Anna Dickinson GENERAL CORRESPONDENCE Edmunds, Fanny B. undatedMaverick House Monday March 27 My own dear Ammily, You have behaved like a regular little "brick" (I was about to say "saint" but thought better of it & substituted "brick" as more appropriate) - about writing to your poor old Fanny. First I got your letter begun in Chicago & finished at Toledo - next I got the continuation thereof written at Findlay - then came a very naughty document storming about our friend. I read that through twice at one sitting & then put it into the fire & watched it burn & so within tenminutes after it was put into my hands - it was in ashes - It was better so - it wasn't a safe letter to keep - & then a leaf from such an unhappy heart as My darling had within her when she wrote that- was not a comforting thing for me to "conceal about my person" - since I "love her dear" - So your letter that followed (from Columbus I think) wasn't needed so far as the matter of conflagration was concerned but it was needed & was oh so welcome - to tell me that you had had one little happy hour after all these many months of longing & exile & hunger of the heart - Ah my dear my dear, how I thank God that you could have that much - that you were saved the agony of further desperation of the final bitter awful kind than was fast coming upon you & for which God knows I could not blame you - I do believe this thing will all come right some day - I feel that even here, you will have your own" - but I suppose my faith in the matter isn't much comfort to you. I wish it might be I wish the strong desire to bless gave any power to do so - then my darling how happy I would make you -I don't know what to say about your going to England & I have no doubt that you are the very best judge in the matter - It seems to me that on some accounts it would be your very best time to go while Mr. Collyer and "the Doggetts" are there - James, with whom I discussed the matter for my own satisfaction, thought that your Kansas engagements would stand in the way of your going when you proposed - He objected very much to the idea of your going as the same time that Kate Field & Olive Logan do & thinks there is no doubt but Kate Field is going; as for the other he wasn't as sure about her but promised to find out & let me know. Then too he says that the lecture season there is from October to March as much as it is here - & also that it would be a thousand pities to have you go there just after a long season of hard work instead of beginning when you are fresh & at your best after a summer of rest. I don't vouch for the wisdom of all this, but I give it to you to use as you please - What does Pete say about it? & what does Mr. Collyer say? Or does he want you to go so much as to be unequal to giving disinterested advice?You were a good girl to write me all about Pete I am not surprised - though of course I am distressed to have my fears confirmed Is there anything that can be done, or must one fold the hands & let this go on to the awful end? I can't let James touch this matter & yet if he gets stirred up over it again as he did awhile ago I fear he will - unless I speak myself & it does seem a cruel thing for me of all others to hurt Pete - & in all probability I should hurt & not help. He did think of coming on here in April but now he writes of it as doubtful & wants me to go there for a month - which I can't do as you may imagine My dear, I haven't much to tell you. I wish to make one remark & that is that I will sit on Pete - & our friend - & everybody else who worries you needlessly about me and "mash them" - for I'm not very sick & I'm not going to die till I have seen you & you needn't believe anybody who tells you anything to the contrary - I have a terrible cold & a little bit of a cough - but otherwise I am now as well as usual - butwe have had the most intolerable March wind that ever visited us and in consideration of the cold I have kept myself more than usually quiet. I did go to see your friend Fechter the other night in Ruy Blas - & he gave me such a stage fever as I haven't recovered from yet. If I could have five years on the stage I believe I could die content - But you, young woman needn't have "a aspiration" that way - for you know your fate; - to be captured into "Prigdom" in the end - & so in the meantime, you are to carry your head above the atmosphere of stage fevers! About Mary Leonard? Well she is to be addressed "Mrs. Frederick Jr. Leonard Pekin - Illinois" & I ought to be "writing of her" at this very moment - I who never write anybody but you and don't half do my duty in that quarter. Did you get the chattie pencil note I sent in reply to yours mailed at Toledo? Do write me & write me more about yourself. I am so anxious to know just how you are & how is Marmee & how are matters at home - & don't you want Fanny to go and rub your poor little back?I must hurry this off or it will be too late for the mail & for the address I fished out of Mr. Hathaway - Write me if it reaches you - Write me how you are & all that I want to know - Charles sends his best love to his little daughter - mine you always have my darling & I am always your own faithful FannyMaverick house March 17 My own darling little animile - Your letter has just come into the midst of my feverish morning nap, & put me in a frame of mind I was never so glad to hear from you before - for I neverloved you so much & worried about you so much as of late - I can't write you this morning - much as I feel inclined - but one thing I want to say - & that is that if you dont write me right away that you are better I shall go to you whether you want me or not I cannot & I will not bear it to have you away from me & alone - when you are in such a condition - it is of no use for you to say that Ican do you no good - it will do you good to have me to worry about & to make your life a burden to you & the only way you can get rid of me is by getting better - If I am to feel about you as I have felt I cannot stay away from you I havent seen your friend since - he is away & pretty well I hear - I shall see him when I gets back & you will knowas soon as I do my darling, my darling I can’t write for tears - if I could only bless you. I think I wouldn’t mind dying to do it - God bless, my little animile prays her own faithful Fanny Pray write me right away - not a long letter when you are tired - but a word to tell me if you are any better -Maverick house May 27 My own little Animile: It was a great relief to my overcharged feelings to get a letter from you at last - I had tried to promise myself that I wouldn't write or telegraph you or anybody belonging to you any more for I knew you must be worn thread bare with my importunities but my anxiety would getthe better of every consideration about once in so often - Your letter is the first bit of definite information I have had about you & now you don't tell a word about when you are going - Ralphus (I believe it was) wrote me that you were to sail by June 1st & the day after I got home - Jimmy Redpath walked up behind me as I sat feeding at The Parker house & said "How are you? So Anna is going to Europe in August with Laura Bullard is she?" I gazed at him calmly & said - "Either then or earlier I suppose" - with out having the slightest idea whether he was right or wrong - then somebody said yesterday that Laura was going the last of June - & then Ralph writes me again that you are "to publish a book on Colorado beforefore you go' - & altogether I am hopelessly at sea in the matter - God knows I don't care very much about my life with you so far out of it as you will be across sea - but yet I can hardly wait to have you set sail, because I feel that every moment here is in some way or another a drain upon you that you can illy bear & I shall never be at 2 rest until I know that you are safely out of reach of some things that pursue you & will pursue you while you are here - To think of my brave darling broken down at last - - but there are some sentences that can't be finished without tears & I have no mind to indulge in any such luxury - John indeed! I believe if I should lay eyes on him or that horrid MarthaI should fly at them & strangle them on the spot. Thank God that you have shaken yourself free of them at last - And so Edwin holds his own there? Well that is good - As for "poor little Marmee I can't say a word; you know all that is in my heart - Is Sue pretty well? I am glad she is coming this way If she will come to this convent of a Hotel where I expect to stay the whole summer, she shall have good air & rest if nothing more - You know "the Annies" are in full blast - but I don't see Trendells name figuring any; Julia Ward & Mary Livermore seem to be presiding over everything from "Maternal Associations" & Societies for relief of Timbuctoo - to the SuffrageSuffrage business & I "dare presume" that through everything "Mary" is "plainly but richly dressed in an alpacca skirt & a grosgrain basque" - Little Jay? No - there will be no wedding - If she marries it must be "without money & without price" -- she is to be Kirk [Tohi?] at the minister's house & Tues. next is the day. I haven't seen her -- Kate Kennedy (who has been very sick) told me 3 It seems that I didn't tell you that I brought Mary Edmunds & the two infants down with me - They are well and having a good time I hope though I'm afraid I don't help them much about it. I'm not sick, - only - useless, -lifeless. Yes I was all that weary time at Mary's I stayed there partly because of the economy in so doing - partly because one place is likeanother to me of late & partly to bring them down as Mary would never have started without me. If Bernard hadn't lured me along with hollow promises of work I should have tried for something elsewhere before the season closed As it was - he ---- but there. I don't propose to bore you with any of this only I ask you one question & that is whether you advise me to try to do anything with him another year. He is howling for me to decide but I waited to ask you - I haven't a penny's worth of ambition about anything perhaps because my [stormpath?] [m?] and my head went on the rampage the other night and I nearly "died" - but I do want to pay my bills and buy a new gown and a theatre -ticket now & then if I'm to live awhile longerYou haven't quite forgotten "[Tea-rone?]"? - nor the rampage he he went on one night when as it turned out he had been engaged for months? True you know then how I feel towards "C.C. C. de Fries P." only he played that game for weeks and weeks - & in the beginning of the world (it seems - for it seems long ago) - I loved him- which makes some difference I suppose 4 The end has come however. Throughout the experience, my balm in Gilead (?) has been Pete's defection;- not a word from him in four months - What props in time of trouble these strong men are? Apropos to nothing - tell me if you have "seen of" or "heard of" Ned - I found a man in St. Albans who looks like him - Have you any romances to tell?Don't wait to write a long letter but send me just a line to tell me when & "from what port you sail" & if one is to see you here for a day at least before you go & tell me what to do with Bernard - Mind you mustn't write a long letter much as I want one - lest you get tired Love to all & my hearts best love - if I have any left to my own dear animile - Fanny All send more love than I have room for - Mary was so pleased to get your note -Sheboygan 6 June - Tuesday My darling Anna, What does it mean when I can't hear a word from you? I have written twice before now & in no little anxiety I assure you for when you wrote me from Logansport you were ill - & I have known no peace about you since - & tonight I write to beg of you to put an end to my distresssome reason for not wishing to have your name used in that way ( you know Wendells' & Roberts' are both there) & if you have- I would much rather you say so quite plainly And can you tell me who is Carter's successor as "S.A.W.L.P." - Forgive me for bothering you about this - & whether you do - or not - write me "why this" silence "is thus" & declare & alas because I have just [read] decided to get out some new circulars & want to know if I may use your name as reference Now if you have the slightest objections to my doing so - be a good girl & say so & I'll not be a bit hurt. I believe that you love me the least bit- & shall believe it - till you tell me that you don't - but all the same, you may haveto me than you are not sick - for I believe I love you, about as well as I love anything human & I deny its being "cheerful" to remain in ignorance of your fate My sweetheart My precious troublesome thing - good-night Write - directing care of E. L. Brown - 226 Monroe St. Chicago - & please to write soon - or else write that you are sick & can't write- & believe me - ever & always yours Fanny. Maverick House East Boston April 12th My dearest darling; - I know not how to write to you - for when I would begin - the pain of feeling that I have estranged you, by my silence - is so intolerable, that I have to put down my pen - Since words do not comeonly tears - ah my God my face is blistered - my eyes blinded with them at this moment. Yet now that I feel that you must be getting home & perhaps (for I do not know) going away from me - I must reach out my hand to touch you - must try at least to make you realize that if my silence has had no sufficient reason - it has had different ones from any you could have guessed - You have thought - you must have thought, that I was heartless, unfaithful, ungrateful - everything that I have seemed - yet have notbeen - & the trouble has been that I did not realize what this seeming would be - till too late - or I would at any cost of effort, have prevented it - would have roused out of my grief & trouble, to tell you it was these & not indifference or any unfaithfulness that made me dumb 2. but each day I would think - "not today, I cannot write with this upon me - tomorrow it will end" - & the tomorrows have gone on into weeks - & "the end is not yet" - Perhaps you remember, that I was not well that Sunday when you saw me last & I took cold on myjourney to St. Albans & was very ill there - I was ill when your letters reached me there - & when one from Sue came to my dark room & the bed that held so little rest for me - however, I knew I should be better & so waited to write reply & then Mary was taken sick - alarmingly so - & meanwhile, here at home Miss Gale's brother lay ill with typhoid fever - I could not come to her & father's assistance for some two or three weeks - & then came when Mary was not fit to be left nor I fit to travel - in ans. to a dispatch thattold me I must make haste if I wanted to see him alive - He was alive when I got here & staid here between the two worlds for six weeks - dying on Sat. morning some three weeks since - Miss Gale took his remains to their old home in Greenwich. 3. Father accompanied her & I was left here alone & was very ill for two days while he was away neuralgia or spasms - or something mysterious in this dreadful stomach of mine. I am better now - though tired - for I have just returned from St. Albans whereI have had to go again - to see Mary - for she is still sick tho much better & father got home from his journey too tired to start on another & I had to go instead - It has been a terrible winter - the acct. of it would be only a new form of "hospital sketches" - I have been nowhere & seen no one - I have only been out two evegs the entire season - once to the Opera & once to the theatre to see Miss Leclercq & then I paid dearly for the effort - being at the time too weak to bear the bad air of the Theatrewithout dire consequences. Well so much for what can be told: - for the rest - I have been well-nigh crushed by the most unexpected & overwhelming trouble that ever came to me in my life - I can't write about it! - Imagine your experience with an "impassioned soul" - extended & intensified & finally culminating in an awful crash - I cannot give you any idea of it - & issues have come of it, that have nearly broken up all pleasant family relations; why I barely speak to Stephen, whom I have always loved so tenderly - I can't write about it - when I see youI will tell you if you care to hear - I only touched upon it now, to let you see that not only sickness & death - but paralyzing trouble has held me silent - I don't know as you will ever forgive me for the silence though I cannot help feeling that if you knew the half that I have been through - you would but if you cannot forgive- at least, believe in me- for God's sake, do that - for if you could read my heart, you would see, that I deserve that you should - Oh sometimes, in the middle of this my thoughts have turnedto you & I don't know but I might have cried out to you - but always I would recall you as I saw you that day looking stately though so sweet, with the dark bright head thrown back proudly - & with radiant eyes; - with the dainty rich dress falling about 5. you. With the red rose on your shoulder & softer sweeter ones - roses such as June brings - & youth brings - on your cheeks; - crowned victorious you looked that day! My God, how I loved you & how far away from you I felt. "She has no need of me now." I said & though I felt strangely alone& desolate at the thought God knows I loved you well enough to be glad that you had outlived that need- And so recalling you as you were that day- at the rare times when speech been possible- I have thought out of the very unselfishness of my love- "why darken her sunshine - why intrude a ghostly reminder "that sorrow is" upon her, now? Thank God - at last, she is happy why put my burden upon her?" I was wrong! - I believe I am always wrong! - I am now that I put upon you the heavy, awful burden of doubt that I forcedyou to doubt my love for you - for you who have been not only all goodness to me - but all that I ever asked, in the object I should have - I see it now but God forgive me (& will you too. if you can) - I did not see it then - I say again believe in me, even if you hate me 6. I have been so away from the world, that I have nothing to tell you, about anybody - James I have hardly seen all winter he has been sick & looks wretchedly - George Fall has lost his baby - & nearly lost his wife - Mr. Phillips has been away I believe more than usual - I have seen him but once & then across the church; he looked worn & bent & old. Some one told me that Mrs. Rockwood has been with him, speaking in the West, but I think this can hardly be so. Mr. Parsons sailed by the Tara after a successful season I hear - Mrs. Livermore has gone to Washington & is going to Minnesota-I saw her the other day & she spoke very graciously about you - she had better if she wishes a civil reply from me-but I distrust the woman all the same, she is a backbiter & I fear a malicious one though I may be wrong Little Jay - have you heard? - that cowardlyscoundrel Harry White has cruelly walked out of his engagement with her - leaving her greatly in debt - debts that she has insured for him & his family It is natural to say as every one does that she is well rid of him - but that don't make her disappointment in him a lighter one by any means. 7. You ask about Mary Leonard - I presume she is still at Pekin though I have heard nothing in an age - 'Luander' has been here & seems greatly changed made more serious & more manly, if less happy, by the Chicago experience - 'Robert' has been here 'off & on' agreat deal & I hear is his best self but I have had no opportunity to see him - I have been tied so closely - or too ill. Lou. Moulton I have seen a few times & she always asks for you - & speaks of you with affection - So does 'Trillie' for that matter - Kate has been in St. Albans all winter, but even when there, I did not see her but once or twice She was 'three miles out' & our men so ill & in so much trouble that we saw no one - You can see what a dreary winter it has been to me - I never care to livethrough another like it - I have no idea that I should have lived through this - if it hadn't been for you & Doct. Thomas - My stay with you last summer & fall - & his treatment did wonderful things for me. I felt the benefit of it all - more afterwards than at the time - Much more - 8. Now I want to ask you about your plans - Are you going to England & when? & if you are going when is one to have a glimpse of you here? There are some things about your own interests that I want to say before you go - Some things I must tell & can not write - If I am wellenough. I expect to go to N. Y. some day after the 20th - I have a friend a pretty widow who has returned from Germany & bought a house there & she insists upon my going on. I shall do so, unless you are to be here, about that time - in which case I must be here, to see you or if you are to be at home the last week of the month I thought you might come over to me, there - Of course I have no idea what your plans are - nor what about 'Marmee' & Sue - in case you go away - If Marmee goes to John's perhaps Sue would like to have me bring her home withme - the "Radical Clubs" & dreadful things here might amuse her & I would do my best - I am going to write her a bit of a note - today - if I can - though I have cried my eyes so nearly out of my head that I may have to wait till tomorrow - How is Sue 9. in every way? I wish to God everybody could be well & happy - & dear little frail sweet 'Marmee', is she pretty well - & any stronger as the Spring comes on? My tender, reverent love for her - Is Edwin at home yet & how is he & what about John? - My own little Animile I amunchanged to you (how ever changed in myself) & care for all that is a part of your life - Don't judge me too hardly though if you are angry I can never complain - only believe in me - Ah my dear one. My precious darling. it seems to me you must do that - it seems to me that you must feel through all - the truth, that I never loved anything on earth as I have loved - & do love - & shall ever love you! - & my darling, you are the only being, I ever greatly loved who never disappointed my idea of them - you - God bless you - haveproved even better & greater & sweeter than my first loving dream of you. - Believe in me, & write me one little word - for at heart - though sorely troubled - I have always been - as I am today - Your own faithful Fanny Charlie sends love to you & 'Marmee' - Home Friday My darling Animile What an animile it is! & what a loving & generous Christmas you did leave behind for Charles & your old Fanny Charles's "Sphinx" was so unexpected & so acceptable that his little blue eyes winked & winkedwith suspicious rapidity when he opened it & as for that little slip of paper accompanying - he has that, under lock & key & brings it out for semi-occasional reading with an air of serene satisfaction that I wish you could see - What shall I say to you? You make my heart ache with your goodness - Don't you know & didn't you know that the gloves & the neckties were enough & more than enough? - & When I came to that pin I was just about finished & speechless. I sit up at night to look at it - for I never saw anything of the kind so lovely & so exquisite It is simply perfectI wish you would stop being good to me for awhile for my bones are "crunched" at last - Oh you dear bad lovely animile don't you see that I nearly die sometimes with the sense of my love for you & my powerlessness to bless you May God bless you - after your heart's desire, since I cannot! My little darling I want you so! & think about you constantly - I worry about your work now that you are less strong & wish I could hear all about you - I trust the Christmas at home was all that you wanted it to be - My love to the dear "Marmee" & Sue & my special cavalier dear old EdwinCharlie sends his too - especially to his daughter as he proudly calls you Poor James has been sick for some days & I rather think hasn't got the watchstand yet but George was delighted with his gift - It seems dull & lonesome at the Bureau & indeed everywhere just now Come back soon for I am beginning to mistrust that from being a luxury, you have come to be an absolute necessity in life to your faithful loving old Fanny Do write half a line, for I get anxious about youRome July 29 Darling Animile: A bad animile but just as dear as though you were good! - Bad because you tell what you have done but not what you will do. If I go to Mary's next week will you comeThere "right away" when you get East or shall I come back home after you - or shall I wait here for you? I will do anything reasonable or unreasonable to get possession of you but thought as everybody else I know has been here and gone that I might as well wait for you at Mary's, as to stay here in solitary state - unless - you are coming soon. Write half a line & tell me what to do - I want to bother you about something else. A fewmisguided people are howling for my picture & as I can't get a good one at 'Blacks' nor go to 'Sarony's' for that express purpose - I want to order some photographs from a negative at "Lothrop's" in your city & I haven't his address Will you take the trouble to send "Watkins" - or somebody to do it for me? I suppose you will know the place. Sue took me there & I had two porcelains taken & the negatives were both to be preserved - I want a dozen pictures from the one that gives the side face - Canthe being get them here by Aug 5th? If not, they will probably have to go to St. Albans - I hate to trouble you about it & if it proves to be more trouble than I anticipate - let it all go, till another time. I have much to say - Mary Leonard has been here. Pete has been here - Edwin Brown & heaven knows who else & they each & all rhapsodized about you, to my hearts delight - Perhaps Pete don't like you a little! perhaps he don't; - but I must say if he don't - he is a good actor - as well as a good fellowI am in great haste this morning as this penmanship would show - But I want to hear from you & so would not delay longer about writing - My heart's truest love goes with the scrawl & I am always, the dear animiles Faithful Fanny Sat. 29 Dear Animile, I shall expect you on Wedy Aug 2d as arranged - unless I hear from you to the contrary; & will be ready for you - I have been too ill to write before& haven't a moment now Love to all FannySt Albans May 6th My darling Animile. No I'm not one bit nice & I know it - & I do expect to go into Benny's cave or some other dire & dismal place as a just punishment for my shortcomings towards you I didn't write you before I went to New York because I had it in my mind to whisk on from there in pursuit of you as I then expected to be obliged to go West [*My Mary sends heaps of love. Mine to dear Marmee f e *]But when I got there I found Macauley (whom I wanted to see) was to be there so I waited for him - & when I had telegraphed Sue & got your whereabouts I found you had got so far away that I gave up in despair - So when I had made my visit out (I was at Mrs. Heaton's the next street to Laura B.'s I came back here out of sheer homesickness & here your letters have been forwarded & they should have been answered ere this only that we have been in such a fix that I could get about nothing for one reason - & for another. I have been debating the point in my mind for ten days past as to whether or no I would go West this month & thinking that in case I did I should go by Phila. [Philadelphia] to consult Doct. Thomas for I am in wretched case - I dilayed to make that decision - which it is that I'm not going - I don't propose to bore youwith the details of my affairs ("personal affairs") for there are always more than enough beings ready to spot your pretty gowns with tears and I never did mean to join those ranks; but I have been in a frame of mind for weeks past about divers matters that I wouldn't write you about - & I couldn't write about anything else - Suffice it to say just here & now that I shall never be able to get on with that Macauley arrangement 2. I fear and my heart was set upon it - also (this for you alone out of all the world so you're not to breathe it in an empty room even) - I have had just about one third of a quarrel with dear old Pete & that fraction has about killed me - & in short I feel like having a whole out & out quarrel with myself - There! do let us change the subject - I am so stirred up about your stage affairs that I can hardly contain myself or wait for a talk with youGod knows I am glad to have you going out of the unrest of indecision on this subject even if you are going into struggle & hard work - But I know as only the few can how hard you work now & what is to come can hardly be worse; & then I haven't the slightest doubt of your success - triumph even from the first - I went to see Clara Fisher in "Aline" when I was in New York and after having heard Pete confess to having cried himself nearly to death four times over it, I made him own that you could act it with ten times the effect. Macauley spoke very encouragingly of your prospects if you would only start and so you say - 'for a manager & an actor that is a great deal' - But there is no need for you to go in search of encouraging words in this matter It seems to me that there can be but one opinion as to your success - in the minds of the enlightened - The only thing that troublesme about it is the getting started & yet that ought not to be such a very formidable matter with such a name as yours to base a new reputation upon But there is no talking up this subject on paper. I wish I could see you. I wish that I could know how you are in health & in spirits. I wish all sorts of impossible things about you. I thank Heaven that I didn't know a thing about your being sick till you were better and I pray Heaven that you are now well There is one thing in my chapter on personal affairs that I forgot to put in & that is this When I came back here it was with the intention of staying but a week but Stephen was taken down with what proved to be only chicken pox but in the beginning he was so very sick that he frightened us nearly into believing that he had vanished - So I had to stay till the matter was decided as I didn't wish to carry disaster into the bosom of my familySo, having staid so long I am now waiting for Mary to get through with her small people's [surge?] of chicken pox and her spring campaign of sewing that I may take her along with me - I think we shall get off by next week - She will be with me for three weeks perhaps - after that I may go West if it's not too warm or - but I'll not bore you with my possibilities - I want to know something of your plans. I imagine you are just at home & am wondering if you are still looking California wards or if stage projects have changed all that - Whatever you do or whenever you go remember that you are to come here for a visit sometime during the summer - If I knew that you were at home at date & also that you were going to Cal. - so that one couldn't hope to see you for ages I should which on there for a couple of days for Ireally want to see Doct. Thomas - But as it is I shall wait some for Mary and meanwhile shall look very impatiently for a letter from you. There surely never was anybody so good as you have been to write to me all through my silence & I assure you I appreciate it. To me - to my unenlightened mind and unregenerate heart and unconverted soul (if I have a soul) there never, never was - nor is, nor can be anything like my own little animile any way. My dear how I want to see you & how I love you. You don't begin to know how much. My heart gets so bitter & so hard sometimes that I almost think there is nothing good left in it - no unselfishness no tenderness - until I think about you & then I realize that I always always love my animile - The animile's Faithful old Fanny Write Write WRITEMaverick House Oct 7th My darling Animile To think that you are to make a big speech tonight & I not there to hear it! - Dear me! "Nobody knows the trouble I see Lord - nobody knows" - I feel worse than "poor [Peoney?]" ever did, I know - I am not "a proud timid child" to be sure - but on the other hand I am not overflowing with "iambic vivacity" at date - but I should like to "come to your life for the last two months for something [*please to reform & become Mrs. Shylock "wire me yet." - Write me half a line right away & believe me Your own Fanny*]more than [?]" - Oh my dear one it is too bad that I couldn't be there to see you & hear you & glory in you tonight - as for loving you - no well-regulated person (like me) could be expected to do that - Well, our dear Charles was worse from Friday night up to yesterday - (since when he has been better) - & so as I didn't hear from you I took it for granted that you were going to Laura's & thought I hadn't better go this time - but I hope my darling will win new laurels though she doesn't need them & look better than her best though she is always such a pretty animile - & have her full measure of triumph & all else that her heart desires. When is her poor old Fanny to see her? I expect to be in N.Y. next week if all goes well - I am to take Mrs. Townsend that far on her way home & I may stay over for the 20th & 23rd - or I may come home & go back again - but - where are you to be on Sunday the 19th? Oh you bad animile what made you do it? What made you send me that pretty red gown in which you looked like "a royal Bengal" & which is sonice & fresh that you ought to have kept it for such times as you wish to be a ferocious animile - Of course I like it & it is just what I have aspired to get some day & I thank you for it many times but I do wish you would consider yourself a little more - because by & by if you don't look out you will wake up some fine morning & find that you have given away your head & a "Headless Horseman" is bad enough but think of a "Headless Animile" no no I couldn't hear that - & my own dear little animile too - So Tues. June 11th Dear Animile: I send this P.S. following close upon the heels of yesterday's letter, to say that Charles with the fickleness of his sex has changed his plans & will not go to Albany untilMonday - I don't imagine it matters to you when we do go but I always feel so much nearer to you if I get out of N.E. - & know that you are this side of Chicago that I am always hoping for impossibilities about seeing you Do let us have a letter soon, if not the sight of your dear face - & believe me with more love than you want Your Faithful FannyMaverick House May 22nd My darling Animile; I am in such a state over your dispatch that not knowing when you will write I want to 'state the case' without losing any time - which it is this - Mary Edmunds is here to go about on her lame [* I met Pericles & he looked just like a rose; faded to be sure - but you know even a faded rose has an ineffable sweetness.*]first & do her spring shopping & I don't feel that I ought to leave her unless I must. I don't know just when she will go but by the first of week after next, undoubtedly - Now I want to know if that will be too late for me to go to you: - If not, I can leave much better then than earlier - But if you are whisking off somewhere & there is no getting at you, after next week - I believe I shall have to run away, or do some desperate thing, for I cannot go on much longer without seeing you I am well-nigh starved for the mere sight of youNow be a angel & write me the moment you get this for I can't rest till I know about you & how I am to get hold of you, - If I got to you by June 3rd would that do - or is it one of the "now or never" occasions ? Write immijit & secure me Your own faithful FannyPekin May 20 My darling girl- I have just sent a long penitent letter for you to Phila. - because that was the only sure address but I think you must be somewhere in this vicinity & I send this line at a venture to tell you that I want to see you - If you are to be in Chicago over Sunday & can telegraph me to that effect I will go up onSaturday, or if you prefer I will stay & meet you in Bloomington on Tuesday May 10th (as I hear you are to be there then) - If you telegraph, send to me - care of "Mr. Phillips - Beardstown, Illinois." - If I dont hear from you at all, I shall come from Beards- town (for which place I leave tomorrow) & meet you at Bloomington I imagine you may get to Chicago the last of this week & then get this in that case you have only to telegraph; if there is time for me to get to you there - or do nothing if it is possible & bet that I meet you in Bloomington - If by any chance however; you are in Chicago now & this reaches you, please to write me (Beardstown address) & I'll knowbetter what to do. I am impatient to see you. I love you past all telling - you have no dead nor living not in my love - nobody ever called out of me what I have given you - oh so gladly. Good-by for a few days. I must see you soon. Meanwhile believe me to be Yours always & faithfully Fanny N. Edmunds Poughkeepsie June 23d My darling Girl - I have been a wretch - of course I have, not to tell you about getting your two letters - & thinking you a saint - but I have been "on the wing" & have been sick - & so will you please to forgive me? I was in Chicago for two or three days as I came down from Sheboygan & I saw "good boy" [*I haven't seen that article on "Marriage" I'll get it if I can.*]& I made him speak of you, yet I couldn't make him say anything - which fact may or may not be suggestive - rather - & on the last of the two or three days - just as I was putting myself into my trunks & my travelling duds your first came & I devoured it & hugged it & should have reminded you of Shakespeare "immejate"- inasmuch as to which I was "twice glad" - first because you were not really sick & next because you do love me one little bit. God bless you. My little love. My own woman out of all the world - - Well I went to Toledo that night because I wanted to see P.V.G. for "good boy" had told me not to consign myself to "Redpath" but to go to "Carter" - & I was puzzled & uncertain & thought Iwould ask P.V.G and I did and he said write to Redpath now - & I wrote - Was that right? - I went to Detroit that same day and there your second letter found me - How good you are to me dear - I wish I knew how to thank you but I don't - "Meddling" to write in my behalf? You know you were not you know it was just that I wanted you to do - only that you were so tired & busy that I couldn't ask it of you - While on this subject - I want to say a word - Mr. Redpath wrote to me that though he thought that I should succeed better to lecture than to read yet as my choice was so decidedly the other way he had put my name on the reader's list and couldn't put it on the lecturers unless I telegraphed my subjects & perhaps not then as I might be too late for his list which was almost ready to go to press. I telegraphed "Dickens" - forone subject - & -"Some Humor and a little Heroism" for another but I am afraid that he has outrun my desire to be pushed in the way of reading by having me off the other list - If you are not too busy will you tell me what you think about it? - I hate to write "business" to you - it is more natural to make a little ineffectual struggle to tell you how precious you are to me - & yet some way, even that - won't do - for I want you here - where I can look into your sweet, sweet face & kiss it & watch it glow & change as you talk - & that reminds me of just what I sat down to ask & that is about Newport. Do you still think you'll want me? & if you do - can you tell me when? I go from here in the morning to my sister's & my stay there will depend upon what I hear from you so please dear send me a little short line right away - Direct care of "Hon Homer E. Royce St. Albans Vt.I shall not stay in St. Albans many days any way - but I thought it might make some difference in my plans, to know yours & then too - I am longing to hear from you. You were half sick with a cold and were writing hard I know - when you sent the last letter - & I want to hear about you "Do I think there is anything in you?" - Sweetheart I think there is - a little - enough to make your nature sweeter richer, more satisfying than that of any other woman in the estimation of Your loving Fanny.Maverick House June 28th My darling Animile; I got your letter a few days before going to Albany & have been back some days without having found time to answer it- Everything & everybody whirls around here in this bit of a place so full of people & nothing is accomplished - This Jubilee isn't the 'sweet boon' to methat it seems to be to some people and yet I should think that just for once you who like humanity in brigades would like to see that vast space literally filled once - I went "Grant day" (imagine my enthusiasm) just to see the people & I declare it was like the "day of judgment" in this, - that " all the nations of the earth seemed to be gathered together" Have you seen Lou. Moulton's "Dissolving Views" of this affair in the 'Tribune' - I do think they are really exquisite - By the way do you know "Shirley Dare" - & do you think her as wonderful as other people do & do you know anything about a Mrs. Elliott lately divorced from a Mr. Elliott a publisher of Hearth & Home or of something I really can't swear, what? I will tell you what I know about her when I see you - she interests me enough to make me curious - Oh there is so much that I want to ask & hear aboutthat I cant wait to see you - I heard you were in Hartford tho I don't remember who told me - I hope it is so for then you can rest & have a good time - but when are you coming here For heaven's sake is "Leander" in love with you? - Lou. Moulton asked me that & I was merely amused but the other day as I was going to Albany who should join me on the train at Westfield but himself - and the way he blushed when he said he had just recd. a letter from you & the eagerness with which he clutched at an invitation to go to St. A. when I told him that I was living on the hope that you would go to Mary's & the way he went on generally was something amazing! even for him. & I would like to ask meekly if such things can be without 'our special wonder' - Oh you bad animile - must you have even that mouse-like scalp?Do you hear a word from Pete who behaves like a wretch & doesn't answer my letters - & do you have any news that I want to hear I stumbled upon Mammy [Laurent?] the other day - Didn't she look forlorn & bitter & desperate & dilapidated? Rather - Had I heard of Anna's engagement? she asked "To, Mr. Allison" - I replied. She nodded - "Oh yes' I said, "I had heard that semi-annually for the last four or five years - "was it possible it had but just got to her?" - She looked like the three witches in Macbeth rolled into one that day - her face needed powder - her skirt needed panniers & her whole being seemed to be in punishing need of immortal youth! I hear that Ann is pretty well, thank you & has gone into summer quarters at Swampscott - did you get a "Post" I sent you with an abstract of a painful conciliatory littlespeech against 'Strikes', made by one "Wendell Phillips"? Isn't he that 'rare jewel consistency'? - Mary Wilmuth is coming East - I expect her here before long & wish you could meet her - she is well worth knowing & she writes me that Mary Leonard is coming too tho' not with her - I can't stay to write more - & you must excuse my having written so hastily but everything has 'come at once' these last few days & I have happened to be very busy I want so much to know when one may hope to see you - if I can only have you for a little while at Mary's I believe I can take a new lease of life - My love to dear "Marmee" & to Sue & the love that cannot change nor lessen for yourself - Your own old FannyMiss Nellie A Gibbons [Bod?] , 60 [Petiston]Peoria May 3d My darling Anna I wrote you yesterday that I would (if you didn't telegraph me to be at Chicago on Sat.) - meet you at Bloomington on the 10th But if you are to be here on the9th I will meet you here. Address me at Beardstown In haste but lovingly yours, Fanny B. Ed--Maverick House East Boston June 10th My darling Anemile. Don't say you are "not coming to New England, unless to visit Mary" - unless you say surely - that you will go to Mary's If you will promisethat, you may stay there & broil yourself till you come if you prefer - A book!! no, you never hinted it! A book! dear me, can you, dare you expect a blessing to rest upon that book unless I am permitted to sit perched up in bed of morning to sit upon a few chapters thereof, with my owl like wisdom? - The big room at Mary's will be the snug place for that session - "When is the best time to visit Mary?" - Why for that matter any time that bestsuits you will be best after the middle of July (The house will be given over to paper hangers till then, unless they fail her) - My plan- not a fixed one, by any means, was to go in August, - for Sept. is heavenly there & the very midsummer is apt to be too warm But I don't like to wait so long without seeing you, & any way I want your comfort in the matter of time consulted. Remember your promise to write me your plans when you know them- Charles sends his dear love -He & I, are to be in Albany for two days Are you to be any where, within reach of my 'claw'? We go to Albany on Sat. next - according to present plan, & stay till Tues. (at the 'Dickinson House') & then go to Chester VT & home on Thursday - I can't stay to write more - I am glad dear 'Marmee' is as well as she is - What about Sue? How is Edwin & how is Uncl. Thomas? My love to all - I am better but not so strong as I could wish I send my hearts best to my animile - FannySunday Nov. 3 Dear little Animile: You're about the dearest thing in the wide world & you're quite the most tantalizing. Of course I couldn't go to Woburn last week expecting you daily as I was - so I did my 'level best' to 'rake out' a certain seamstress I must have to make Charles a dressing gown etc - & of course - she couldn't come till this week - If I could have had her here last week I could [*If the being doesn't come I'll try for Brattleboro - or Athol - Do you, make your Boston speech there? Let me hear from your right away Love to dear Marmee & Sue*]have this week in peace & freedom - as it is - I'm afraid I shall have to stay at home & look after & drive the being - for Charles & I now intend to leave for Buffalo Nov. 11th - to meet Julia there on the 12th so what I want done must be done at once - You see I'm not to be here, for your 12th Nov. speech which is almost more than I can bear in itself - & makes it particularly aggravating that I can't go to Brattleboro - Indeed, I don't see how I can; & again, - I dont see how I can stay away since if I don't see you there I don't see when I am to put my eyes on you - Athol? - About twenty miles this side of Greenfield is it? - You are to be there on Friday - & are you coming here from there, for Sat. & Sunday? In that case if I can't go to Brattleboro I may possibly be able to get to Athol for Friday night & come down with you on Sat. - I do want to see you inexpressibly - but unless that seamstress disappoints me, I don't see how I'm to get off Write me or telegraph me at once where I can next see you without taking much time to get to you. I suppose if I had the vanity to believe that you wanted to see me one fiftieth part as much as I do you, I should go - duty to the contrary - but I haven't that vanity "I'm not that man [?line]" - so I must contend against my more selfish wish in the matter - I can't stay to write today only to beg you to let me hear a word at once - & to believe me Your own loving Fanny Fri. Darling Animile I didn't half finish my letter yesterday & though I have nothing very eloquent to say "in conclusion" - want to say one thing more & that is - that hot [* Write me a word "right away".*}as it is here, it must be cooler than it is there, & that ought to be an inducement for you to come on - I wish to Heaven you would! I will try to take good care of you & make you comfortable & God knows I want to see you badly enough - You ask about my plans - I don't know them - further than to have made up my mind that I prefer to stay where I am through this month at least to going anywhere I can have plenty of room & running water - & those practical considerations are not to be slighted in such weather - Mary Wilworth has been here with her husband & they wanted me to go to the 'the White Mts.' with them but I declined - Mrs. Davis goes to Martha's Vineyard next week & wants me to go there which I may do- later. though I think not - Mary Leonard is coming East in a wretched state ofhealth & I have written her to come here to pay me a visit while she is on - which will probably be quite a while ahead - I can go to Mary's anytime, & as I have been there thence times within a few months & she has so recently been here - I prefer to wait awhile anyway), especially if there is the faintest chance of my carrying you captive there. So you see I am in a sort ofplacid chaos - the only settled thing therein, being, that I shall be where I am - for the present, - & 'woulded" you were with me- I haven't a bit of news. I sit still in an atmosphere of virtuous serenity & let this wicked world 'gang its ain gait' But, how I want to see my animile! Her own loving Fanny.My darling - tell me how to find you & when & where - I should have been at the 'Sherman' last night but thought from what Mrs. Collyer said that it wouldbe useless to expect you till this morning & as Mr. Collyer said you were to go there 'early this morning' I thought I wouldn't go out in the "unpleasantness" for nothing so I send this by my cousin Mr. Cady - If you chance to see him, you can send me word as to your whereabouts - or if you are not visible please to write me just one line - forwhether you imagine it or not - I am not a little impatient to clutch you Yours Always Fanny B. Edmunds Sunday A.M. Home - Saturday April 8th (71) Dear Animile: If an Animile can be a goose then you are a goose. If you really want to go to England there is no earthly reason why you shouldn't go - As for Marmee's notfeeling contented to board- what did she do but board all last summer? & what will she do but board (in all human probability) - if you stay here? - My precious darling your heart is too big for you; - a small animile ought to have a lesser one - I know very well that you are a wretch "capable of any enormity & any crime" - but nonetheless you have an oversensitive conscience about some things & do far more than your duty by those you love - God bless your great tender heart. And where Marmee is concerned you are the worst possible goose - you know she will be perfectly comfortablecomfortable wherever she may be placed & that Sue will have her to worry about if she is not at housekeeping - As for Edwin I propose to elope with him to the quiet & retirement of a "Water Cure" The matter of teeth you are also a goose about - for I should like to ask & I do it with all due meekness & becoming consciousness of my extreme ignorance - if all England cannot boast one solitary dentist worthy to penetrate them "pearly portals"? & surely you don't intend to be in such a whirl over there - that you can't give a day to the ceremony - I don't know just how you feel about going but if you want to go - I want very much to have you now that it has been madeclear to my hitherto benighted mind that you are not going to speak - And I really cannot see the slightest reason worth considering why you shouldn't do as you wish about it. Of course you realize that I have ascended the highest heights of magnanimity disinterested unselfish heroic self-abnegating self-denying self-sacrificing (let imagination supply the rest) - love - to say a word in favor of your going for it does sever us though I should very nearly repine to contemplate giving you up for the summer when I am already very nearly starved & famished for my animile - but I can't be quite such a witch as not to care first for what is my animiles best good & pleasure & happiness - I want to say more but must stop now in great haste - Be a angel - as you have been - & write often to your own faithful, tender, loving Fann [* [?ev] sends love *]Maverick House Sept. 28th Wedy Evnig. My own darling Anemile; You are a saint & I am a wretch "capable of any enormity, & any crime" - Your letter came a moment since & up to that moment, it has seemed utterly impossible for me to write one word - You were wrenched from me so suddenly & so completely, when I had been so unspeakably blessed in having you so entirely to myself for so long - that the change has been well-nigh intolerable - & I had no heart to break the silence I haven't sought any comfort for none can comfort me - nor any substitution for you save in work - The day you left, I went about to several places before coming home - for I couldn't come home to say alone & so waited till Charles came - & since that day - if you can credit the statement - I haven't crossed the threshold of this house except once, when I went to a druggists for some "beef tea" - Imagine the state of my "nerves" after I have been indoors for a whole week - But - I wanted you & I didn't want other people - & where was the use in prancing about alone I thought - so I fell to revolutionizing in "a awful" manner - I have changed my own sleeping-room from an inner - to a front room, - I have had three carpets taken up & put down again - wardrobes pulled in pieces, bureau & closet drawers emptied upon the floor together with the contents of fine trunks - curtains have come down - pictures & books have come down - & anarchy & confusion have reigned, while I have travelled & lifted & dusted (with my wig tied up in a big handkerchief) till I could stand up no longer & then I have crept under my mosquito-bars & gone fast asleep - That has been the programme for an entire week - I have been sleepless & restless in the morning so I have arisen from my lair at seven o'c & prowled & pranced ina terrific manner till about midnight but now - order is nearly restored & I propose to go out & behave like a angel, presently My one regret in staying at home in this way has been that I haven't been in to give the order for that picture; - my conscience has reproached me sorely, for the neglect - but still I have let it go on from day to day. I will attend to it at once now. As you will guess already I haven't seen your friend I haven't seen Jimmy. I haven't seen any body. You have spoiled me for other people - you have proved so good & so lovely in such a large sweet way that I cannot be content with ordinary beings - nor silence the almost intolerable longing to have you back again - Oh those dear delicious days when I had you! I tried to drain their nectar, drop by drop, but it seems now, as though I would appreciate them tenfold if I could live them over again. - & I know I could, & would, be better to you! I wasn't half good enough to you, my darling! I can't write about it. - for the penitent tears that are half blinding me as I write - but if ever I have the chance to make amends - you may be sure I will thank God for the privilege of doing so. - "Fechter"? No. I haven't seen him again - I shall send Charles without me on Friday night - I don't want to go to that play without you - I find I am really somewhat better now that I have got home Sea-air & "beef-tea" "* & more than these - you, have helped me I am sure - I can't write any more my dear. I have cried till my Grecian feature is very red & my head is at "concert pitch" & I must stop here if I am to get any sleep tonight You didn't tell me what the comments were upon your pictures - especially the picture - I want to know - I shall try to see your friend within a few days & will write again then - Do write to me not a long letter that is to tire you & eat up your time - but a word- If * & "Hoofman" I could see you standing up before my glass now - in that little red sack arranging those "nut-cakes" I should be the happiest being on the two continents. Charles sits here reading "What Answer?" & sends thanks for the kind remembrances - & love to all - Give my warm love to your mother & to Sue (to Edwin too) - & for yourself oh my precious one - words refuse to come - my heart is so full. Remember that you have given me the happiest summer of my life & that I love you with my very tenderest love - Your own faithful, loving old FannyMaverick House Sat. Jany. 20th My own darling Your letter from Sing Sing came this morning & I was so glad to get it for I had been thinking about you with a forlorn lonesome feeling of separation & then too I am always anxious about you. I got home all right & have [* Charles sends love to his dear daughter*] been as well as usual since I have brought the hat & the little jacket home & like them very much; the jacket can be easily made right for me though I hate to touch it in any way that is to alter the look of it that brings my little animile right before me -True, James has come home at last with hair-standing-on end stories about his narrow escape & the disaster generally & far lighter matter, a romantic little sketch of his encounter with Mr. Phillips somewhere on the vast Western wilds - It was at Terre Haute I think that he heard late in the eveg. that Mr. Phillips was at the other Hotel so he pranced over there knocked at his door & Mr. P. with a little silk cap on his head appeared in response to the summons - They didn't go to bed but started off at some unearthly hour for some As for the N.Y. matter I hope you will do that speech again - not so much that you may surpass the last one as that & you may have a crowd to hear it as I think you would - I don't know where I shall send this letter - I am going to consult George on that point = where - which place they reached the eve'g following & there after Mr. Phillips had spoken they retired to their roost sleeping as James enthusiastically phrases it "not only in the same room but the same bed" - James said a great deal on the score of your popularity West about the hold you had on the people there &c - andsaid that Mr. Phillips told him that no sway could compare with yours except Gough's - there are not the words but the "epic" is the same - I suppose I needn't go into business as George said that he telegraphed you a whole letter this morning on the subject of this trouble some "route" - I hope you will have it fixed up 'somehow' so that it will be no extra tax upon your strength my tired patient darling for I cannot bear to think how hard you work. I hope the [?] week will prove a pleasant one & rest you & [brighten] brighten you a littlebut if I send it to Phila. - please to deliver from within its folds an abundance of warm sincere love for dear "Marmee" & all the household - (when is Edwin coming to trot around with me?) - Dear, good night & God take care of you - When you are not too busy or too gay or too tired write to yr. faithful Fanny St. Albans July 5th Friday. My dear Anna; Your letter has come - & though I am lost in wonder that you really do want me - yet I am only too glad to go to you wherever you may be - I have tried to be disinterested & say "no" to your invitationbut I just can't - I cannot resist the vision of those two weeks with you. I leave for home by tonight's train & will decide as soon as possible after seeing "papa" & a dressmaker - when I can go - & let you know at once - Meanwhile if you should want to write me - direct to the "Maverick House East Boston" Is it possible that you love me any? It seems so strange; - though God knows I love you dearly. - Always yours truly & lovingly - Fanny. Miss Anna E. Dickinson Maverick House East Boston Sunday, July 10th My darling Anna; If I decide to go to you the last week of this month - (commencing on the 25th) - how will that suit my little girl? I find I can't get away earlier - & if that time is perfectly convenient to you - I prefer it - as I don't care about waiting any longer than I must - before seeing you. - It seems almost too good to be true, this prospect of having you to myself for such a "blessed season." I have a few things to tell you & many I hope - to hear - but we must wait a few days longer. Write me "right away" if you can - whether the time mentioned will suit you or when you do want your lover - for you know I am that Good-by sweetheart - Yours always Fanny. Direct "Maverick House East Boston" "Maverick House" East Boston July 16th My darling Anna; I am worried about your silence. I wrote you from St. Albans on receipt of your letter of June 30th - & again - last Sunday. - & never a word have I seen since, in your hand writing, not even [?] [?] / her mark. / - Are you [*but having begun I shall here stop - but love you always deeply & dearly Your Fanny Do write - be a angel "for once" Direct here "Maverick House" East Boston*] sick? Have you gone away - or haven't you ever come - or are you a inhabitant of an other sphere (If so you can't find it warmer than "this one" - Or- did I - pitch upon the very wrong time to go to Newport & are you having misgivings about telling me so? - or - what? Speak, if you please - for this silence is very oppressive & then too, aside from all wonder & worriment about it - I do think it would be rather nice to read one little bit of a characteristic line from somebody who shall be nameless but whose in-initials is [Niha's?] - It is just possible that my letter didn't get to you though it was addressed as this will be - but in it I said that I would go at any time after the 25th of this month - that best suited you - I love you better than I wish I did, for a great love is a 'disturber of the peace. Home July 19th Darling Anna; - Your letter which came this morning was the greatest possible relief to me - though of course it didn't tell the half that I wanted to know - I know you have been very sick; how sick I almost fear to know- but - how much better are you? Are you well enough tofinish up this month at Mary's - if I go on & "fetch" you? - And if you are, don't you think the air there will be better for you than that at Atlantic City? Or - would you like me to go after you when it comes time for Swampscott? Or is there anything that I can do to be of some slight service to you? I really wish you could go to Mary's for awhile - You know she would be happy & I would be happy & - in short - all about that; - but you must do whatever is for your own comfort of course - Edwin Brown has been East & came to see me the other day, when I was feeling most anxious & oh how he scolded about you - about the terrible way in which you were overworking - He said he tried to see you in Chicago last winter to tell you so & for you were too precious to many to be allowed to go on in that ruinous course- He was so eloquent about it that I told him he had better go to see you on his way back & he said he would if you were in Phila. - but I imagine Atlantic City was too many for him - Did you see him If you contemplate Swampscott - I am sorry about the engaged room for it wouldn't be nice for you to have a strange being there, even if you shouldn't want me - Of course you are to have me, if you do want me, but are you sure you haven't thought better of it? I have been nowhere as yet, for I have been so anxious & uncertain about you that I have cared toto go just 'nowhere' - & too - until within a week (when I recd. Sue's despatch) I have been hoping that you could join me at Mary's - & now that you are better I hope so again - If you feel that you can. - let me know at once - if not I think I will not go until Fall - but await your coming here - Remember that I am deeply anxious about you & let me hear from you - or of you - very soon - Charles is so sorry to have his pet daughter sick & sends his very best love - Mine to "Marmee" & Sue & Edwin & a measureless share to my dear animile from Her faithful Fanny -My darling Animile Luander is sitting by me talking! He came off the steamer from Europe this morning. He goes to N. Y. tomorrow (leaving for Brookfield tonight) - but will be here againnext week when we shall see him at Swampscott - Now for Charles - the poor dear goes at 6 P.M. tomorrow - so I shall look for you here (No 13 Old State House) - about noon tomorrow - I want to see you already more than I can tell - the tears came into my eyes as I sat in the car this morning - when the sweet glad tone inwhich you said my name when I tapped at that door - came back to me - God bless thee lovely little animile prays your old Fanny [*So you wrote me a scolding letter the other day! I didn't think that of you. But I shall see you next Monday I trust. How sorry you will be for your dreadful thoughts of me! But I will be forgiving - So will you when you know all. Yours truly L.J. Chamberlain *]My dear little animile I can't get to you tomorrow. - But I will surely do so, on Saturday. If I don't get down by the half past two train to go in the omnibus - will you meet meat Swampscott by the 5:40 train? I am perfectly discouraged at the delay & the worst of it is - it all comes of my missing the train this morning so I have only myself to blame - & I'm rampant Don't scold me for I'm nearly desperate anyway Yours - forever Fanny Thursday A.M. Telegram just recd. 1 P.M. Thursday 18 E. 28th Sq. Don't "go & be" a cruel animile & make me go home without a glimpse of your dear face - When I got here - the man I came to see was in California but was to be here this morning. Now, he is delayed [*and let your poor old Fanny look at you Love to [?] & [?] I look to hear from you "right away" Always Your Fanny*]by a 'water-spout' or something & cant be here before Sat. - (so his despatch says) so I must stay here till into next week - say Wednesday at the earliest - Now can't you come meanwhile - if only for a brief stay? I don't know yet when I shall move from this abiding place which don't suit me very well - but telegraph between now & Saturday morning I think you will be safe to send here After that you may - - - but, no - when I think of it I may not move at all unless you do come - so please let me have a despatch in answer to this - by Saturday morning - for if I am to go I want to get rid of being here over Sunday - Remember I shall not consider your letter that the despatch promises - any answer to this for if you have said "no" ever so decidedly I shall hope that you will reconsider when you find how long I am to stay Do be a good animile!Home Monday July 10 My darling Animile A week ago Sat. night I got your letter of June 29 & instead of writing, as I was 'on the eve' of doing I telegraphed asking "if you would go to Mary's with meduring this month" - & not a word do I hear in reply - If you are dead please to say so - if you are away - come back & say you will go with me there - & if you are angry with your old Fanny come & be hugged - & if you get this letter ever - telegraph & relieve my anxiety - for down under all this I am "worrit" about my precious darling & with love to all am her own Fanny Maverick House Sunday Sept. [?] My dear Animile; You must think me a "bad Fanny" as I am - but not so bad as you think - I was lying very ill when your letter came - went to N.Y. on business beforeI was able to go - & before I got matters settled enough to go to you or see if you would come to me - was summoned home Friday morning by a despatch saying that father was stricken with paralysis - I found him alive & conscious & have great hopes of him. He is very sick but Dctr. T. thinks his symptoms are favorable & that he is really a little better today - I have been up both nights since I came & didn't get my travelling dressoff till this morning so I am not fit to write you more - I will send tidings often Meanwhile, be my own good animile & forgive my delay & write soon to your own loving faithful old FannyParker House 6 P.M. Dear Anna; Patrick tells me that he is going over to you - so I send this, to know whether I am likely to see you, if I am here for an hour or so - or when I may hope to see you - How areyou after the long week's campaign? Yours faithfully Fanny. Charles is away yet he isn't at all well but sends love to you. Maverick House May 30th My own little Animile; I am better tho' still good-for-nothing I haven't been really sick at all, in a nice Christian way but in a "death=in=life" state that is far worse - not sickenough to stay in bed much - yet so useless & cross & desperate that it would have been "ten dollars in everybody's pocket if I'd never been born" - I got worn out with the winter's cares & troubles & felt so much better while in N.Y. that I tho't I was well rested but when I got home & tested myself a little I found my mistake - Mary has staid with me & taken good care of me & scolded me some & done everything she could for me till now but she must leave me on Sat. to look after her neglected family - I dread to look forward - this being so much alone has not been good for me I know, & I hate to begin upon it again - I ought 2. to have had Mary write you - she wrote Pete who was behaving badly & howling over my silence, but I wanted to write the 'animile', myself - & when I telegraphed hoped to write that day but couldn't - You must forgive your oldFanny who will try between 'Beef tea & Caffein' to get to be good for something before long - I have much to tell you & am dying to see you - Are you ever coming on I do want you to go with me to Mary's this summer if you possibly can - You shall do just as you like there, & have rest & 'me' - What can be a greater inducement? If I knew you were to be at home long enough to be caught I wouldgo on to see you now for I am just about starved for the sight of you but I "dare presume" you are on the wing again by this time - Do write me what you are about & if you are ever coming I met Mr. Phillips in the street the other day & told him I was campaigning for Greeley. You should have seen him! "He endorsed Grant" "for why" do you suppose? "Why because at least we must have an honest man"! - I see the "honest sonsof toil" are pitching into him a little I will send you todays 'Post' - Do write. do tell me everything I am nearly bursting I have so much to say, but am tired writing even this scrawl - Doesn't Sue mean to dawn upon me? - I asked her to & will take good care of her I talked to Doct. Thomas about it but he thought it was too far for her to come but he is a "muff' & don't know - All the same I amdistressed to hear of his being sick & anxious to hear that he is better - My love to dear little 'Marmee' & all & my own darling do forgive this letter & its tired writer - who is your own loving pray pardon Fanny My darling Anna Your letter has just come - & I must have a talk with you so I am going to make you a call, tomorrow - I shall go in the train that leaves here at noon. I have just tried to telegraph, but it seems one can't telegraphto Swampscott - so I let this take its chance of reaching you before I do. Always your own faithful Fanny Tuesday P.M.Sat. What an animile! You are a nice one! A wise, consistent, logical "judicial" animile! - You force me to exclaim in the words of Theodore "give American women the ballot-box." - For - I should like to know who said anything toyou, about coming on here, to have a nice time - I didnt; - I know that! - I asked you to come to work night & day; - promising that if you would come & go to work you should be permitted to work, in peace - & I meant it - I would be as good as my word I, "a demoralizing agent" forsooth! - I like that! - Why I'm a model of every virtue - industry in 'especial' - Didn't I sew all day yesterday - & prance all night with neuralgia in consequence? What more can you ask? - Yes I repeat again I asked you to come here to work, & if you'll come I'll be a saint & let you work - It is cooler here; - & - I want to see you - you provoking, good-for- nothing, bad animile, whom I love better than the best - Relent & come Yrs. always FannyMy darling Animile Don't fret about that matter - there is no need for no human being will lay the slightest stress upon anything the wretch can say - You are a tired abused little animile & I am fit to break myheart over you - Don't make a goose of yourself & worry over such a useless piece as your old Fanny - Indeed I had no "such sorrow" - only the depression of wretched health mastered me. - visions of living forever to be ill & poor & useless & disagreeable pranced about me night & day - It makes me better to hear that I am soon to see you oh my darling, my treasure beyond price. I wish you would go to Mary's she is clamoring for me now but I want to stay heretill you come if I can unless you will come to me there - Of course I will try to go with you to the wilds of Africa if you show the bad taste to want me - so write me your plans when you know them Pete is here - I have been captured & taken like the valuable prey that I am to the Bracketts & have much to tell you - but I am only half out of bed & somebody is here fixing Charles's shirts (He sends love) & I can't write nowLove to you all & a separate heart of it for yourself my precious & believe me animile's own Fanny Home June 8. Do writeMy own little girl It is too bad - too bad that you are ill & disappointed & having such a time! I got your letter yesterday & of course I couldn't have my darling so near me - & in such a frame of mind & so "out of sorts" without going "Straight way" - to clutch her & kiss her & comfort her & tell her whatever she did or did not - that she must not & should not vex her dear heart about me! - Newport? Of course I like it - above all places but - do you suppose that I care, where I am so I have you? My littletreasure. I shall have to teach you all about how dear you are to me for I see you don't know the alphabet of it yet. I do, want you but where I have you matters little - I got one or two innocent & mild bits of finery in anticipation of Newport, that I don't need at home, nor at my sister's nor at the "Clifton" - but that is nothing that I regret - for it is so much done against the time when I shall need it in a hurry - & aside from that - your change of plans has made no difference to me - & I beg of you to believe me & erase worrying. But if you can't stay at Swampscott, or come to me, here - if - in that I am to be cheated out of seeing you entirely I shall rebel for that will make a difference & no slight one either - : Be pleased to take into consideration the unimportant fact that I love you dearly - & then draw your own conclusions as to whether it is all one to me - having you to myself for a fortnight - or not seeing you at all Your guest with mine hostess away from home!!! I like that - I have heard about a certain play in which Mr. Hamlet didn't attend to his business properly but that would "out-Hamlet" it - I'm sure - You see how it is my dear I want you . "to have & to hold" & if you find that you can stayat Swampscott & want me to go there - well & good - but if you can't stay there & must eventually go whisking off somewhere else - why I should just like to suggest that before you "go whisking" - you come here to me. You can rest here & have quiet & a good room; - just now the 'House' is about changing hands & we have a hopelessly poor table - but if you are sick I shall oblige you to death, strictly - & if you are well, I will array you & take you to 'Parkers" for one meal daily & I know I can make you comfortable some way & then - I will take such care of you - & love you so - & coax you to talk out" all the unrest & the trouble - & youll have to get well & not be "empty & good for-nothing & tired" any more - You must remember if you are all that now, that all the more do you belong to me now - I can't put in my claim with a very self-asserting voice when in answer to the world's clamor for you, you feel strong to be - & to do - & to give - & to enjoy your power; - but when you are - as you now are - then I can make a great "hue & cry" about my rights, for didn't you acknowledge the fact that, I love you greatly & comprehend you a little bit - & would a little bit of petting & loving & comprehending hurt you any just now - do you think? True - I went to Swampscott today (as I began to say pagesback) to tell you all this which I have been writing - before finishing the fact that I went - I went there & I didn't find you & I didn't like to stay on an uncertainty as I had promised to be back tonight & so I came away disappointed - & now dear - write to me - at once whether you have anything definite to say or not - write because I shall feel anxious about you, if you don't. - & do you understand about it all? - If you stay there & want me & I'll not bore you, nor bother - you are to have me just when you want me - but if you don't stay there - you are not to take yourself out of my reach till I have had you here, for a little while at least - Now be good, & don't fret about anything - you're my own precious girl & I'll let nobody plague you, & nothing vex you - if I can help it & now dear as I am very tired & you must be also with reading this good - night! Mind that you write - & love a little Your loving faithful Fanny Maverick House East Boston Wendy Evng Maverick House Sat. Mar. 3 My own little animile I don't deserve to "own" you, I know, because I have been such a wretch about writing to you - but I suppose you know that I write you when I don't write anybody else in the world & so perhaps have guessed that I have been sick a great deal of late or you would have heard from me before -For about a month I have been just "good-for-nothing" & every few days during the time - sick in my bed for a day or two - but I think I am getting better now & when I once get through a terrible siege of sore throat & influenza with which I am victimized at date, I shall do very well - I have been in spite of myself more than ordinarily depressed through this campaign or I should have rallied enough to write to you & too I have had two hateful readings on my hands that have worn & worried me much more than they were worth - The last was a South End swell affair at the Commonwealth Hotel for the French Relief Fund & I assure you I was gorgeous as you would desire. I had a new black train with a flounce & trimming and wore my beautiful gold-colored gown - & it was simply perfect. I had a hair dresser & went in for "the child of nature" style of hair-dressing "a la 2 Kate Field" & I wore my pretty bit of lace & "the cross" that has been admired by "the greatest men of the present time" & I wore lovely flowers (for I went in heavy on the "nature" business) - & was grand generally - If it is any comfort to your dear heart to know that I should have been a "dowdy" without that"gold-colored gown" & there with it I was as magnificent as a Princess please to take unto yourself that satisfaction Well, have you heard enough about me? As for Charles he hasn't been very good for in the midst of my own illness & just before I was to read he threatened me in a furious way with a fever but he did nothing but threaten thank Lord & is now about as well as he has been this winter. I wish I could see him look a little stouter & more robust but I am infinitely thankful to have him so well as he is - his N.Y. cousins who are such companions for him are here now & I am in hopes to be able to keep them for two months.or so. - To go outside of home - first there is Pete - He has been here for two little snatches but I wasn't able to go about with him a great deal. He came over to see me whenever he could & was a dear old soul as usual though James had doubtless put it into his head (having got it in his own) that I was 3 "about to be a angel & with the angels stand" - ('which the same' I hadn't any notion of doing) - & so he was rather subdued & "his smile it was pensive & childlike"; - nevertheless he was a 'sweet boon'. As for James he is - well - he is James - extreme, tragic, heroic, martyrlike as ever but I can't help loving the little wretch if I get ever so out of patience & angry with him for his unaccountable prancings & fanaticisms & then too he isn't at all well - I sometimes fear he will break down entirely - I imagine he feels the need of doing something outside the Bureau & I think he is wearing his nerves out with writing so much - As for George Fall - he was a perfect "Fallstaff" when you were here in comparison to his present dimensions - He is but "a ghost's shade" - & holds up his poor head with one little fleshless claw & writes with the other in a way positively pitiful to behold - Hathaway is the only strong pillar to the institution & he looks so like "the skeleton in armor" - The Livermore has returned from her Western triumphs & wakes the echoes there with her sonorous bass voice & the little joy still gushes & Parsons minces but on the whole it is very quiet there - By the way do you hear any gossip about Pete's orgies West? - Mrs. Livermore came back with such dire stories as have made James's scant locks to stand on end & I am 4 in mortal terror lest that awful conscience of his should inspire him to interview Pete in a way that will do much harm & no good - for though Pete loves him & is a good natured soul yet there are limits to his endurance & vulnerable places in his armor & I foresee difficulty - There do you want more gossip - There is none only that Fechter is coming Have you any objection to my giving this page to our friend. At last I have seen him! - It was day before yesterday - I couldn't bear to write you till I had seen him & since you went I have never had a glimpse till then - In the first place he is looking well better I think for he's one long breath away from here & for the change & variety of incident. He seemed sad with a sedate proud sadness but not hard- no, infinitely sweet There was a poor forlorn being in at the Bureau with a hideous photograph of some bas-relief, to sell whom every body was snubbing & he like the "pink & flower of chivalry" as he is went over to her & found something aboutit that he could endorse & sent her away comforted He waited till the Livermore & the Jay were gone & James had gone over to see George about something & then he came up to me & began at once about you He asked me a dozen questions in one - he told about being at your house - & he spoke with a deep anxiety settling down over 5 his face about the rumor that you fainted after your speech in Chicago. I had to tell him that my own anxiety on that point had never been set at rest although I had heard from you since then. I told him too that Edwin Brown had written me expressing himself so greatly troubled by the headache you had at Mr. Collyers & as decidedlysure that you were overworking - Oh my darling how is it with you now? I never have a day that isn't burdened with anxious thought about you for God alone knows how dear you are to me - & I am so sure always that you are overtaxed in many ways that I never know peace when you are away from me. It seems [?] very long ago that I stood on that platform in Springfield & looked in at the dear lovely lonely face smiling out at me from its background of piled up wraps by the car window - God keep you & bless you my darling my precious precious one Don't revenge yourself upon your poor old faithful Fanny if she has been so long silent for she hopes to be better & to do better in the future & she always always loves her animile - Charles sends love to his dear daughter Sheboygan, Wis. Sunday - May 29th My dearest girl - If I were not anxious about you, I would leave you in peace to write when you feel like it - but I have been so worried ever since I got your letter written at Logansport that I cannot rest in silence - I wrote you some days since - ten days ago I should say - &have been hoping ever since for a word or two to tell me that you did get through those last days of work without getting fairly sick - But the silence troubles & alarms me - let somebody write if you cannot - & put an end to my suspense - I thought I realized before - how strangely precious you are to me, but I learn a new lesson on the subject each day of this waiting - Oh my darling "there is none like you - no not one" - nor any other nature so rich and satisfying as yours - Every day of my life I want you - "to have and to hold" & it is hard enough to have you away from me without having to fear that you are utterly worn out & ill - so sweetheart let me hear from you someway soon - I shall be here till the last of this week - if you write at once - send here - care of - "F. N. Townsend" - next week I shall be 'floating;' in Chicago, Detroit, &c. - during that time direct care of "Mr. E. L. Brown - 226 Monroe St Chicago" & after that - "till further notice" send care of "Chas Edmunds 32 Congress St. Boston" - I am too anxious about you to write to you - but always I am yours faithfully Fanny