>> Shari Werb: I'm Shari Werb
and I'm the director of
the Library of Congress's
Center for Learning,
Literacy and Engagement.
You're here for an
event we're calling
Chasten Buttigieg Has
Something to Tell You.
Hint: It's About
Finding Yourself.
But first, for those of you
here at the festival, if you see
a survey taker roaming around,
please take our survey.
We're very interested in
learning from you and
incorporating your thoughts
into future National Book
Festivals. I also want to thank
the James Madison Council for
sponsoring the
Inspiration Stage.
We hope you'll join
us at the library's
Thomas Jefferson Building
on Thursday nights
for our popular live
at the Library series.
Every Thursday night, we keep
the Jefferson Building open late
and you can visit exhibits,
explore architecture,
grab something to eat and drink,
and participate in a variety of
fun events, including a literary
costume ball on September 14th.
When we encourage you to dress
up as your favorite literary
character or writer.
Ann Patchett and Kate DiCamillo
will be in conversation the
night of October 19th and a
brand new event called
Pick Your Poison Mystery Night
at the Library of Congress
happens on October 26th.
We want you to know that the
Library of Congress belongs to
you and is yours to explore.
Now back to the
stars of the show.
Chasten Buttigieg is a teacher,
advocate and husband of former
presidential candidate
Pete Buttigieg.
Chasten's new book, "I Have
Something to Tell You," is an
adaptation for young adults
of his earlier memoir.
And moderator David Begnaud is
the Emmy Award winning lead
national correspondent for CBS
Mornings, the national broadcast
that airs weekdays on CBS.
Begnaud was part of the team
that won a national Emmy for
outstanding live news program.
We're grateful to them
both for being here.
And now let's welcome
them to the stage.
[Applause]
>> Chasten Buttigieg: Wow.
Hello.
>> David Begnaud: Why the
adaptation for young adults?
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
Well, first of all, hello,
National Book Festival.
This is bonkers.
>> David Begnaud: Your
biggest audience yet, right?
>> Chasten Buttigieg: Yeah.
Not worried about it at all.
[Laughing]
I wrote the book, I wish I
would have had an eighth grade.
I thought I was the only gay
person in the world when I was
in eighth grade, and I really
wanted to share that story for
younger me and millions of
other younger me's around the
country who just needed to know
that someone had been there,
that they had lived through it
and they made it.
So, yeah.
>> David Begnaud: Eighth grade.
What was going on then?
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
What wasn't going on then?
I was obviously
deeply in the closet.
I was in for H.*
I was showing cows at the
county fair pretending to be a
cowboy, just trying to blend in.
And I grew up in this really
idyllic place, but everything
about my life at that point
felt like a performance that I
was doing everything to either
impress my parents or my peers
or to just blend in.
And there was so much pain and
fear just trying to make it,
just trying to add it all up.
And once I started getting the
vocabulary about who I was or
starting to understand what was
going on, you know, it became
more and more aware that
it was unsafe to be gay
in Northern Michigan
at that time.
>> David Begnaud:
Was there anyone at that time
you knew who was gay?
>> Chasten Buttigieg: No.
Nobody.
Well, Will and Grace
was on television.
Ellen was on television.
And so when I started
getting the vocabulary for it, I
thought, well, you can
be gay on TV or, you know,
in New York or Los Angeles.
And what I learned from them
was that you have to be funny.
If you're going to be gay
instead of being the joke, you
tell the joke. Yeah.
So I was very performative.
Obviously. I put on a lot of
plays in the basement and my
parents enrolled me in theater,
which totally saved my life.
But that to me, was like,
masking the big secret, right?
I could be funny and engaging
and entertaining, and that would
distract everyone
from the reality.
>> David Begnaud: No social
media channels to go follow
someone secretly on your own?
To see about what
being gay and having a life
like that is like.
There was a tragedy, a horrific
tragedy in our world that
happened that you watched
from not too far away.
Tell everybody.
>> Chasten Buttigieg: Yeah.
So right about the time I was
learning, figuring
out that I was gay,
Matthew Shepard was murdered.
Matthew Shepard was
all over the television.
A gay college student who was
taken by two men in a pickup
truck tied to a fence post,
beaten and left for dead.
And I was growing up around a
lot of pickup trucks and fence
posts. And I was just convinced
that if people found out that I
was gay, that might
happen to me too.
And so that really shaped how I
viewed protecting that secret,
that it wasn't just about the
world not being ready for you.
It was that the world might
take your life away because of
who you are.
>> David Begnaud: Who was
the first gay person you met
other than yourself?
>> Chasten Buttigieg: Oh, man.
There's a chapter in the book
about my exchange
year in Germany,
which changed everything for me.
And I remember other students
talking very openly about being
gay. And it was such a taboo
from where I was coming from,
and it was so freeing to just
be around other people who just
talked about it as if
it were no big deal.
And of course, now
there are so many people
that I graduated with who are
gay, super queer, graduating
class of 2007.
Nobody knew it.
We had teachers who
were gay who weren't out.
But that was the thing.
Everyone was so convinced that
we all had to live in secret
that you could not share that
information with the world.
What a difference it would have
made to have known that I had
teachers who were gay or peers
who were gay, and it wouldn't
have been a big thing. But
instead it was the one thing I
focused on, the one thing I
thought about every single day.
Do not let these people find
out that you were gay
or you'll lose it all.
>> David Begnaud:
What was life like at home then?
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
Well, life was--
This is the hard
part about this story.
Life was great.
Being the kid that I thought my
parents wanted me to be.
My parents worked very, very
hard to give us everything we
wanted. So I was
on the bowling team.
You know, I was in for H.*
Don't snicker at
the bowling team.
How dare you?
You know, we were a very
active family, you know,
camping and...
But I was just hiding, but
very, very loving, dedicated
parents. But we just didn't
talk about being gay.
That's the thing.
Had my parents sat me down and
had a ten second conversation,
which I urge every parent to
do, you know, had we sat down
and just said, it's okay to be
who you are, we want you to know
that whether you want to dance
or be on the football team or do
both, or whether you're gay or
straight, we will love you
unconditionally no matter what.
But we just didn't
have that conversation.
And so I was convinced that
their love was conditional, that
all of the things I was doing
to impress them would as long as
I were straight.
>> David Begnaud:
Their love was not conditional.
You later learned.
Your mother is here.
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
My mother is here today.
>> David Begnaud: Where is she?
>> Right there.
[Applause]
>> David Begnaud:
In the front row.
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
In the front row.
[Applause]
>> David Begnaud:
When and how did you learn
the love was not conditional?
>> Chasten Buttigieg: I came
out to my mom. I wrote a letter.
But at that time, I'd
already packed my bags.
Just sort of convinced
that it was over.
And not because I was afraid
that my parents would say,
you know, no son of mine is gay.
Get out of the house.
I was more convinced that I
would be such an embarrassment
to them. My parents are
talk about celebrities.
It is hard to go anywhere with
Sherri and Terri Glusman in
Traverse City, Michigan.
They just know everybody.
And I was so worried
that people would learn.
Well, Sherri and Terri son,
you know, is gay and it would be
an embarrassment to them and
they would lose family or
friends. And so I gave her
the letter and I left.
I remember it was sunny out.
The windows were open.
There were bedsheets on the
clothesline on the back deck.
Mom was sitting in her recliner
watching television.
And I handed her the letter
and I just said, I'm sorry.
And that's all I knew.
To say. I couldn't think of
anything else to say.
And I ran. And there was a lot
of confusion about why I left.
And I was just so scared.
And I found out that their love
wasn't conditional when they had
found out that I was sleeping
on friends couches and
occasionally sleeping in my car.
And they wanted
to keep me alive.
I was in a pretty rough spot.
And they didn't know anything
about raising a gay son.
But they put all of that
prejudice and fear aside and
called me home.
Mom called me home.
I will never forget my
little blue flip phone ringing
driving my little
Mitsubishi minivan.
And she called and said, just
come home and we'll figure it
out. And I did.
I drove right home and I
just collapsed in her arms.
[Applause]
>> David Begnaud: I have such
appreciation for seeing her
sit in the front row and
clap with the look on her face
that she has now,
this many years later.
The beauty and the gift
of this book is that it
helps us see something of
ourselves in your story.
And that's such a gift to give.
I remember when my grandmother
died, she wrote a letter to my
mother saying, Do your
best to understand David.
And I think that was her way of
saying with the language she had
at that time that there's
something different.
Your grandmother was a very
special soul to you.
>> Chasten Buttigieg: Yeah.
I feel like this is a common
thing I hear around the country
when I say when I came out,
everyone said, you know,
we'll deal with that,
but don't tell grandma.
It'll kill her. Like so many
people tell me, that they were
also told to not tell their
grandma because they thought it
would kill her. And which is
also a great title for a book.
[Laughing]
Nobody take that.
I want to workshop it.
That was the thing
was like slowly coming.
I felt like I owed it to
everybody to come out and come
out to my cousins and come out
to my aunts and uncles and
which is bogus, by the way.
I talk about that in the book.
I feel like we need to raise a
generation of young people who
know that that is their
information to share.
You do not have to come out if
you don't want to come out.
[Applause]
But while I was on my apology
tour for being gay, everyone was
like, Don't tell grandma.
It'll kill her. And
I loved my grandma.
We had a really
special relationship.
I always went to church with
her, not because I was extremely
devout, but because there was
free breakfast afterwards.
And we had this great
bond and it killed me not
sharing this piece of
information with her.
I felt like she didn't know
the real me, the true me.
And it was Thanksgiving.
I believe we were
at a family function.
And I asked her to go for a walk
and we wound up in the front
seat of her car.
Her rosary was dangling
in the rearview mirror.
And I said, Grandma, I just.
I couldn't find the words.
I just started crying.
And she wore like really
heavy jewelry, really big rings.
And she reached across the car
and squeezed my arms so tight I
could feel them
digging into my arm.
And she said, I know Chasters.
That was my nickname.
She said, I know Chasers and I
love you just the same.
And it was really special.
For her to know that.
And she spoke at our
wedding. She read the gospel at
our wedding and then passed a
couple of months after that.
It was so special to know that
this woman I loved and admired
so much, loved me and admired
me as equally back.
I didn't have to hide myself
from her.
>> David Begnaud: If you wrote
a letter to the eighth grader,
what would you tell him?
>> Chasten Buttigieg: Oh, just
to take a breath, you know?
I write in the book about how
one day you're going to grow up
and you're going to go to
Target and someone's going to
interrupt you and tell you that
they went to high school with
you and you were going to have
no idea who that person is.
[Laughing]
But I was so convinced in
eighth grade that that person's
opinion was the opinion that
mattered the most.
I was so terrified of
what they thought about me.
And I wish that eighth grader
would have known that it was
okay to be different. It was
okay to be goofy or loud.
It was okay to stick out.
But back then it felt like you
had to be one type of person.
And I just wish I would have
been able to live into all of
those differences, to just lean
into my differences and be
celebrated for that as well.
Imagine what life would have
been like had I not spent 22
years running away from myself.
>> David Begnaud:
Now it's fine and everything.
But then you had to go be the
husband of the first gay
presidential candidate.
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
I was so rude. Right.
You know, I was
just getting going.
My teaching career. Yeah.
>> David Begnaud:
How the hell has that been?
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
We only have 27 minutes left.
And it's been great.
It's been everything, you know.
Of course, it can be really
difficult and scary, but it is
also very inspiring.
>> David Begnaud:
But through the lens of being
the first gay couple, right.
There are so many
firsts along those way.
>> Chasten Buttigieg: It's been
really powerful to connect
with people because of
that historical fact.
People who are of an older
generation who never thought
that they would see this day.
That was very meaningful for me
when he was running and being in
D.C. and then being able to
write stories like this and tour
the country and work with
librarians and teachers and have
these conversations with
younger people about not being
afraid to be themselves.
And I never thought that
I would be this person.
I never thought that I would,
you know, be talking about
politics on late night news
or, you know, defending LGBTQ
rights. But I'm glad I
get to be this person.
I'm really glad I got to grow
up and celebrate who I am
openly. And that journey
for me was long and it was
bumpy and sometimes terrifying.
But now I get to turn around
and think about how we have to
continue pulling
other people up.
I remind myself of the
privilege that we have to be in
this position, and you got to
ask yourself as an ally, what
are you doing to deserve that
that title to be an active ally?
I don't think it's enough to
just occasionally post on social
media or buy the shirt at
Target if you can still buy it
at Target. But you have to ask
yourself, how am I using my
power or my privilege and my
platform to help other people?
>> David Begnaud: I think it's
a misconception when you're gay.
Some people might assume
that as you get older, the
insecurities just go away.
>> David Begnaud:
Does the writing of the book--
And there will be
more books to come.
Does it help keep
that insecurity at bay?
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
Well, I mean, in public life,
I've just kind of decided I have
to be myself, my authentic self.
I can't pretend to
be somebody else.
I mean, I did that
for a long time.
I wrote a book about
it. You should read it.
And I just want people
to know that or just to say
like, I want you to like me for
me. And if you don't like me,
well, at least you don't like me
and not the character I'm
pretending to be in public life.
And so when you lean
into that and just say,
I can't go out there and
pretend to be somebody else,
it's sort of freeing
in a way that I...
When you live in public
life, you are
constantly calculating.
Constantly. What store you shop
at, the people you're
surrounding yourself with,
the outfit you're wearing
when you step out of the door
in the morning, you're
constantly making calculations
about how the world is going to
perceive you and if they're
going to perceive me in any way,
at least I would like
for them to just see me.
And I don't want to be
constantly calculating
about the character,
if that makes sense.
>> David Begnaud:
It does. It does.
The anti LGBTQ book bans,
right, that we're seeing
across the country.
You're a little
passionate about that.
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
Yeah. This books save lives.
I mean, I can't imagine
what it would have been like.
[Applause]
I used to hide in the library
like many other geeks.
Hey. What would it have
been like to go into the library
at Traverse City, West Middle
School or high school and say,
you know, I think I'm gay
or I just feel alone?
And this book just
isn't for LGBTQ students.
This is for everybody. Anybody
who's ever felt alone or like a
fish out of water.
What would it have done for
me if the librarian was like,
Oh, I really like this book,
you know, check this book out.
And it's a story that would
have been similar to mine.
You know, books are
mirrors and windows, right?
An opportunity to see yourself
reflected on the page or the
opportunity to peer into
somebody else's life.
I hope this book accomplishes
both, but if younger me would
have had access to a book that
just made me feel okay in my own
body, it would have been
profound.
>> David Begnaud: Do you
think your book will be banned?
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
I mean.
It's a completely
age appropriate book.
Teacher and a dad.
And so I know my audience.
I know who I'm writing for.
So I should say if somebody
does challenge it, it's purely
for political reasons.
What's happening right now is...
It is not about books.
It's just about using the LGBTQ
community as a scapegoat for an
entire political party
that has lost its mooring.
They have no idea.
[Applause]
These are people who say they
care about protecting our kids.
And so they go after the most
vulnerable kids in America.
And if you say that you care
about protecting children and
you won't raise a finger on gun
violence, the number one cause
of death amongst young people
in this country, then your
priorities are way out of whack.
[Applause]
I have been to over 35 cities
with this book this year and
almost every city I have an
opportunity to sit down
with students in that city and
talk about what matters most to
them. And every single place I
go, whether it's Texas, Florida,
Missouri, Tennessee,
anywhere I go, kids are the
number one topic on
their mind is gun safety.
It's not about LGBTQ people,
but they have found something
that works. They threw
everything at the wall.
They wanted to see
what would stick.
And it's attacking LGBTQ people.
>> David Begnaud: I think one
of the most beautiful things
about the book as well
is it is not just a window
for a gay person
to see something
of themself in your story.
It's also a book where allies.
People who are straight
can read it and learn.
>> Chasten Buttigieg: I wish
my mom would have had this book.
Thanks, Mom.
She's not paid to say that.
>> David Begnaud: I wish
I would have had that book.
I wish I would
have had that book.
>> Chasten Buttigieg: I wish I
could have just handed that to
my family when they
were asking all the--
The right questions and the
wrong questions and the
embarrassing questions. I wish
there would have been a way to
say, we'll just read this and
maybe you'll understand what
it's like to live in this body
right now, what it's like to go
through the world wondering
whether or not people will love
you or whether you will
ever know love or friendship or
family just because
of who you are.
>> David Begnaud:
And the reality is,
when a lot of people
come out, their parents
have all kinds of questions.
And the one thing you want to
say to them is, I'm still trying
to figure it out, too.
Like we're on the same journey.
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
I wrote in the back of the book
there's a couple of pages
of reflection questions
and discussion prompts because
I didn't want the journey in the
book to end at the end of the
story. I also taught eighth
grade, and so I did a little
legwork for you teachers.
There are specific questions
in the back, like,
do you think it is the
responsibility of LGBTQ people
to come out?
Let's talk about that.
I want that discussion
to go further.
And especially for parents of
LGBTQ people, that is an
opportunity for you to
dig a little bit deeper
into that thinking.
>> David Begnaud: There were
moments where you were suicidal.
Over the years. What age?
>> Chasten Buttigieg: Young.
>> David Begnaud:
What protected you from that?
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
I mean, I knew--
I knew where the
gun safe was and
I looked at it a lot, but
something in me,
I wanted to know
what it was like to be loved.
I think younger me just
desperately wanted to know
what that feeling of
belonging truly felt like
because everything
like we had talked
about sort of felt conditional.
My friendships weren't
real or true or deep.
And I think I just
wanted to know
what it would feel like to be
truly loved for who I am.
And as I got older,
once I came out,
you know, it's that saying,
it gets better
bothered me so much.
People would say,
Well, it gets better.
And I was like, when?
It sucked yesterday, you know,
and the forecast doesn't look
any better tomorrow. And
I'd get really frustrated.
But the only way it got better
was because other people
committed to making it better.
It wasn't because I made it
better for myself.
It was because my friends told
me that it was okay to be
myself. And my friends knew
that I was in a very dark place
and continuously reminded me
that I was loved for who I was,
that my parents put aside
prejudice or fear of rejection
from their friendship and
community or church because they
wanted to keep their kid alive.
It's because other people
surrounded me.
That it got better.
And that is something I think
we all need to think about how
we are continuously trying to
make it better for other people.
You can't just look at an
eighth grade kid who's coming to
you wondering, will it
ever add up to anything?
Why should I stick around?
And you can't just say,
Well, it'll get better.
What are you going to do to
make it better for that kid?
What are we all going to do as
allies to commit ourselves to
active allyship again?
How are you making it better
for other people?
It's just something
to noodle on.
And that is how I stuck around.
>> David Begnaud: This may
sound crazy, but I want to know
if it is your experience.
I remember growing up,
I avoided relationships
with people who were gay
because if I became
friends with them,
I felt like it would guarantee
that I was that which people
didn't like. And
so I avoided that.
Was that in any
way your experience?
>> Chasten Buttigieg: Growing
up gay in northern Michigan is
pretty isolating in general.
>> David Begnaud:
Were there any gay neighbors?
>> Chasten Buttigieg: No.
Well, not that I
knew of at the time.
I mean. There was one kid in
school who wasn't out, and it
was that those terms, those
slurs that were thrown around.
And I write in the book about
how we all watched him,
bear the brunt of most of
those slurs and attacks.
And and rather than standing up
and surrounding him and saying,
that's not right.
We don't treat people like
that. We all just dot.
And we let him take it.
Because if you stuck up for him,
Then you were
probably one yourself.
>> David Begnaud: They were
gonna point the finger at you.
>> Chasten Buttigieg: And that's
what I write about in the book.
When these kids would gang up
on you in the locker room or in
the hallway, and they'd shove
your face into a locker or throw
you to the ground and
call you the F slur,
I wasn't convinced that I could
go to the principal's office and
say, like, this is messed up
because I thought he probably
hated me for that reason too.
And so when we're talking about
allyship, like if you are in
administration or, you know,
positions of power, how are you
using those positions to make
sure that those around you know
that it is okay
to be themselves?
>> David Begnaud: Has putting
the words on paper been
healing in some way?
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
Oh, healing. Terrifying.
A little bit of everything.
Just knowing that it's out
there in the world, like you can
never take it back. Right.
But healing in the sense that
that young kid would have never
believed you if you would have
told him that one day,
one day you're going to get
through this.
You're going to fall in love.
You're going to get married.
You're going to have twins.
You're going to
write a book about it,
and then you'll be at the
National Book Festival.
>> David Begnaud:
With your mother.
With your mom.
[Applause]
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
So that's pretty cool.
>> David Begnaud:
We've hit the 15 minute mark
and I'd like to start
landing the plane
as we start to
welcome questions.
So if you will get ready and
we'll have you come up to the
microphone and
we'll start taking
some questions right away.
When you talk about that kid,
I mean, again, you could have
never imagined traveling here
with your mother for a
conversation about this.
To celebrate you being you.
>> Chasten Buttigieg: No, no.
And I loved my mom.
I adored my mom
as a young person.
And I was so terrified that I
would lose that friendship,
that relationship with someone
that loves you dearly.
I mean, the worst thing we've
had to deal with is we didn't
get peanuts on our flight
last night, so, you know.
We should talk to
somebody about that.
But just knowing that you have
a parent in your corner, knowing
that you have a family that
supports you and loves you
unconditionally, it makes
everything else easier.
I mean, my life got so much
easier when I knew that I had
my people in my corner
that I could go home.
And that I could express my
truest self to my family out of
not fearing that they would
be embarrassed of me, which was
the big fear when
I was growing up.
>> David Begnaud: We'll try
and get in as many questions
as we can. So if you'll
get right to the point.
Right to the question.
Yes, ma'am.
>> Hi. Thank you very
much for writing your book.
You talked about when you
went and got your master's.
It gave me a lot of confidence
when I went to get mine.
So, thank you.
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
Hey, congratulations.
Thank you. And I just wanted to
ask you also about when it feels
like there's such a backlash
about against LGBT rights, for
instance, or against
environmental protections, or
just what keeps you confident?
What helps you keep
fighting the good fight?
>> Chasten Buttigieg: Yeah,
well, the thing right now
and it's always
easier said than done.
I remember that these people
are on the wrong side of
history. Not not just that, but
that the majority of American
people support LGBTQ equality.
So this party, this political
party has decided to rail
against this idea.
That the majority
of Americans support
and it's not grounded
in reality. Right?
They're coming up with all of
these silly things to
spark outrage and
to stoke fear.
But the majority of Americans
are on our side.
And wherever I'm at in the
country, I just meet people who
are so exhausted
with the nonsense.
Politics is supposed to make
your life better and safer.
If you are in a position of
power, your job is to go to
those big white buildings in
Washington or your state capital
and work to make people's lives
better and safer so you can
focus on getting your master's
or teaching or raising a
family. But instead, this
party is just lost.
They have no idea what to do
anymore because the majority of
Americans aren't on their side.
And so there's there's that
reminder that this is not
grounded in true reality.
And then I stay off social
media as much as I can.
I have two year old twins.
And so the easiest thing I do
now is just I get to turn the
phone off and play with my kids
and they remind me of what's
real, of what matters.
The most important job I have
right now is being a good dad.
And so showing up for the
people in my life is
better than arguing with
you know, somebody with
a cat emoji on Twitter.
You just have to remember that,
like, when have you ever seen on
Twitter someone be like,
Wow. I see it from
your perspective now.
Thank you so much
for that insight.
So, like, you know, it's
a losing battle out there.
>> Thank you.
>> David Begnaud: Yes, ma'am.
>> I read your memoir,
your longer memoir.
I was really affected by it.
I just want to say
how much I enjoyed it.
And one of the many things that
I was affected by was your
struggles in your
20s financially.
You know how you talked about
having a lot of student loan
debt sort of
unwittingly, kind of
accumulating a lot of debt and
then taking jobs that you liked
but didn't didn't pay
maybe you know enough for
you to be able to live and
the bad cars and multiple jobs.
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
Thank you for reminding me.
>> Yeah, I'm sorry.
[Laughing]
Well, I thought it was
very interesting because
right before you came on,
we had a speaker called
"Poverty by America." And I
just wanted to let you know
that I was really
affected by the way
that you talked about that
because you talked about it
from a personal
perspective and it made,
you know, you know,
those older people see,
oh, this is what people
are going through.
And so I was also affected
about that in your book as well.
>> Chasten Buttigieg: Thank you.
>> Thank you.
>> Chasten Buttigieg: Yeah.
The number one conversation,
I just want to come out of that,
which I write about
in the YA book is just
not pressuring students
to run into college.
Growing up, I was sold the
American dream means bachelor's
degree. And it just,
you know, in anything.
So I chose something
extremely lucrative.
I chose theater and it was just
like go to college, finish
college, and then, you know,
and then all the opportunities
open up to you. And I wasn't
ready for college.
I was living in the
backseat of my car.
I should have been focusing on
my mental health, repairing my
relationships and getting to a
place where then I could study.
But it was like, go, go, go.
And I had a support system.
Thank God. I did have a safety
net if I needed it,
like many kids don't.
But I was told the
promise was go to college.
And so I went to the financial
aid office and I took them at
face value. I had no idea what
I was doing and yeah,
I shouldn't have done that.
And I wish I would have had
mentors in my life telling me
that it was okay to pump the
brakes, take some time, figure
out who you are, what you're
passionate about,
and then go to school.
>> David Begnaud: Yes.
>> So first of all, I just want
to say thank you because I am
going into eighth
grade next year.
So first of all, thank you.
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
Yeah. Best of luck.
>> It's not going to be that--
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
When you laugh,
it won't give them confidence.
[Laughing]
It's going to be great.
>> Yeah.
>> But my question is,
do you think school police
can help with the situation?
And what do you think we need
to change in order for
protection officers to actually
help with what's going on?
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
Yeah, I think that's a really--
I mean, that's very
specific to every school
in every community
because obviously every
community and every school or
district will have a different
type of relationship
with police.
But I think one of the larger
conversations that we should be
having is about keeping
kids safe in general.
But one of the things that I
think we can help that I think
would be helpful
when I was a teacher,
my classroom was surrounded
by windows on three sides.
And I knew that
the lockdown drills
I was running
wasn't going to do anything
to keep me alive or
keep my kids alive.
That if somebody wanted to do
something bad, they were going
to do it. And so the
conversation, I think, just.
It just needs to
be about the guns.
It's about the guns.
Those things wouldn't happen
if people didn't have access to
those types of weapons.
The relationship with schools
and police, again, is going
to be difficult and different
for every school.
The number one thing is having
all stakeholders involved in
that conversation, because
kids, number one, should feel
safe in school.
But some kids might not feel
safe in that position.
So that's a conversation that
every community should have for
themselves. And best
of luck in eighth grade.
[Applause]
>> Hi. I was one of those older
generation out gay folks.
I'm appreciating the reminders,
not the right word, but that the
work continues because, you
know, I'm at least 20 years
ahead of you and, you know,
realizing that there are eighth
graders in northern Michigan
right now who are also
struggling like I
did 40 years ago.
Well, more than that.
[Laughing]
And my last comment is
I'm looking forward
to your mom's book.
For her journey.
Because I make up that
she believed she was doing
all the right things for you.
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
Thank you for saying that.
>> David Begnaud: Let's go to
the gentleman right behind you.
Go ahead.
>> So I'd love to ask a
question just from your
perspective as a writer and
taking a book that you'd written
once for one audience. What did
you need to do to find a way to
translate that to a
different audience?
What did you take out?
What did you change?
>> Chasten Buttigieg: Yeah,
I actually went back and forth
with the publisher. I wanted
to give the book a new title.
I didn't want to just adapt
the language of the story.
So for anyone who's already
read the Ya version,
it's a completely
different book.
I wanted to rewrite some of
those stories and include a lot
of new stories because I knew I
was just focusing on the younger
years and what stories were
most important to tell
that journey as a young queer
person in America, growing up in
a rural and conservative place,
what is the arc of that story,
which is very different
than the first book.
I learned this method from
Dustin Lance Black, where he
writes his stories on little
note cards, and then he arranges
them on the floor. And then
once he has the story together,
then he puts all the cards
together. You can write the
book. I'm very visual like that.
As Pete will tell you, I had a
lot of those old giant Post-it
notes, if you remember those
from school or if there are any
teachers. And so our kitchen
was like lined in giant Post-its
for a while because I just
wanted to map the story.
And when you're talking about
your trauma in a story, part of
that trauma
is really important.
But I also wanted to infuse
some of the humor and the
lightheartedness because no
eighth grader, correct me if I'm
wrong, wants to just sit
and read about your trauma.
You know, how are you going
to make it interesting and
lighthearted but also
strike the right note?
And for me, that was mapping
it out and seeing it visually
before I started writing.
>> David Begnaud:
Interesting. Yes.
>> Hey, how are you?
>> Chasten Buttigieg: Hi. Well.
>> Awesome.
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
How are you?
I'm good. I guess my question.
So as a parent, I'm sure you're
thinking like in a couple years
your kids are going to read
this book, hopefully, and
they're going to roll their
eyes and be like,
Oh, it's Dad's book, whatever.
>> Chasten Buttigieg: That
is definitely Penelope. 100%.
>> Snd I guess my question
would be like, as a queer person
in your marriage, before your
marriage, a lot of the
socialization we get about how
to be parents is so gendered of
like, these are mom's duties,
these are Dad's duties, that
kind of thing. What kind of
conversations did you have with
Pete or even just with yourself
about how the labor of parenting
will look different now that
you're not kind of in that?
And there's no big precedent
about how to be two dads and
how to kind of share that.
>> Chasten Buttigieg: I
think, a lifelong journey.
And also it's very different
when your husband works
for the president. So...
[Laughing]
>>> No, no, no. Sure. Yeah.
>> Chasten Buttigieg: He does
do more laundry than I do.
I will give him. I'm very good
at getting it into the dryer.
So I understand what you're
saying about like the gendered
role. And just to zoom out
a little bit, the idea that
parenting is very gendered is
something that we're already
experiencing and having those
conversations with our kids.
I did not know parents who can
laugh that I was going to be
having these conversations with
my two year old, especially
about mommies and daddies.
And they are given so
many books and they read so many
books at daycare about
mommies and daddies.
And so I actually started
writing a book with two dads so
that we can have just a little
more representation in front of
our kids that some parents have
two moms, some parents have
two dads.
Families look different.
But it's not just about all
families are different.
It's about just seeing my
family reflected on the page of
the book where I'm not the
difference, I'm just the family.
And so we want to have more
books for our kids and for
everyone's kids like that.
So that's the next project.
So that's just a little bit
easier for everyone's family.
>> David Begnaud: Two
minutes, if you can get
right to the question.
>> You talked about--
Sorry. You talked about
pretending to be somebody else
for a very long time and then
coming to the place where you
were leaning into your
authentic self.
So what was that process
of finding yourself?
What was that like for you?
How did you do that?
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
Just jumping off the cliff.
I left Iowa in 2019 and
I said, I'm going home.
I need to take a break.
I just told Pete,
he totally agreed.
I said, I can't do this
pretending to be somebody else.
There were many people
around me that would say
things to me like go home.
Let him win. And then you
can be first gentleman.
And I did not want
to live that life.
I was not going
to hide who I was.
And I had to go home, take a
break, catch my breath and say,
I'm going to go out there.
I'm going to be myself.
We should make a commitment
to being ourselves.
And if people like that, great.
And if they don't, don't.
But it was kind of just like,
you know, plugging your nose and
jumping off the deep end
and hoping that it worked.
And it was very scary.
I believe in that
sort of radical vulnerability,
the more vulnerable you are,
the more it invites people into
your story, The more it shows
people that someone's been
there, somebody gets it.
But that doesn't
come without fear.
>> David Begnaud:
And I think to that point,
I would sort of
end on this note.
I can admire your successes,
but I will relate
to your struggles.
And you've given us a book
that people can relate to.
>> Chasten Buttigieg:
Thanks very much.
>> David Begnaud: A lot
of people can relate to.
>> Chasten Buttigieg: Thank you.
Well, it has been such an honor.
Thank you so much.
[Applause]
[Music]
[Music]