. I had been too thoroughly drilled to require much time for the customary classes of an ordinary school - The higher instruction which could only be given privately was justly forbidden in school hours but in spite of all the labor of a school of sixty pupils, of all ages, with no assistant, I was permitted to take philosophy, chemistry, and elementary latin. all to be taught outside of school hours. With no laboratory at hand I have often marveled at the assumed of experimental instruction he found it possible to give me. So generally appreciated was the excellence of the school that the term was continued beyond the customer three moths. My grateful homage42 for my inestimable books, and his interest in his early pupil became memories of a life time, and the social acquain- tance was never interrupted, until the late summons came to him to go up higher. An equally good fortune in a like line followed. The school on our north was undertaken by M. Lucian Burleigh a younger member of the noted British family, a brother of William Burleigh the poet. I was now a little older, had the advantage of the previous year, and this term was taken up even more rigorously. I added to my curriculum, astronomy, and higher mathematics. Equal attention was given me outside of school hours, although with the expectancy of the past I required less, and here again grew up a friendship between teacher and pupil only to kept and broken like the others. My family were all gratified by my progress and my development as a scholar, but I was still diffident - timid, non committal, afraid of giving trouble, and difficult to understand. My physical growth had not met their expectations, nor their hope. I grew slowly, and was still a "little girl" in appearance. This went to show how positive the early check had been, and how slowly the repairs were made, for it was said [Make all checks payable to American National Red Cross, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.] 43 that I gained an inch in height between the ages of twenty and twenty one. The firm of my brothers S&D Barton had added to its other ever increasing business the manufacturing of cloth, a factory had been erected and a partnership entered into with Messrs. Paul and Samuel Parsons, two elegant gentlemen among the earlier manufactures of Satinet in this country and the new factory was known as the "Satinet Mill of N Oxford" A very superior article of cloth was made, the operations, almost intensely American and very largely from families of the neighborhood or surrounding country. Occupations for women were few in those days, and often the school and music teacher weary of the monotonous life, sought change in the more remunerative loom of the factory. I name this as a matter of history, as the North Oxford Mills were the third, if not the second, after Slater, who producer the first spindles and power looms in America at the risk of his life. I had been taken through the new factory of my brother saw these young persons at work, watched the shuttles fly under the deft fingers of the weaves, and felt that there was something to do. There was no school. I was idle. After a little quiet reflection, I astonished the family by announcing my desire [Make all checks payable to American National Red Cross, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.]44 to go into the mill I wanted to weave cloth. At first they tried laughing at me--I was too sensitive to be dealt with in that way. Then reassessing, I was too small-- it was not a proper thing for me to do". But I was not easily persuaded. one day in the midst of a family council my brother Stephen chanced to call: he listened attentively saw that I was anxious and troubled, and was giving trouble to others as well -- At length he spoke-- Addressing my mother he said "I do not see any thing so very much out of the way in the request. I wonder if we are not drawing the lines too tightly on our little sister, a few years ago she wanted to learn to dance -- this was declined as frivolous and improper-- now she asks to work-- she took up a work by herself and did it--two years; a work that no child would be expected to do and did it well. She is certainly a properly behaved little girl and I cannot understand why we should trouble ourselves or her so much concerning the proprieties of her life. For my part I am very willing to arrange a pair of looms for her and let her try. If she cannot do it, she will be the first to discern it, and give it up". A hush fell on the group-- My anxious mother seemed relieved -- the big brother had spoken. I crept slyly[shyly?] up under his stalwart arm and kissed his bearded cheek-- [Make all checks payable to AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.] 45 The next day a low platform was run along in front of a pair of new glossy looms just by the desk of the overseer of the room, a good weaver was given charge to instruct me, and when I stepped onto that platform, and looked down upon the evenly plied ways and the swiftly flying shuttles, and felt that they were mine, I imagine the sensation was liken to that of a young queen when foot full presses the throne. I was too carefully watched to permit a mistake, and too interested to be tired. Before the end of the week, I was able to discharge my instructors It is more probable that she discharged herself in view of my self sufficiency. I could scarcely wait in the morning for the bell to call me, early as it would be, and I walked up that long outside flight of black greasy stairs, and entered that whirring clashing room with the same pride and satisfaction as I would have entered the finest and most-embellished schoolroom. I observed that the help all looked at me as I went in, and McDonald, the overseer always raised his scotch cap a bit by the tassel, or touched his fingers to the rim fitting so closely to his high forehead. I thought I ought to make some acknowledgement of this, and always did so, but could not understand it. I told my mother about it, and asked her what he did it for? She said that "probably it was because I was SO LITTLE, that perhaps, if I were as large as the other girls he might not do it. [Make all checks payable to AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.] 46 I thought this a reasonable solution and was satisfied. I finished my first week, commenced my record and went through with no assistance. On Saturday my webs were cut from the looms examined and pronounced of first quality, showing great care. I took my proud record home. The next day - Sunday afternoon, M Samuel Parsons, with the precedent case that could not trust even the watchman too implicitly, went into the mill by him - -self, ascending to the picker room in the top story where the light- oiled wool was piled in great quantities, he casually placed his hand on it in passing; observing that it felt warm, he plunged his arms in to lift it. The flames enveloped him - he ran at full speed the length of the building to the bell rope. the fire was there almost before him; he gave two strokes when the flames drove him from the room - they licked down the air shaft and belt holes, lapping up the oil like so much food as it was. The perfection of the magnificent fire departments of the present day was far in the future then, In three hours it was all over and the new North Oxford Satinet mill was a smoking pile of rubbish - a thing of the past. No heart was heavier than mine. The strong energetic [*Make all checks payable to AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.*] 47 brothers knew that rebuilding would commence at once. but I mourned without hope. If ever there were lost, or omitted an opportunity for a well turned joke or a bit of humor by the various members of the Barton family it was clearly an accident; no such omission being ever intended, and thus it was suggested to me, that as the fire was manifestly a case of spontaneous combustion, could it have been that I worked so fast that the friction set the mill on fire? That joke on me lasted many years. The mill was rebuilt, and several others, some to be burned, some to be sold; but I had found other occupation more congenial to the rest of the household it is to be hoped, if not to me. The recital of this incident by myself, or someone else has given rise to the bit of romance cropping out occasionally in the sketches one sees, that I was a factory girl and saved the money to pay off the mortgage on my fathers farm. I wish the first statement might have been true. Nothing today would gratify me more than to know that I had been one of those self reliant intelligent American born girls like our [*Make all checks payable to AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.*] 48 Sweet poetess Lucy Larkum, and like her had stood before the power looms, in the early progress of the manufacturers of our great and matchless country. I fear that some of my plain simple feats will rob many a nice little fancy sketch of its brightest tents, as in this witness I am compelled to confess in regard to the second statement that my father never had a mortgage, that I knew of, and therefore had no need of my brave help. On the other hand he had something to give to me. I think it usually occurs in small communities that there is one family or one house, to which all strangers, or new comers naturally gravitate, nothing was planer than that ours was that house, all lecturers, upon any subject, clergymen on trial, whether had a new idea to expound, and was in need of an alideny place meanwhile, found one here. My fathers alive, progressive and liberal mind inclined him to examination and toleration and his cordial hospitality was recorded by my mothers welcome to any one who could bring new thought or culture to herself or her family. Those were the very earliest days of phrenology. The famous brothers O.S. & L. N Fowler, worthy disciples of Spurzheim and Coomb were commencing their life long neck young men of advanced ideas, thought energy and purpose - [*Make all checks payable to AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.*] 49 The Phrenological Journal, if existing at all was in its infancy. The Fowler brothers were among the most interesting and popular lecturers in the country. Two courses of lectures by L.N. Fowler were arrange for our town, one for North and the other south oxford, or "Oxford Plain as it is better known. The oxy naturally became the quest of my father & mother This two courses of lectures covered nearly a month of time. how shall the value of the results of that month extending through a life time be put into words: how measure the worth of the ideas, the knowledge of oneself, and of others, growing out of it: aside from this, was this aid and comfort to my mother in her perplexity concerning her incomprehensible Child. I recall the long earnest talks in which it is evident I was the prime subject although not clearly realizing it at the time; but on one occasion there was no mistake. I was ill, I believe with the mumps, and to avoid loneliness was permitted to lie on the lounge in the large sitting room. through all the day; forgetting my presence, or thinking me asleep the conversation went on, in my hearing, portions of which at this late day I recall. My mother remarked that none of her children had ever been so difficult to manage "Was I disobedient or wayward or exciting asked M Fowler. Oh no; no, she often wished I were. She would know what to do with that; for I would then make my wants known, and they could be supplied - but I was so timid and afraid of making trouble, that they were in constant fear of [*Make all checks payable to AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.*]50 of neglecting me, would do without the most needed article rather than ask for it, and my bashfulness increased rather than diminished as I grew older. As an illustrator she stated that on one last sunday when we were ready to go to church she appeared bare handed upon being asked where were her gloves, she reluctantly replied that she had none, they were worn out. Why had she not said so, and asked for new ones. The reply was a burst of tears and an attempt to leave the room, "we would not permit this unhappy day at home alone and took her as she was" - all this sounded very badly to me as I heard it rehearsed: it was all true; all wrong, could I ever learn to do better. Mr. Fowler replied that those characteristics are all indirected. that however much her friends may suffer from them, she will always suffer more. They might be apparently outgrown, but the sensitive nature will always remain. She will never assert herself for herself, she will suffer wrong first, but for others she may be perfectly fearless. To my mothers anxious question - what shall I do - he replied throw responsibility upon her; she has all the qualities of a teacher, as soon as her age will permit get her a school to teach. I well remember how that suggestion shocked me I should not have remembered all these advices but years after they [*Make all checks payable to AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.*] 51 were found with much more among my mothers carefully preserved papers; some correspondence must have followed. The depth and faithfulness of that interest felt, was shown in the fact that the great reader of human character through his long life in foreign lands as well as his own, never forgot the troublesome child, occasional correspondence and valued meetings across the red, marked the mile stones of life till one road came to the end. A great and true man and friend of humanity had gone, for whom the world was better for his having live in it. At the close of the second term of school the advice was acted upon, and it was arranged that I teach the school in district No 2. My sister resided within the district. How well I remember the preparations" the efforts to look larger and older. The Examination by the learned committee, of one clergyman, one lawyer and one justice of the peace. - The certificate with "Excellent" coded at the close. The bright may morning walk over the dewy grassy road to the school house neither large nor new and not a pupil in sight. On entering I found my little school of forty scholars all [*Make all checks payable to AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.*]52 all seated according to their own selection quietly waiting with folded hands. bright rosy cheeked girls and boys from four to thirteen, with the exception of four lads as tall and as old as myself - These four boys naturally looked a little curiously at me, as if seeming a judgement of how best to dispose of me. as rumor had it, that, on the preceding summer, not being quiet on report with the young lady teacher they had excluded from the building and taken possession themselves. All rose as I entered, and remained standing till requested to sit. Never having observed how schools were opened I was compelled as a pioneer would say, to blaze my own way. - I was too timid to address them, but, holding my bible, I said they might take their testaments, and turn to the sermon on the mount. All who could read, read a verse each, I reading with them in turn. This opened the way for remarks upon the meaning of what they had read. I found them more ready to express themselves than I had expected, which was helpful to me as well. I asked what they supposed the saviour meant by saying that they must love their enemies, and do good to those that hated and misused them. This was a hard question and they hesitated till at length a little bright-eyed girl with great-earnestness replied "I think he mean - that you must be good to every body - and must no quarrel nor make nobody feel bad'. And I'm going to try" - an onerous smile crept over [*Make all checks payable to AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.*] 53 the rather hard faces of my four lads, but my response was so prompt and my approval so hearty, that it dispelled and they listened attentively but ventured no remarks. With this moderate beginning the day progressed, and night found us social friendly and cleared for a school. country schools did not admit of home dinners; I also remained, on the second or third day an accident in their outside field of rough play called me to them - They had been playing unfairly and dangerously and needed teaching even to play well - I must have thought they required abject lessons for almost imperceptibly either to them or to myself I joined in the games and was playing with them. My four lads soon procured that I was no stranger to their sports nor their tricks. - that my early education had not been neglected, that they were not the first boys I had seen, and when they found that I was as agile and strong as themselves that my throw was as sure and as straight as theirs, and that if they won a game it was because I permitted it, their respect knew no bounds. no courtesy within their knowledge was neglected. Their example was sufficient for the entire school. I have seen no finer type of boys. They were faithful to me in street boyhood and in their manhood faithful to their country, their blood ran crimsoned its hardest fields - and the little bright eyed girl with the good resolve gave her work and her life to another field [*Make all checks payable to AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.*] 54 and sleeps in a foreign merrimans grave my little school was continued beyond the customary length its only hard feature was our parting. In memory I [can] still see that pitiful group of children sobbing their way down the hill after the last unsaid good-bye, and I was little better. we had all been children together - and when in accordance with the then custom at town meeting the grades of the schools are named and number nine stood number one for discipline I thought it the greatest injustice and remonstrated - affirming that there had been no discipline that not one scholar had ever been disciplined. child that I was, I did not know that the surest test of discipline is its absence [*Make all checks payable to AMERICAN NATIONAL RED CROSS, and send to Headquarters, Washington, D.C.*]