SPEECHES & WRITINGS FILE "The Mother who stayed at Home" The Mother Who Stayed at Home. "Now there's a woman who has been an ideal mother in every particular. She has stayed home from morning till night in season and out. She has joined no clubs for the uplift of the heathen either at home or abroad. No Matron's Bridge Whist Club or any other organization for pleasure, profit or otherwise has been able to tempt Mrs. Shepherd from her family or her home. And yet, she is in a peck of trouble on account of that wild boy of hers. Have you heard whether the judge is willing to parole him or not? I just don't understand "dispensations of Providence" , whatever that may mean, and I never did." Mrs. Stephen Gifford was a well-known exponent of the "Mother Stay At Home policy, and, as she referred to Mrs. Shepperd's trouble, it was quite evident, she was both puzzled and pained. It was a rare thing to see this distinguished-looking matron at an afternoon tea, and, her presence on this occasion could be accounted for only by the fact that it was given in honor of a life-long friend, who was to be in the city but a few days. "Well, she could not have fared worse, so far as her children are concerned, if she had gone out with us girls and had a good time every now and then. She might have given herself a treat during the holidays and and on fete days any how. This thing of a woman's immolating herself upon the altar of her children and her home and never going out for reacreation and enjoyment herself is all a mistake. It's tommy rot of the worst kind." Mrs. Jack Hansom spoke with conviction and feeling. She was no longer young in years, but was a girl in heart and was much more active than many women twenty years her junior. She had successfully reared a family of six, evenly divided, three boys and three girls, each and every one of whom had "turned out well", as her friends expressed it. The girls had married men to whom their parents did not object, to say the least. Two of the Hansom boys were in the professions and one was a prosperous 2 business man. Nobody had accused Mrs. Hansom of staying at home too much. She had been a pioneer in establishing Day Nurseries for the children of working women, had been a member of the Trustee Board which had supervised the Home for Friendless Girls and had devised ways and means of sending more than one talented girl to college and to schools of art. "I recall very distinctly" said Mrs. Hansom, "that Mrs. Shepherd frequently expressed the strongest disapproval of women who belonged to clubs, and she was evidently conscientious in this point of view. Well, she has my deepest sympathy anyway. Who knows what Bob Shepherd really did? What is the state of the case as it now stands?" It seems" said Mrs. Gifford, "that he belonged to a gang of boys of his own age, from fifteen to twenty years, who were actually banded together for the purpose of robbing stores. It is wonderful how well they succeeded, too. At least two of the five boys came from the best families and Bob Shepherd was one of them. The other three who composed the gang belonged to respectable families, too. They committed the thefts from two to four in the morning." "How on earth did a boy so carefully watched and guarded as Bob Shepherd always has been elude the vigilance of his mother?" interrupted Mrs. Hansom. "I have heard Mrs. Shepherd say several times that a mother should rarely go out at night, so as to see that her children, particularly her boys, were in the house at the proper time and that regularly every night her son retired at ten o'clock. It simply shows", she concluded "that even a vigilant, dutiful, mother must slepp a little. She can not lie awake all night long to see that her son does not slip out of the front door or let himself out of the window at two in the morning for the purpose of robbing stores, or committing other crime." "There are two young men I have in mind" said Mrs. Duncan, who had no children of her own. They are sons of a hard drinker, to express it mildly. 3 He was a fine courtly gentleman, when he was sober, so I can not bring myself to call him a drunkard. And more exemplary specimens of young manhood than his sons are, it would be very hard to find. Neither one of them cares a fig for liquor, altho they have seen their father consume it in large quantities, ever since they were born. With such a shocking example before them, how do you account for their sobriety? How is it that they were not tempted by their father's example to become a victim of strong drink? Its my opinion", she added,"that their father was an awful warning to them. Instead of being tempted to follow in his footsteps, they were disgusted with him." "It simply proves," sighed Mrs. Gifford, "That what is one child'd meat is another's poison. There are Mrs. Bayard's children, two girls and two boys. You know what an inveterate, incurable missionary that good woman has been all her life, how she has absented herself from home, occasionally even going on extended tours, providing for her children, of course, as best she could, and yet those girls and boys have apparently not suffered from what seemed to me, pure and unadulterated neglect at all." "Hear then the conclusion of the whole matter" said a rosy-checked young matron who had listened in silence to the discussion practically the whole afternoon." We have examples of children who have turned out well, brilliantly, in spite of the fact that their mothers found time either to be missionaries or do some other kind of work outside of their homes., while their children were young and growing up. On the other hand, children have brought shame and disgrace upon their parents in spite of the fact that their mothers devoted their whole time and attention to them. It seems to me that each child is a problem unto itself. Each mother must decide for herself what is her duty to her children and to her home. Nobody else can settle that question for her. I If a mother seems to have a "call" to help the little waifs and strays for whom so little is done. in addition to rearing her own brood, 4 it seems to me it is her duty to do that, If a woman does not care to do missionary work, or if she prefers to amuse herself occasionally, why let her do that.." But "fools rush in, where angels fear to tread, " said the young matron with a blush and a smile, "so here I am expressing an opinion on subjects which those who have had more experience can discuss so much better than myself." "No, a little child can lead us" replied Mrs. Hansom. "But the conclusion of the whole matter is that a mother can do only so much for a child and no more. I used formerly to believe almost wholly in a child's training- in his environment-and had a fine scorn for heredity. Now I believe in both. Experience and observation have taught me that no matter how much may be done for some children or how little may be done for others, what is in the child is more then apt to come out- the mother's example, devotion, her most conscientious efforts to the contrary, notwithstanding." "But what a discouraging point of view", exclaimed Mrs. Gifford, . "What can mothers do then?" " Their best, my dear," replied Mrs. Hansom, "their very best, and the child must do the rest. There is at least one thing women can do however, and that is to refrain from always laying upon a mother the burden of her children's failures, and to saddle the blame for their evil deeds solely upon her. There is no doubt that some mothers do neglect their children and their homes, but the children of such mothers do not always turn out badly, on the contrary, they frequently do very well. On the same principle children of mothers who have devoted themselves heart, soul, mind and strength to their rearing and training sometimes fall sadly from grace, and instead of being a credit to their parents are a disgrace. In cases like these let us be slow to hold the mothers accountable, as is usually done. Have you observed, friends?" she asked " that we have not said one word about the father's responsibility in the rearing of children? But- this is too serious a discussion for an afternoon tea. When we go home, we'll feel that we have been reading a chapter in Young's Night Thoughts. Let us follow the example of the men now, and devote the rest of the afternoon to really having a good time." Mary Church Terrell. Transcribed and reviewed by contributors participating in the By The People project at crowd.loc.gov.