BLACKWELL FAMILY
ALICE STONE BLACKWELL
HOOPER, ELLEN 1874Otsego Street
June 26th 74
Dear Alice:
I had prayed myself
out of the Slough of Despond
before your letter arrived. But
still it was pleasant to get
your sympathy sent to me, &
I was comforted though in a different
way by it. I am a child
of extremes & my exultation is as
great as my depression very often.
Indeed, the one is the reason for the
other. I do trust in God & find
both peace to rest in trusting. I
feel more & more satisfied with the
my particular faith & belief, which
grows with my growth, & strengthenswith my strength. I shall feel all
this summer a need, which is, your
hand clasp. I don't suppose you feel
just the same, as you have your betrothed
with you, your school to interest
you, & a dog to walk with you in case
of need. I could be satisfied with one grip
a year but less is trying. I have not betrothed
for my heart, no school for mind
no dog to protect me at exercise. I would
give anything for a long lonely walk
too, sometimes. However—If I am as
cheerful as I ought to be, I can be
very well content & happy too. I am
sorry I took this opportunity to pour out
the last drop of grumbling there was in
me however now I feel quite light
hearted. My future looks very
bright if I view it in the right light.
A little while on earth do His will 


& add my mite to the building of my
generation, –then, an eternity of
working & loving & enjoying. I expect
to have more than one hand clasp a
year in eternity. I pray for it.
–Think "Where perfect love & friendship
reign. "Through all eternity." "

I am writing this in a fearful
hurry, before I lay the cloth for
dinner. So I cannot write much more
& you must excuse the awful
scribbling of this. I will write
again as soon as I well can,
whether I have received your answer
to this or not. You shall have an
invitation to the wedding at the
proper time. Be chief bridesmaid
if you like. I do up my hair. (If you can.)
Tell Lily I'll write shortly, but I wish
she'd answer my last.
Yours now & evermore
Ellen Hooper
For A.J.B.I meant to have added some
dripping, but must post it directly,
as I'm going to the village.
E.H.

June 10th 74
Dear Alice:
I am not in love.
When I am particulars shall be
forwarded. However, my poor brain [paw?]
has had its contents reduced to a
state of hard bake & the press are on
the back of the head & the tightening
at the throat, make me feel
uncommonly like vomiting. I will
probably spoil this letter for you, for
I shall be thinking of myself
half the  time. I have just read
"At the Lash of the North Wind"
which has sent me half way in to the
clouds. As to liking to hear ofmy religious experiences, so do I
of yours, & I thank you for any
mention of them you may have
made. I Have contracted an insane
habit this last year of going on 
my knees & moaning to God to show
me a little of my path before me.
That is, I don't know in the 
least what I can do or be, in the 
future. I set my ground Ideal
on a pinnacle & look at it, but
do not feel equal to reaching it
fast, my brain seems growing
smaller. - & I find it next
to impossible to learn any thing by
rote. My heart feels all poetry
& beauty. My life, words, acts,
& writing are small, insignificant

& prosaic. I have not the
common sense, faculty, - scarcely
the will to settle down to any
commonplace avocation, almost Any sensible
adult would say I  ought to go to
school, but if I went, I should
strain to catch up with girls of my
age, hold up my head, proudly
pretending to be happy, amidst society
that I feel irksome & rules I cannot
obey, & soon the strain would put
me out of breath & I should come home
sick as I always have since I
was five years old, at intervals
of three months or as many weeks,
sometimes. There doesn't seem
much prospect of my getting
married & this ridding my family
of this burden. as I do not go out, & boys 
do not naturally take a fancy 
to me, I never had a boyfriend 
in my life. I am fearfully afraid 
of hiding my talent in a napkin 
& yet shy of believing I have any talent 
to hide or improve. --- I don't believe 
you can read this my hand has 
shaken so. However, better if you 
can't. It is a very selfish letter 
Forgive it. I do have my moments 
of exultation & dignity in myself, 
though this doesn't look like it. 
Please I ask again forgive this 
prolonged whine. I couldn't help it 
O Alice, only don't you come & 
comfort me. You must, you shall 
excuse me. 
I'll write again & more sensibly soon.