Elizabeth Cady Stanton SPEECHES & WRITINGS FILE Reminiscences Chapters 9-10 Reminiscences by Elizabeth Cady Stanton No IX Marriage To return to my personal trials & triumphs, my engagement was a season of doubt & conflict. doubt as to the wisdom of changing a girlhood of freedom & enjoyment. for I knew not what, & conflict, because the step I proposed, was in opposition to the wishes of all my family. Whereas heretofore friends were continually suggesting suitable 2 matches for me, & painting the marriage relation in the most dazzling colors. now that state was represented as beset with dangers & disappointments; & men of all Gods creations as the most depraved & unreliable. Hard pressed, I broke my engagement after two months of anxiety & bewilderment, but to renew it on the eve of my departure for Europe. Thursday May 10th I decided to take the fatal step, without the slightest preparations for a wedding, or a voyage 3 but Mr Stanton coming up the North river was detained on “Marcy’s overslow” the bar in the river where boats were frequently [stuck] stranded for hours. As Marcy, then governor of New York, had vetoed a bill for a large appropriation to remove it, it was called by his name. This compelled us to be married on Friday. supposed to be a most unlucky day, But as we lived together without more than the usual matrimonial friction, for nearly 4 half a century, had seven children, all still living, & have been well sheltered, clothed & fed, all alike enjoying sound minds and sound bodies, no one need be afraid of going through the marriage ceremony on Friday, for fear of bad luck. The Scotch clergyman who married us, being somewhat superstitious begged us to postpone it until Saturday, but as we were to sail early in the week, that was impossible. That priest 5 settled the next difficulty was to persuade him to leave out the word “obey,” but as I obstinately refused to promise to obey one, with whom I supposed I was entering into an equal relation, that point too was conceded. A few friends were invited to be present & in a simple white evening dress, the knot was tied. But the good priest revenged himself for the points he conceded by keeping us on the track with a long prayer & dissertation on the sacred institution, for one mortal hour. 6 The Rev Hugh Maire [He] was a little stout fellow vehement in manner & speech, & danced about the floor as he laid down the law in the most original & comical manner. As Mr. Stanton had never seen him before, the hour to him was one of constant struggle to maintain his equilibrium. I had sat under his ministrations for several years & was accustomed to his rhetoric brogue, & gestures & was able to go through the ordeal in a calmer state of mind. 7 Sister Madge had stood by me bravely through all my doubts & anxieties & went with us to New York & saw us on board the vessel. My sister Harriet & her husband Daniel C. Eaton, a wealthy merchant in New York were also there. He & I for years had had a standing game of “tag” at all our partings & he had vowed to send me “tagged” to Europe. I was equally determined he should not. Accordingly, I had a desperate chase after him all over the vessel, but in vain he had the last “tag” & escaped. As I was compelled under 8 the circumstances to conduct the pursuit with some degree of decorum, & he had the advantage of height, long arms, & freedom from skirts, I really stood no chance whatever. However, as the chase had kept us all laughing it helped to soften the bitterness of parting. Before sailing, we spent a day with Theodore Weld’s family. I had heard much of the Grimke sisters, & now to see them at their own fireside I counted a great privilege. As I have given a full description 9 of them in the "History of Woman in suffrage"' Vol I, page 392, I should only say in passing that my visit there was pleasant & profitable. As they lived simply & did there own work I saw a new phase of life under their roof, in Belleville New Jersey. Fairly at sea, I closed another chapter of my life, & my thoughts turned to what lay in the near future. James G. Birney the Antislavery nominee for the Presidency joined us in New York & was a fellow passenger on the Montreal for England. He & my husband were alike delegates to the World's Antislavery convention, 10 & alike interested themselves in my antislavery education. They gave me books to read, & as we paced the deck day by day, it was the chief theme of our conversation Mr Birney was a polished gentleman of the old school, & excessively proper & punctilious in manner & conversations, and I soon perceived that he thought I needed considerable toning down before reaching England. I was quick to see & understand that his criticisms 11 of others in a general way, & the drift of his discourses on manners & conversation, had a nearer application that he intended I should discover, though he hoped I would profit by them, I was always grateful to any one who took an interest in my improvement, so I laughingly told him one day that he need not make his criticisms any longer in that round about way, but take me squarely in hand, & polish me as speedily as possible, before the end 12 of the voyage. Sitting in the saloon at night after a game of chess, in which perchance I had been the victor, & felt complacent I would sometimes say well, "what have I done or said today open to criticism?" So in the most gracious manner he replied on one occasion: you went to mast head in a chair which I think very unladylike, still worse you rolled up a bread ball at dinner, & hit Capt Montgomery square on the nose: I heard you call your husband "Henry" in the 13 presence of strangers, which is not permissible in polite society, you should always say "Mr Stanton." You have taken three moves back in this game. Bless! me! I replied what a catalogue in one day. I fear my mentor will despair of my ultimate perfection. I should have more hope, said he, if you seemed to feel my rebukes more deeply, but you evidently think them of too little consequence, to be much disturbed over them. As he found even more fault 14 with my husband, we condoled with each other, & decided that our friend was rather hypercritical, & that we were as near perfect, as mortals need be, for the wear & tare of ordinary life. Being alike endowed with a good degree of self esteem, neither the praise nor the blame of mankind were overpowering. As the voyage lasted eighteen days, for we were in an old fashioned sailing vessel, we had time to make some improvement or at least to consider all friendly suggestions. 15 However as we travelled with Mr. Birney for nine months in England Scotland Ireland & France & had the advantage of his strict ideas of etiquette at every turn, we really were improved in many minor points of manner we had considered unimportant. Mr Birney often quoted Chesterfield's remark. Being asked the secret of success in life, he replied, "it depends more than any one thing. on manner, manner, manner," Hence I conjure all my young readers to cultivate polite 16 affable manners. At this time, Mr Birney was very much in love with Miss Fitzhugh of Geneseo, to whom he was afterwards married. He suffered at times great depression of spirits but I could always rouse him to a sunny mood by introducing her name. That was a theme of which he never grew weary & while praising her, a halo of glory was to him visible round my head, & I was faultless for the time being. There was nothing in our fellow passengers to break the monotony of the voyage, 17 They were all stolid middle class English people, returning from various parts of the world, to visit their native land. A Mrs Noseworthy; from Zanzibar on the coast of Africa; afforded us some amusement, with her vulgar oddities. She talked incessantly about her private affairs, always speaking of her husband as "Noseworthy" who had failed in all his life projects & was now hiding his mortification, in a far off nook on Africa's sandy shore. In fact all the men & women on board were of a common type, as the use of their national "H" in the wrong place clearly proved them to be. When out of their hearing Mr. Birney used to ridicule these people without mercy. So one day by way of making a point on him, I said with great solemnity, is it good breeding to make fun of the foibles of our fellow men, who have not had the advantage of the culture or education we have? He [blushed &] felt the rebuke & blushed, & never again returned to that subject. I am sorry to say I was ghast to find him once [at] in fault Through some amusement 19 in whatever extraordinary way I could obtain it, was necessary to my existence, yet as it was deemed unimportant that I should thoroughly understand the status of the antislavery movement in my own country, I spent most of my time reading and talking on that question. Being the wife of a delegate to the World's Convention, we all felt it important that I should be able to answer whatever questions I might be asked in England in all phases of the slavery question, from its political, religious, commercial & social 20 standpoint. The Captain was a jolly fellow, & was always ready to second me in all my desired explorations into every nook & cranny of the vessel. He imagined that my reading was distasteful & enforced by the elder gentleman, so he was continually planning some diversion & often invited me to sit on the bridge with him & listen to his experiences of a sailor's life. While the fact was I enjoyed equally the amusements offered, & Lysander Spooner's constitutional arguments, on the illegality of slavery. 21 & uniformly returned to my reading with more zeal after a frolic with the Captain. As I was the only young person on board I sat on the Captain's right at dinner & received a larger share of his attention. But as all things must end in this mortal life, our voyage was near its termination, when we were becalmed on the Southern coast of England, & could not more than one knot an hour. When within sight of the distant shore a pilot boat came along, & offered to take any one 22 ashore in six hours. I was so delighted at the thought of seeing land, that after much persuasion, Mr Stanton & Mr Birney consented to go. Accordingly we were lowered into the boat in an, arm chair, with a luncheon consisting of a cold chicken, a bottle of wine, bread & butter, & a few pickles. Thus provisioned we started, with just wind enough, for that light craft, in the direction we were going. But instead of six hours we were all day & as the twilight deepened, & the last breeze died away 23 The pilot said, “we are now only two miles from shore but the only way you can reach there to night is by a row boat. As we had no provisions left & no where to sleep, we were glad to avail ourselves of the row boat. It was a bright moonlight night, the air balmy, the waters smooth, & with two good stout oarsmen we glided swiftly along. As Mr. Birney made the last descent, & seated himself, doubtful as to our ever realizing the shore, turning to me he said, “the woman 24 tempted me & I did leave the good ship." However we did reach the shore at midnight, & landed at Torquay, one of the loveliest spots in [England] that country & our journey to Exeter the next day, lay through the most beautiful scenery in England. As we had no luggage with us, our detention by custom officers was brief, & we were soon conducted to a comfortable little Hotel, which we found in the morning 25 was a bower of roses. I have never imagined anything so beautiful as the drive up to Exeter on the top of a coach with four stout horses, trotting at the rate of ten miles an hour. It was the first day of June, & the country was in all its glory. The foliage was of the softest [verdure] green, trees covered with blossoms, & shrubs with flowers. Stone cottages hidden with very solid hedges on all sides, seemingly with enough for four persons to walk abreast 26 on the top. The roads were perfect, the large fine looking coachman with his white gloves & reins, his rosy face & lofty bearing, the postman in red blowing his horn as we passed through every village, made the drive altogether seem more like a dream in some fairy land, than a real journey in this working world. We had heard England was like a garden of flowers, but we were wholly unprepared for such wealth of beauty. 27. In Exeter we had our first view of one of the grand cathedrals in the old world, & we were all alike deeply impressed with its grandeur. It was just at the twilight hour when the last rays of the setting sun, streaming through the stained glass windows, [& threw a mysterious] [amber light] deepened the shadows & threw a mysterious amber light over all. As the choir were practising the whole effect was heightened by the deep toned organ swelling through the arched roof, & the sighing of human voices as if vainly trying to 28 to fill the vast space above. The novelty & solemnity of the occasion, roused all our religious emotions & thrilled every nerve in our being. As if moved alike by the same impulse to linger there, awhile, we all sat down, silently waiting a long time for something to break the spell, that bound us there. No wonder at the power of the Catholic religion for centuries, with such accessories to stimulate the imagination, to a blind worship of the unknown. The next 29. Sitting in the hotel that evening, & wanting something to read we asked the waiter for some of the daily papers. As there was no public table or drawing room for guests, but each party had their own apartments alone. We needed a little change from the society of each other. Having been as it were shut up from the outside world for eighteen days, we had some curiosity to see, whether our planet was still revolving from east to west. At the mention of papers in the plural number, the attendant gave us a look of surprize, & said he would get it 30 He returned saying that the gentleman in No. 4 had it, but he would be through in fifteen minutes. Accordingly at the end of that time he brought it, & after we had had it the same length of time he came again to take it to another party. We asked if they had any books. He left for a key, & from a white closet near the chimney, he took out an old time worn volumn, a description of Exeter Cathedral, which he requested us to return to its hiding place, as soon as we were through with it 31 At the boarding house in London, a paper was left for half an hour each morning, & then it was taken to the next house thus serving several families of readers. It seemed strange to us, a nation of readers, where books & papers were plenty, the poorest laborer having his daily paper, to see but one [paper] so carefully circulated & one old book in a large Hotel under lock & key. The next day brought us to London. Although I have read innumerable descriptions of that wonderful 32 city with its clouds, its mists & fogs, yet I expected to be dazzled & surprized with its vastness & grandeur, at every turn, which I was not. Its vastness one cannot learn at a glance, & some of its finest buildings cannot be taken in from any one standpoint. As is the case with St Pauls Cathedral. My first impression was one of disappointment. It seemed a dark gloomy Babel, narrow crooked streets, architecture particularly of private houses very plain, & all black with time & smoke. When I entered Mother Moore's 33 boarding house in Queen Street, it struck me as the dreariest human abode I had ever seen. Though London has the reputation of being the cleanest city in the world. The prevalence of cloudy weather gives it quite the opposite appearance. However, the arrival of a delegation of ladies the next day, from Boston & Philadelphia, changed the atmosphere of the establishment, & filled me with delightful anticipation & of some new & charming acquaintances, which I fully realized in meeting Miss Emily Winslow, Abby Southwick Elizabeth Neal, Mary Grew Abby 33 1/2 Kimber, Sarah Pugh & Lucretia Mott. As there had been a split in the Antislavery ranks, delegates came from both branches, & as they were equally represented at our lodgings, I became familiar with the whole controversy. As the potent element in the division was the woman question & as the Garrisonian branch maintained their right to speak & vote in the conventions, all my sympathies gravitated at once to that association, while Mr Stanton & Mr Birney belonged to the other wing called political 34. abolitionists. To me there was no question so momentous and important as the emancipation of woman, from the old theories & dogmas of the past, political, religious & social. It struck me as very remarkable, that any abolitionists who saw so clearly, & felt so keenly the wrongs of the slave, should be so oblivious to the equal wrongs of their own mothers, wives, & sisters, when according to the common law both classes occupied a similar legal status & political position. 35. In closing this chapter the thought just comes to my mind, that it is forty nine years ago this very day, June 1st 1889, that I awoke in Torquay, climbed on top of the English coach, took that charming drive & lingered at sunset in that beautiful cathedral. To day I sit in Hempstead Long Island, in health & comfort, describing the events of those early days, but where are my companions on that voyage, & the many other loved ones whose names I have mentioned? passing I hope though still more enchanting scenes, though hidden from mortal view. Reminiscences by Elizabeth Cady Stanton No X England 1840. Our chief object in visiting England at this time was to attend the World's Antislavery convention to convene June 12th in Freemason's Hall, London. Although delegates from all the antislavery societies of civilized nations, were invited, yet when the 2 delegates arrived, [all] those representing associations of women, were rejected, & still worse, as women were members of the National society, accustomed to speak & vote in all their conventions & had taken an equally active part with men, in the whole antislavery struggle, & were there as delegates, from associations of men & women, as well as those distinctively of their own sex, yet all alike were rejected, because they were women. 3. Women according to English prejudiced at that time, [being] were excluded by scriptural texts, & divine decrees, from sharing equal dignity & authority with men, in all reform associations, hence it was to their minds preeminently unfitting that [women] they should be admitted, as equal members to a World's convention. The question was hotly debated through one entire day. The arguments pro & con, 4. all given in the History of Woman Suffrage, Vol I Chap. III, are equally amusing & insulting. When we consider that [such women as] Lady Byron, Anna Jameson, Mary Howitt, Mrs. Hugo Reid, Elizabeth Fry, Amelia Opie, Ama Green Phillips, Lucretia Mott & many remarkable women, who were speakers & leaders in the Society of Friends, were all 5 compelled to listen in silence, to the masculine platitudes on woman's sphere, one may form some idea of the general feeling of indignation, among [the] unprejudiced friends [of] [woman &] especially among such women as Lydia Maria Child, Maria Chapman Deborah Weston Angelina & Sarah Grimke Abby Kelley, who were impatiently waiting & watching on this side, in painful suspense, to hear how their delegates were received 6 Judging from my own feelings, the women on both sides of the Atlantic, must have [felt] been humiliated & chagrined, except as these feelings were outweighed by contempt for the[ir] shallow reasoning of their opponents & their comical pose & gestures in some of the[ir] intensely earnest flights of their imagination. The clerical portion of the convention were most violent in their opposition. They seemed to have God & his angels especially in their care & keeping,& were in agony lest the women should do, or say something 7 to shock the heavenly hosts. Their all sustaining conceit gave them abundant assurance that their movements must necessarily be well pleasing to the celestials, whose ears were often to the proceedings of the World's Convention. Deborah Huldah Vashti & Esther might have questioned the propriety of calling it a World's Convention, when only one half of humanity were represented there, but what were their opinions worth when compared with the Rev A. Harvey, the Rev C. Stout, or the Rev J. Burnet who Bible in hand, argued women's subjection, divinely decreed 8 When Eve was created. One of our champions in the convention, George Bradburn, a tall thick set man, with a voice of thunder, standing head & shoulders above the clerical representatives, swept all their arguments aside by declaring with tremendous emphasis, that if they could prove to him that the Bible taught the entire subjection of half the race to the other, he should consider it the best thing [for the race if] he could for humanity would be to 9 gather together every bible in the universe, & make a grand bonfire of the whole of them. It was really pitiful to hear these narrow minded bigots, pretending to be teachers & leaders of men, so crully remanding their own mothers, with the rest of womankind, to absolute subjection to the ordinary masculine type of humanity I always regretted that the women themselves had not taken part in the debate, before the convention was fully 10 organized & the question of delegates settled. It seemed to me then, & does now, that all delegates with credentials from [legally] [organized] recognized societies, should have had a voice in the organization of the convention though subject to exclusion afterwards. However the women sat in a low curtained seat like a church choir & modestly listened to the French British & American Solons for twelve of the longest days in June, as did our grand Garrison & Rogers also in the gallery. 11 who scorned to sit in a convention, that ignored the rights of women, who had fought side by side with them in the antislavery conflict. After battling so many long years, said Garrison, for the liberties of African slaves, I can take no part in a convention that strikes down the most sacred rights of all women After coming three thousand miles to speak on the subject nearest his heart he nobly shared the enforced silence of the [women] rejected delegates. It was a great act of self [denial] sacrifice that should 12 never be forgotten by women Thomas Clarkson, was chosen President of the Convention, & made a few remarks in opening, but he soon retired as his age & many infirmities made all public occasions too burdensome, so Joseph Sturge a Quaker was made chairman. Sitting next to Mrs Mott, I said as there is a Quaker in the chair now, what could he do, suppose the spirit should move you to speak. Ah, she replied, evidently not believing such Accidental duplication of page 25. Can this be removed? 13 a contingency possible, "where the spirit of the Lord is, there is liberty." She had not much faith in the sincerity of abolitionists who while eloquently defending the natural rights of slaves, denied the freedom of speech to one half the people of their own nationality. Such was the consistency of an assemblage of philanthropists. They would have been horrified at the idea of burning the flesh of the distinguished women present, with red hot irons, but the crucifixion of their 14 pride & self respect, the humiliation of the spirit seemed to them a most trifling matter. However the action of this convention was the topic of discussion in public & private, for a long time, & stung many women with new thought & action, & gave rise to the movement for women's political equality, both in England & the United States. As the convention adjourned, the remark was made on all sides, "it is high time some demand was made for new liberties 15 to woman. As Mrs Mott & I walked home, arm in arm, commenting on the incidents of the day, we resolved to hold a convention as soon as we returned home, & form a society to advocate the rights of women. At the lodging house in Queen street where a large number of delegates had apartments, the discussions were heated at every meal, & at times so bitter, that at last Mr Birney packed his valise & sought more peaceful quarters. 16 Having strongly opposed the admission of women as delegates to the convention, it was rather embarrassing to meet them in person during the intervals of the various sessions at the table & in the drawing room These were the first ladies I ever met who believed in the equality of the sexes & who did not believe in the popular orthodox religion 16 1/2 The acquaintance of Lucretia Mott, [in particular], who was a broad liberal thinker on politics, religion, & all questions of reform, opened to me a new world of thought. As we walked about to see the sights of London, I embraced every opportunity to talk with her. It was intensely gratifying to hear all that through years of doubt I had dimly thought, so freely talked by other women, & some no older than myself: women too of rare intelligence, cultivation & refinement. Six weeks under the same roof 17 with Lucretia Mott, talking from day to day on all the questions of the hour, who conversation was uniformly on a high plane of thought, I felt I knew her too well, to sympathize with the orthodox Friends who denounced her, as a dangerous woman, because she doubted certain dogmas they fully believed. As Mr Birney & my husband were invited to speak all over England, Scotland, & Ireland, & we were uniformly entertained by orthodox Friends, I had 18 abundant opportunity to know the general feeling among them towards Lucretia Mott. Even Elizabeth Fry, seemed quite unwilling to breathe the same atmosphere. During the six weeks after the convention that many of us remained in London, we were invited to a succession of public & private breakfasts, dinners, & teas, on these occasions it was amusing to watch Mrs Fry's sedulous efforts to keep Mrs Mott at a distance. If Mrs Mott was on the lawn, Mrs Fry would go into the house. If Mrs Mott was in the house Mrs Fry would stay out on the lawn. One 19 evening when we were all crowded into two parlors, & there was no escape, the word went round that Mrs Fry felt moved to pray with the American delegates, whereupon a profound silence reigned. After a few moments Mrs Fry's voice was heard deploring the schism among the American Friends; [&] that so many had been led astray by false doctrines; urging the spirit of all Good, to show them the error of their way, & gather them once more, into the fold of the great Shepherd of our faith. The prayer 20 was so pointedly directed to [Lucretia Mott] [&] the followers of Elias Hicks & Lucretia Mott in particular, that I whispered to Lucretia at the close, that she should now pray for Mrs Fry, that her eyes might be opened to her bigotry & charitableness, & be led by the spirit into higher light. Oh no,' [said] she replied, a prayer of this character, under the circumstances, is an unfair advantage to take of a stranger, but I would not resent it in the house 21 of her friends, though that might be less embarrassing them on American soil surrounded by my friends. In these gatherings we met the leading Quaker families & many other philanthropists of different denominations, interested in the Antislavery Movement. On all these occasions our noble Garrison spoke most effectively, & thus our English friends had an opportunity of enjoying his eloquence, which had been so grave a loss in the convention. 22 We devoted a month sedulously to sight-seeing in London, & in the line of the travelers duty we explored St Pauls Cathedral the British Museum, the Tower, various prisons, hospitals, galleries of art [the palaces of] Windsor & St James Palaces. The zoological gardens, the school & colleges, the chief theaters & churches Westminster Abbey, the Houses of Parliament, the Courts. We heard the most 23 famous preachers, actors, & statesmen. In fact we went to the top & bottom of everything, from the dome of St Paul, to the tunnel under the Thames, just then in the process of [digging] excavation. We drove through the parks, sailed up & down the Thames, & then visited every shire but four in [the kingdom] England, in all of which we had large meetings [as] Mr Birney & Mr Stanton 24 being the chief speakers as we were generally invited to stay with "Friends," it gave us a good opportunity to see the leading families, such as the Ashursts, the Alexanders, the Braithwaits & [Buckneys] Buxtons, the Gurneys the Priestmans, the Pease, the Wighams of Edinboro, & the Webbs of Dublin. We spent a few days with John Joseph Gurney at his beautiful home in Norwich. He 25 had just returned from America, having made a tour through the South. When asked how he liked America, he said I liked everything but your pie crust & your slavery. He referred to the soggy under crust so many of our cooks persist in making. The English never have an under crust to their pies. They put the fruit in a deep dish, 26 & simply have a nice light crust over it. If there is a woman or man either that know how to make a crisp undercrust, & bake it well done, let them produce [one] a perfect American pie, but if they do not, pray let us have done with our natural raw, soaked, undercrust, of dough. This one thing had made half our men dyspeptic for pie they will eat good bad, or indifferent. 27 [Every] All travelers can testify to seeming some son of Adam at every depot running for the cars with a great piece of pie in hand. To subject itself under such circumstances the crust must be as tough as sole leather. Yet the prospective Presidents of this great republic all it & will to the end. Before leaving London the whole American delegation about forty in number were invited to dine with Samuel Gurney. He 28 & his brother John Joseph Gurney were at that time leading bankers in London. Some one facetiously remarked that the Jews were the great bankers in London until the Quakers crowded them out. One of the most striking women I met in England at this time was Miss Elizabeth Pease I never saw a more strongly marked face on any woman. Meeting her forty years after 29 on the platform of a great meeting in the Town Hall at Glasgow, I knew her at once. She is now Mrs Nichol of Edinboro, & though on the shady side of eighty is still active in all the reforms of the day. [(Samuel Gurney's dinner] [in my next chapter)] The reader shall have Samuel Gurney's dinner in the next chapter. Add to No X [Reminiscences XI by Elizabeth Cady Stanton No XI England & France] English Homes It surprized us very much at first in driving into the grounds of some of these beautiful Quaker homes, to have the great bell rung at the lodge, & to see the number of liveried servants on the porch, & in the halls, & then to meet the host in plain garb, & to be welcomed 2 in plain language, "How does thee do Henry" how does thee do Elizabeth." This sounded peculiarly sweet to me, a stranger in a strange land. The wealthy English Quakers we visited at that time, taking them all in all, were the most charming people I had ever seen. They were refined &intelligent on all subjects, & though rather conservative on some points, were not aggressive in pressing their opinions on others. Their hospitality was charming & generous, their homes 3. the beau ideal of comfort & order, the cuisine faultless, while peace reigned over all. The quiet gentle manners & the soft tones in speaking the mysterious quiet in their well ordered [Quaker] homes, was like the atmosphere one finds in the modern convent [life]. Where the ordinary duties of the day seem[ed] to be accomplished by some magical influence, the machinery is so skillfully concealed, & the friction if there is any so carefully subdued. 4. Before leaving London, we spent a delightful day in June at the home of Samuel Gurney, surrounded by a fine park with 600 deer roaming about, always a beautiful feature in the English landscape. As the Duchess of Sutherland & Lord Morpeth had expressed a wish to Mrs Fry to meet some of the leading American abolitionists it was arranged, that they should call at her brothers residence on this occasion, accordingly 5 soon after we arrived the Du[t]chess with her brother Mr. Fry, her state carriage, six horses, & out riders drove us to the door. Mr. Gurney was evidently embarrassed, at the prospect of a Lord & Duchess under his roof However, leaning on the arm of Mrs Fry, the Duchess was formally introduced to us individually & collectively. Mrs. Mott conversed with the distinguished guests with the same fluency & composure as with her 6 own countrywomen. However anxious the English people were as to what they should say & do, the Americans were all quite at their ease. As Lord Morpeth had some interesting letters from the Island of Jamaica to read to us, we formed a circle on the lawn to listen. England had just paid 20,000 pounds to emancipate the Island, & we were all interested in hearing the result of the experiment. Our 7 distinguished guests in turn, had many questions to ask in regard to American slavery. We found none of that prejudice against color in England, so inveterate among the American people. The first dinner I ate in England, I found myself beside a gentleman from Jamaica, as black as the ace of spades. The Duchess asked many amusing & puzzling questions about the contradictory manifestations of this prejudice, declared to be natural in our country. After the close of the 8 of the discussion on the question of slavery, as the Rev Henry Green had not been presented to Lord Morpeth, his daughter taking his arm, [&] walked forward & introduced him to the Lord & Duchess with as much coolness as she would have introduce two of her neighbors at home. In fact her manner seemed to indicate that it was a great honor for them to be presented to her father 9 a daughter of Mr Buxton standing by my side said "What are your American girls made of, not a girl in all England could have gone through that ceremony with such coolness & dignity." Ah! said I, you must remember that in our country we are all of the blood royal, we are all heirs apparent to the throne. That sounded very well on my part for the dignity of the republic, but alas! men 9 1/2 are heirs apparent in this country, to all the rights privileges & immunities of citizenship. After the departure of the Duchess, dinner was announced. It was a sumptuous meal, most tastefully served, half a dozen wine glasses at every plate, ready for many varieties of the precious juice of the grape but [alas] abolitionists in those days were all converts to temperance, & as the bottles went round, there was a 10 a general headshaking & the right hands extended over the glasses. Our English friends were amazed that none of us drank wine. Mr. Gurney said, he had never before seen such a sight, as forty ladies & gentlemen sitting down to dinner & none of them tasting wine. In talking with him on that point, he said "I supposed your nursing mothers drink beer." I laughed & said Oh! no, we should be afraid of befuzzing the brains of 11 our children. No danger of that said he, we are all bright enough, & yet a cask of beer is rolled into the cellar, for the mother, with each new born child. Col. Miller from Germany, one of our American delegation, was in the Greek war with Lord Byron. As Lady Byron had expressed a wish to see him, that his daughter might know something of her father's last days, an interview was arranged & the Col. kindly invited me to accompany him. 12 His account of their acquaintance & the many noble traits of character Lord Byron manifested, his generous influence & [many] acts of self sacrifice seemed particularly gratifying to the daughter. It was a sad interview invited chiefly for the daughter's satisfaction, though Lady Byron listened with a painful interest. As the Col was a warm admirer of the great poet, he no doubt represented him in the best possible light, & his narrative of his last days 13 was deeply interesting. Lady Byron had a quiet reserved manner, a sad face, & a low plaintive voice, like one who had known deep sorrow. I had seen her several times in the convention & at several social teas, & been personally presented to her before this occasion. Altogether I thought her a sweet attractive looking woman She asked the Col many questions in regard to Greece's affairs & seemed deeply interested in all he had to say. We had a pleasant interview with Lord Brougham also 14 The Philadelphia antislavery society sent him an elaborately carved inkstand made from the wood of Pennsylvania Hall, which was destroyed by the mob. For a full description of this event, see History of Woman Suffrage, Vol. 1, page 337. Mr. Birney made a most graceful speech in presenting the memento & Lord Brougham was equally happy in receiving it. One of the most notable characters we met at this time was Daniel O'Connell. 15 He made his first appearance in the London convention, a few days after the women were rejected. He paid a beautiful tribute to woman, & said if he had been present when the question was under discussion, he should have spoken & voted for their admission. He was a tall well developed magnificent looking man & probably one of the most effective speakers Ireland ever produced. I saw him at a great India meeting in Exeter Hall, where some of the best orators from 16 France, America, & England were present. There were six nations from India on [present] the platform, who, not understanding anything that was said, naturally remained listless throughout the proceedings. But the moment O'Connell began to speak, they were all attention, bending forward, they closely watched every movement. One could almost tell what he said, from the play of his expressive features, his wonderful gestures, & the pose of his whole body. 17 When he finished, the natives joined in the general applause. He had all Wendell Phillips power of sarcasm & denunciation, & added to that, the most tender pathos. He could make his audience laugh or cry at pleasure. It was a rare treat to see him draped in "repeal cloth" in one of his repeal meetings. We were in Dublin in the midst of that excitement, when the hopes for new liberties, by that oppressed people; all centered on O'Connell 18. The enthusiasm of the people for the Repeal of the Union was then at white heat. Driving one day with the "Great Liberator" as he was called [one day] I asked him if he hoped to accomplish that measure. "No" said he " but it is always good policy to claim the uttermost & then you will be sure to get something." Could he have looked forward forty years, & have seen the present condition of his unhappy country, he would have known, that English greed & selfishness, could defeat any policy, however wise & far seeing. 19. We visited Wordsworth's home at Grassmere among the beautiful lakes, but he was not there. However we saw his surroundings, the landscape that inspired some of his poetical dreams, & the dense rows of hollyhocks of every shade & [collor] color leading from his porch to the gate. The gardener told us that this was his favorite flower. Though it has no special beauty in itself, taken alone, yet the wonderful combination of royal colors, was indeed striking & beautiful. We saw Harriet Martineau at 20 her country as well as her city home. As we were obliged to [talk to] converse with her through an ear trumpet, we left her to do [the] most of the talking. She gave us many amusing experiences of her travels in America & her comments on the London convention were rich & racy. She was not an attractive woman, in either manners or appearance, though considered great & good by all who knew her. We spent a few days with Thomas Clarkson in Ipswich. He lived in a very old house with long rambling corridors, a moat & a drawbridge 21 He had just written an article against the colonization scheme, which his wife read aloud to us. He was so absorbed in the subject that he forgot the article was written by himself & kept up a running applause with "hear" "hear" the English mode of expressing approbation. He told us of the severe struggles he & Wilberforce had gone through in rousing the public sentiment of England to the demand for emancipation in Jamaica. But their trials were mild compared with what Garrison & his coadjutors had Reminiscences Elizabeth Cady Stanton No IX Marriage To return to my personal trials and triumphs, my engagement was a season of doubt and conflict, doubt as to the wisdom of changing a girlhood of freedom and enjoyment for I knew not what, and conflict because the step I proposed was in opposition to the wishes of all my family. Whereas heretofore friends were continually suggesting suitable matches for me, and painting the marriage relation in the most dazzling colors, now that state was represented as beset with dangers and disappointments, and men of all Gods creatures as the most depraved and unreliable. Hard [????ed], I broke my engagement after two months of anxiety and bewilderment, but to renew it on the eve of my departure for Europe. Thursday May 10th I decided to take the fatal step, without the slightest preparation for a wedding, or a voyage 3 but Mr Stanton coming up the North river was detained in "Marcys overslow" a bar in the river where boats were frequently [stuck] stranded for hours. As Marcy, then governor of New York had vetoed a bill for a large appropriation to remove it, it was called by his name. This compelled us to be married on Friday, supposed to be a most unlucky day. But as we lived together without more than the usual matrimonial friction, for nearly 4 half a century, had seven children, all still living, and have been well sheltered, clothed and fed, all alike enjoying sound minds in sound bodies, no one need be afraid of going through the marriage ceremony on Friday, for fear of bad luck. The Scotch clergyman who married us, being somewhat superstitious, begged us to postpone it until Saturday, but as we were to sail early in the week that was impossible. That first 5 settled The next difficulty was to pursuade him to leave out the word "obey," but as I obstinately refused to promise to obey one with whom I supposed I was entering into an equal relation, that point too was conceded. A few friends were invited to be present. & in a simple white evening dress, the knot was tied. But the good Priest revenged himself for the points he conceded by keeping us on the rack, with a long prayer, & dissertation on the sacred institution, for one mortal hour. 6. [He] The Rev Hugh Maire was a little stout fellow vehement in manner & speech, & danced about the floor as he laid down the law in the most original & comical manner. As Mr Stanton had never seen him before, the hour to him was one of constant struggle, to maintain his equilibrium. I had sat under his ministrations for several years, & was accustomed to his rhetoric brogue & gestures & thus was able to go through the ordeal in a calmer state of mind. 7 Sister Madge had stood by me bravely through all my doubts & anxieties, & went with us to New York & saw us on board the vessel. My sister Harriet and her husband Daniel C. Eaton, a wealthy merchant in New York, were also there. He & I for years had had a standing game of "tag" at all our partings, & he had vowed to send me "tagged" to Europe. I was equally determined he should not Accordingly, I had a desperate chase after him all over the vessel, but in vain, he had the last "tag" & escaped. As I was compelled under 8 the circumstances, to conduct the pursuit with some degree of decorum, & he had the advantage of height, long arms, & freedom from skirts, I really stood no chance whatever. However, as the chase had kept us all laughing, it helped to [lessen] soften the bitterness of parting. Before sailing, we spent a day with Theodore Weld's family. I had heard much of the Grimke sisters, & now to see them at their own fireside I counted a great privilege. As I have given a full description 9 of them in the "History of Woman suffrage", Vol I. page 392, I shall only say in passing that my visit there was pleasant & profitable. As they lived simply & did their own work I saw a new phase of life under their roof in Belleville New Jersey. Fairly at sea, I closed another chapter of my life, & my thoughts turned to what lay in the near future. James G. Birney the Antislavery nominee for the Presidency joined us in New York, & was a fellow passenger on the Montreal for England. He & my husband were alike delegates, to the World's Antislavery convention, 10. & alike interested themselves in my Antislavery education. They gave me books to read, & as we paced the deck day by day, it was the chief theme of our conversation Mr Birney was a polished gentleman of the old school, & excessively proper & punctilious in manner & conversations, & I soon perceived that he thought I needed considerable toning down before reaching England. I was quick to see & understand that his criticisms 11 of others in a general way, & the drift of his discourses on manners & conversation had a nearer application than he intended I should discover, though he hoped I would profit by them. I was always grateful to any one who took an interest in my improvement, so I laughingly told him one day that he need not make his criticisms any longer in that round about way, but take me squarely in hand, & polish me up as speedily as possible, before the end 12 of the voyage. Sitting in the saloon at night after a game of chess in which perchance I had been the victor, & felt complacent I would sometimes say well, "what have I done or said to day open to criticism?" So in the most gracious manner he replied on one occasion "you went to mast head in a chair which I think very unlady like; still more you rolled up a bread ball at dinner, & hit Capt Montgomery square on the nose; I heard you call your husband "Henry" in the 13 presence of strangers which is not permissible in polite society, you should always say "Mr Stanton." You have taken three moves back in this game. Bless! me! I replied what a catalogue in one day. I fear my mentor will despair of my ultimate perfection. I should have more hope, said he, if you seemed to feel my rebukes more deeply, but you evidently think them of so little consequence, to be much disturbed over them. As he found even more fault 14 with my husband, we condoled with each other, & decided that our friend was rather hypercritical, & that we were as near perfect as mortals need be, for the wear & tare of ordinary life. Being alike endowed with a good degree of self esteem neither the praise nor the blame of mankind were overpowering. As the voyage lasted eighteen days, for we were in an old fashioned sailing vessel, we had time to make some improvement, or at least to consider all friendly suggestions. However as we travelled with Mr Birney for nine months in England Scotland Ireland & France & had the advantage of his strict ideas of etiquette at every turn. We really were improved, in many minor points of manner we had considered unimportant. Mr Birney often quoted Chesterfield's remark. Being asked the secret of success in life, he replied, "It depends, more than [on] any one thing, on manner, manner, manner." Hence I conjure all my young readers to cultivate polite 16 affable manners. At this time, Mr Birney was very much in love with Miss Fitzhugh of Gennesseo, to whom he was afterwards married. He suffered at times great depression of spirits but I could always rouse him to a sunny mood by introducing her name. That was a theme of which he never grew weary, & while praising her, a halo of glory was to him visible around my head, & I was faultless for the time being. There was nothing in our fellow passengers to break the monotony of the voyage. 17 They were all stolid middle class English people, returning from various parts of the world, to visit their native land. A Mrs Noseworthy; from Zanzibar on the coast of Africa; afforded us some amusement with her vulgar oddities. She talked incessantly about her private affairs, always speaking of her husband as "Noseworthy" who had failed in all his life projects & and was now hiding his mortification in a far off nook on Africa's sandy shore. In fact all the men 18 & women on board were of a common type, as the use of their national "H" in the wrong place clearly proved them to be. When out of their hearing, Mr Birney used to ridicule these people without mercy. So one day by way of making a point on him, I said with great solemnity, is it good breeding to make fun of the foibles of our fellow men, who have not had the advantage[s] of the culture & education we have? He [blushed &] felt the rebuke & blushed, & never again returned to that subject. I am sorry to say I was glad to find him once in fault Though some amusement 19 in whatever extraordinary way I could obtain it, was necessary to my existence, yet as it was deemed important, that I should thoroughly understand the status of the antislavery movement in my own country, I spent most of my time reading & talking on that question. Being the wife of a delegate to the World's convention, we all felt it important that I should be able to answer whatever questions I might be asked in England on all phases of the slavery question, from its political, religious, commercial & social 20 standpoint. The Captain was a jolly fellow, & was always ready to second me in all my desired explorations, into every nook & cranny of the vessel. He imagined that my reading was distasteful & enforced by the elder gentleman, so he was continually planning some diversion, & often invited me to sit in the bridge with him, & listen to his experience of a sailors life. While the fact was I enjoyed equally the amusements offered, & Lysander Spooner's constitutional arguments, on the illegality of slavery. 21 & uniformly returned to my reading with more zest after a frolic with the Captain. As I was the only young person on board I sat on the Captain's right at dinner & received a larger share of his attention. But as all things must end in this mortal life our voyage was near its termination, when we were becalmed on the southern coast of England & could not more than one knot an hour. When within sight of the distant shore a pilot-boat came along, & offered to take any one 22 ashore in six hours, I was so delighted at the thought of seeing land, that after much persuasion, Mr. Stanton & Mr. Birney consented to go. Accordingly we were lowered into the boat in an arm chair, with a luncheon consisting of a cold chicken, a bottle of wine, bread & butter, & a few pickles. Thus provisioned we started, with just wind enough for that light craft, in the direction we were going. But instead of six hours we were all day & as the twilight deepened & the last breeze[s] died away 23 the pilot said. "we are now only two miles from shore, but the only way you can reach there to night is by a row boat. As we had no provisions left & no where to sleep, we were glad to avail ourselves of the row boat. It was a bright moonlight night, the air balmy, the waters smooth, & with two good stout oarsmen we glided swiftly along. As Mr. Birney made the last descent, & seated himself, doubtful as to our ever reaching the shore, turning to me he said, "the woman 24 tempted me & I did leave the good ship" However we did reach the shore at midnight, & landed at Torquay, one of the loveliest spots in that country [England] & our journey to Exeter the next day, lay through the most beautiful scenery in England. As we had no luggage with us, our detention by custom officers was brief, & we were soon conducted to a comfortable little Hotel, which we found in the morning 25 was a bower of roses. I have never imagined anything so beautiful as the drive up to Exeter, on the top of a coach, with four stout horses, trotting at the rate of ten miles an hour. It was the first day of June, & the country was in all its glory. The foliage was of the softest [verdure] green, trees covered with blossoms, & shrubs with flowers. Stone cottages hidden with ivy, solid hedges on all sides, seemingly wide enough for four persons to walk abreast 26 on the top. The roads were perfect, the large fine looking coachman with his white gloves & reins, his rosy face & lofty bearing, the postman in red blowing his horn as we passed through every village, made the drive altogether seem more like a dream in some fairy land, than a real journey in this working world. We had heard England was like a garden of flowers but we were wholly unprepared for such wealth of beauty. 27. In Exeter we had our first view of one of the grand cathedrals in the old world, & we were all alike deeply impressed with its grandeur. It was just at the twilight hour when the last rays of the setting sun, streaming through the stained glass windows, [& threw a mysterious] [amber light] deepened the shadows & threw a mysterious amber light over all. As the choir were practising the whole effect was heightened by the deep toned organ swelling through the arched roof, & the sighing of human voices as if vainly trying to 28 to fill the vast space above. The novelty & solemnity of the occasion, roused all our religious emotions & thrilled every nerve in our being. As if moved alike by the same impulse to linger there, awhile, we all sat down, silently waiting a long time for something to break the spell, that bound us there. No wonder at the power of the Catholic religion for centuries, with such accessories to stimulate the imagination, to a blind worship of the unknown. The next 29 Sitting in the hotel that evening, & wanting something to read we asked the water for some of the daily papers. As there was no public table or drawing room for guests, but each party had their own apartment alone. We needed a little change from the society from each other. Having been as it were shut up from the outside world for eighteen days, we had some curiosity to see, whether our planet was still revolving from east to west. At the mention of papers in the plural number, the attendant gave us a look of surprise, & said he would get it. 30 He returned saying that the gentleman in No. 4 had it, but he would be through in fifteen minutes. Accordingly at the end of that time he brought it, & after we had had it the same length of time he came again to take it to another party. We asked if they had any books. He left for a key, & from a little closet over the chimney, he took out an old time worn volumm, a description of Exeter Cathedral, which he requested us to return to its hiding place, as soon as we were through with it 31 at the boarding house in London, a paper was left for half and hour each morning, & then it was taken to the next house, thus serving several families of readers. It seemed strange to us, a nation of readers, where books & papers were plenty, the poorest laborer having his daily paper, to see but one [paper] so carefully circulated, & one old book in a larger Hotel under lock & key. The next day brought us to London. Although I had read innumerable descriptions of that wonderful 32 city with its clouds, its mists & fogs, yet I expected to be dazzled & surprized with its vastness & grandeur, at every turn, which I was not. Its vastness one cannot learn at a glance & some of its finest buildings cannot be taken in from any one standpoint. As is the case with St. Pauls cathedral. My first impression was one of disappointment. It seemed a dark gloomy Babel, narrow crooked streets, architecture particularly of private houses very plain, & all black with time & smoke. When I entered Mother Moore's 33 boarding house in Queen Street it struck me as the dreariest human abode I had ever seen. Though London has the reputation of being the cleanest city in the world, the prevalence of cloudy weather gives it quite the opposite appearance. However, the arrival of a delegation of ladies the next day, from Boston & Philadelphia, changed the atmosphere of the establishment, & filled me with delightful anticipations of some new & charming acquaintances, which I fully realized in meeting Miss Emily Winslow, Abby Southwick Elizabeth Neal, Mary Green[?] Abby 33 1/2 Kimber, Sarah Pugh & Lucretia Mott. As there had been a split in the Antislavery ranks, delegates came from both branches, & as they were equally represented at our lodgings, I became familiar with the whole controversy. As the potent element in the division was the woman question, & as the Garrisonian branch maintained their right to speak & vote in the conventions, all my sympathies gravitated at once to that association, while Mr Stanton & Mr Birney belonged to the other since[?] called political 34 abolitionists. To me there was no question so momentous & important as the emancipation of woman, from the old theories & dogmas of the past, political, religious & social. It struck me as very remarkable, that any abolitionists who saw so clearly, & felt so keenly the wrongs of the slave, should be so oblivious to the equal wrongs of their own mothers, wives, & sisters, when according to the common law both classes occupied a similar legal status & political position. 35 In closing this chapter the thought just comes to my mind, that it is forty nine years ago this very day, June 1st 1889, that I awoke in Torquay, climbed on top if the English coach, took that charming drive & lingered at sunset in that beautiful cathedral. To day I sit in Hempstead Lucy Island, in health & comfort, describing the events of these early days, but where are my companions on that voyage, & the many other loved ones whose names I have mentioned? Passing I hope through still some enchanting scenes though hidden from mortal view Transcribed and reviewed by volunteers participating in the By The People project at crowd.loc.gov.