nbf06child-jviorst Judith Viorst: Well thank you
for that very nice introduction.
And, I would like to introduce five more people: my son, Alexander.
[applause] Not so little anymore.   His wife, Marla.
[applause] And his children: Olivia, Isaac,
and sleeping at the moment, Toby.
[applause] So there is in fact a real live Alexander.
He's just a lot taller than you expected.
Well I'm very, very happy to be here today and really happy
to see all of you here today.
And I'd like to start by saying a few words about writing books.
And, one of the first things I'd like to say about that is one
of the best things about writing books is getting letters
from the kids who read them.
Because I get a lot, I mean a lot, of letters, neat ones
and messy ones, letters that are printed and letters in script,
letters with some of the weirdest spelling you ever saw in your life,
and letters with some really terrific pictures.
I also get some truly enormous letters.
I want to show you a couple of those.
I don't even know how they managed to fit in the mailbox.
[laughter] Pretty big letter.
Now one of the things these letters ask me over and over again is
about being a writer, and where do I get my ideas.
I want to answer by saying that I started writing
when I was seven years old.
Since second grade, I wanted to be a writer.
One of the ways I learned to write was by reading;
I think I read something almost every day.
And the other way I learned to write was by writing;
I think I wrote something practically every day.
I like taking all of my feelings in here and all of my thoughts up there
and putting them down in different ways on paper.
I wanted very much to be a writer when I grew up.
It was my only dream, and I am totally thrilled that it came true.
[applause] Well, thank you.
I still write what's in here and what's up here,
and I still remember what it feels like to be a kid.
And what helped me remember, of course, were my own three sons.
Though they're now all grown up and married, with kids of their own,
my Anthony and Nick and Alexander were the children I wrote books
for and wrote books about.
And if the kids in my books are not little angels and honey pies
and darlings and sweethearts,
that's because those are not the kind of kids my kids were.
[laughter] No.
They clean up very nicely, but back then, they weren't neat,
or always polite, or always well behaved.
They were loud, very loud, also sloppy, scabby.
They bled a lot.
[laughter] They spilled a lot of things.
They fought.   They got into trouble.
They acted real silly.
And when they wanted to whisper some special secret in my ear,
it wasn't, "I love you, Mommy."
It was, "Joey down the street has stinky feet."
[laughter] No, they weren't the most perfect little children
in the world, but they were kids.
Anyway, I wrote books for and about my kids
and of my first books I wrote was for my middle son Nick,
who was having troubles with his big brother Anthony,
a big brother who was a lovely guy, a practically perfect person,
except for being really mean to poor Nick.
Well I thought I could get Anthony to stop being mean to Nick
by buying him one of those --
have you seen one of those great big punching bags you can get at stores?
So, that he could pretend he was punching Nick,
but not really punch him.
Well he punched the punching bag, he punched it very hard,
but he still had plenty of punches left for Nick.
So, I decided to write a book to cheer Nick up,
a book that imagines what Nick will do when he gets old enough
to finally get even with his big brother.
The book is called "I'll Fix Anthony," and in this book,
Nick imagines that he can skip faster, jump higher,
and stand on his head better than Anthony.
He'll be taller, braver, smarter.
He'll know how to swim while Anthony will only go "glug glug".
When he's six, he'll fix Anthony.
Now, I received a lot of letters from younger brothers
and younger sisters who'd read my story.
They said their big brothers and sisters picked on them, too.
They said they liked the idea of make believing that someday,
someday, they would get even, and they hoped
that maybe their make-believe would come true.
But my favorite, sort of shocking, letter came from a very angry mother
who hated my book and said that my children were bad.
She said that in her family,
all of the children loved each other all the time.
They hugged each other; they kissed each other;
they were totally sweet to each other.
Not a single fight was ever had.
Well I read that letter, and I said to myself,
"Lady, I don't believe you."
And I ask you kids, do you believe her?
Audience: No.   Judith Viorst: No way.
Now, how many boys and girls here have older brothers or sisters?
Raise your hand.
And how many of you are older brothers and sisters?
Raise your hand.
Now -- put your hands down -- now you younger brothers and sisters,
have you ever been picked on by the big ones?
Raise your hand.
Okay big ones, you wait, one of these days,
you are going to get fixed.
[laughter] I have just one more thing to say about being a brother
or a sister of a little kid, and I'm going to read you a poem about that.
It's called "I Love Love Love My Brand-New Baby Sister."
The first time I read it to a group of kids, a little voice
from the back said, "That's too much love for me, lady."
[laughter] I love love love my brand new baby sister.
I'd never feed her to a hungry bear.   I'd never (no!
no! no!) Put her outside in the snow
And by mistake forget I put her there.
I'd never want to flush her down the toilet.
I'd never want to drop her on her head.
I'm only asking if She by mistake fell off a cliff The next time we
[laughter] Well yeah, that would be nice, wouldn't it?
Now I want to tell you about my book about Alexander,
about a boy who has a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
I actually wrote this book for this gentleman here
when he was four years old and seemed
to be having a lot of really rotten days.
I was sure he was going to like this book.
I even thought it might make him laugh.
But when I first read this story to him,
I could not believe his reaction.   He was furious with me.
He got really, really mad.
Why, he asked, was I giving him such a bad day?
How come these bad days don't happen to other people?
How come all the other kids are having a wonderful time while he's
having all these troubles?
In other words, he blamed me for his terrible,
horrible day, and he was mad.   "Well," I said.
"Okay, look.
I'm going to give the bad day to somebody else.
I can do that.
I'll change the name of the kid, and I'll change the name of the book
to "Stanley and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day"
or "Walter and the Terrible, Horrible...'" I explained
that since the story hadn't yet been published,
it was easy to change the title and the boy's name,
except that if I did, the name Alexander would not appear
in great big letters in the front of the book.
Well there was a very long silence, a big sticking out of the lower lip,
and then he said with a very fierce face, "Keep it Alexander."
[laughter] Well for those of you who don't know, in this book,
lots of bad things happen to Alexander.
He goes to sleep with gum in his mouth, wakes up with gum
in his hair, trips on his skateboard; his teacher doesn't
like his picture of the invisible castle.
[laughter] His best friend isn't his best friend anymore.
The shoe store only has plain white sneakers
when he wants sneakers with stripes.
And when he goes to pick up his dad at the office,
he wrecks his dad's office
and his dad says please don't pick him up anymore.
He has a really terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day and thinks
that maybe he ought to move to Australia.
But as his mother explains to him,
some days are like that, even in Australia.
When this book came out, I got lots of funny letters and sad letters,
too, about people's terrible, horrible, awful days.
I also got lots of books from children who decided they were going
to give Alexander a wonderful, marvelous, fabulous, glorious day,
and hope that that would maybe cheer him up.
Some books I write for children are books of poems about things
that boys and girls are thinking.   But before I read it, let me ask,
how many of you children here have dogs?
How many of you would like to have dogs but your mom won't let you?
[laughter] I was afraid of that.
Well, I have a poem called "Mother Doesn't Want a Dog."
Mother doesn't want a dog.   Mother says they smell.
And only sit when you say sit, And never when you yell.
And when you -- coming home at night And there is ice and snow --
You have to go back out because The dumb dog has to go.
Mother doesn't want a dog.
Mother says they shed, And always let the strangers in And bark
at friends instead [laughter] And do disgraceful things on rugs,
And track mud on the floor, And flop upon your bed at night
And snore their doggy snore.   Mother doesn't want a dog.
She's making a mistake.
Because, more than a dog, I think She will not want this snake.
[laughter] And I misread the poem, because they never sit
when you say sit or even when you yell.
Another poem I wrote is called "If I Were in Charge of the World."
It's about the things we'd like to make go away and the things we would
like to make happen if we were the boss of everything.
Now, I'm going to read you the poem, and then I'm going
to ask you what you would do if you were in charge of the world.
So, be thinking about this while I read to you.
If I were in charge of the world I'd cancel oatmeal, Monday mornings,
Allergy shots, and also Sarah Steinberg.
If I were in charge of the world There'd be brighter nightlights,
Healthier hamsters, and Basketball baskets 48 inches lower.
If I were in charge of the world You wouldn't have lonely.
You wouldn't have clean.
You wouldn't have bedtimes Or "Don't punch your sister."
You wouldn't even have sisters.
[laughter] If I were in charge of the world A chocolate sundae
with whipped cream and nuts Would be a vegetable [laughter] All 007
movies would be G. And a person who sometimes forgot to flush,
And sometimes forgot to brush, Would still be allowed
to be In charge of the world.
Now I asked a bunch of kids what they would do if they were boss,
what they would make go away from the world.
Here's what they said.
They said they'd make washing dishes go away, also crime,
also having to clean up your room.
They would also make onions, beets, cauliflower,
brussels sprouts and meatloaf go away.
I don't know about meatloaf; I like meatloaf.
They said that if they were in charge of the world,
they'd make sadness go away, and traffic jams,
and people telling you, "Don't get all dirty."
They'd make winter go away.   Do we really want winter to go away?
Audience: No.   Judith Viorst: We like snowmen.
Maybe we like sleighing -- you know -- no.
They also said they'd make mean teachers go away.
Are there mean teachers?
Audience: [mixed response] Judith Viorst: The grownups seem
to be saying, "No," and the children seem to be saying, "Yes."
We've got a conflict here.
Anyway, I don't believe there's such a thing as mean teachers.
Now, can you tell me what are some of things you'd make go away
Can you come up?
Can you just stand up and go by the microphone, a bunch of kids get
in line and tell me what they'd like to do,
what they'd like to make go away?   Come on; get in line over there.
I want to hear what you'd make go away
if you were in charge of the world.
Got a lot of bossy kids getting in line here.
Female Speaker: Okay, lean down, because the rest are short.
Judith Viorst: Okay, can you start?
If you were in charge of the world, what would you make go away?
Child Speaker: I'd make all sicknesses go away.
Judith Viorst: All sicknesses go away.
That's a good one.
[applause] Judith Viorst: Yes sir, what would you make go away?
Child Speaker: I'll make all homework go away.
[cheering and applause] Judith Viorst: Homework go away.
That's a good one.
Go ahead. Child Speaker: I'd make all book reports go away.
Judith Viorst: All book reports go away.
Child Speaker: I'll make all big brothers go away.
Judith Viorst: Oh.   Goodbye big brothers.
Child Speaker: I'd make sharks go away.
Judith Viorst Okay, we're getting rid of sharks, too.
How many more do we have here?
Child Speaker: I'd make moms that won't let me pet every dog --
Judith Viorst: You have to talk a little louder.
Child Speaker: I'd make -- moms
that wouldn't let me pet every dog in the neighborhood.
Judith Viorst: Ah.
Oh there's a mom who won't let her pet every dog.
Okay, I think we'll do one more,
and then we'll save you other kids for another question.
One more. Child Speaker: I'd like school to go away.
Judith Viorst: School to go away, the whole thing.
Wow. That is shocking.
[laughter] Now, I'm going to tell you a little bit
about the last two books I wrote for children.
The first one is called "Super Completely
and Totally the Messiest."
And I actually wrote it for my granddaughter, Miranda,
who is kind of, sort of, well don't tell her I said this,
extremely messy.
But I don't call her Miranda in the book; I call her Sophie.
And this -- Sophie has an older sister named Olivia,
who is super completely and totally the neatest.
In fact, Olivia is so neat that she is sort of a pain in the butt.
But Olivia is the person in the book who is telling the story
about her sloppy sister,
and I'm going to read you just the beginning of it.
Here is Olivia telling about her sister, Sophie.
"My room is very neat like me, Olivia.
Jake my big brother is sort of, but not a huge, slob.
And then there's my little sister, whose room is seriously,
I mean seriously, revolting, which is maybe one
of a million reasons why my sister Sophie is super completely
and totally the messiest.   "'Hello? Is anyone home?'
I ask when I open the door to her room.
Because even when she's there, it's hard to find her.
I mean, there's so much stuff on her bed
that sometimes I just see the top of her head.
And there's so much stuff on her floor and spilling
out of her dresser drawer
that sometimes all I can find is a nose or a toe."
I mean this girl is messy.
And in the book, we hear about how Sophie makes messes in school
and at her birthday party and how her hair and her dress
and her nice white nurse's Halloween costume are a mess.
And how when she goes to beach and they're having a sandcastle contest,
she totally messes up all seven sandcastles.
Olivia keeps telling Sophie, "Try to be neat like me, Olivia."
But Sophie can't.
And Olivia keeps telling Sophie, "Try to be perfect like me, Olivia."
But Sophie can't.
Still, as we read on, we find out that Sophie is kind and smart
and nice and excellent at puzzles and at dancing.
So even though she'll never be a practically perfect person
like Olivia, and even though she is a major mess, we love her just
as much as her big sister.
And then in another new book I wrote, it's a book called "Just
in Case," I tell the story about a boy named Charlie
who is a great big worrier.   Does anybody here worry?
Raise your hand.   You have things you worry about?
Grown-ups can raise their hand, too.   [laughter] Right.
Anyway, Charlie worries about everything.
And because he worries all the time,
he is always getting ready, just in case.
He's ready with water wings and an inflatable boat
if it rains in his house.
If the food runs out, he makes, in advance,
117 peanut butter sandwiches, just in case.
He digs a pit in the front yard and covers it with leaves so just
in case a lion escapes from the zoo, he can capture it.
He also carries a parachute so he can jump out of a nest
if a bird comes and gets him and carries him away.
Charlie likes to be ready.   Charlie tries to be ready.
Charlie is always ready, just in case.
But at the end of this book, something happens to Charlie.
You'll have to read the book to find out.
And maybe, maybe it isn't always good to be ready.
Well, I'm going to read you now --
I think I have another poem I would like to read you.
But I have to ask you not to laugh when I read it.
I'm going to tell you the name of it,
and I want everybody to promise not to laugh.
The name of the poem is "Sad Underwear."
Knock, knock.   Who's there?
Someone with sad underwear.   Sad underwear?
How can this be?
When my best friend's mad at me, Everything is sad.
Even my underwear.
Now, sad is one kind of feeling that people have,
but they have a lot of other feelings, too.
And I want the kids in line with that microphone now to tell me some
of the other kinds of other feelings that people have.
Okay? What kind of feelings?   Child Speaker: Mad.
Judith Viorst: Mad is one.   Another feeling?
Child Speaker: Sad.   Judith Viorst: Okay, Sad.
What else?   Child Speaker: Happy.
Judith Viorst: Happy is a good one.   Yes. Child Speaker: Grossed out.
Judith Viorst: What?
[laughter] Child Speaker: Grossed out.
Judith Viorst: Oh.   Grossed out.
That's excellent.   Go ahead. Child Speaker: Ugly.
Judith Viorst: Ugly.
Oh, well there's a song called "I Feel Pretty,"
so this is the opposite song, I feel ugly?
Okay, what else?   Child Speaker: Beautiful.
Judith Viorst: Beautiful -- sometimes people feel beautiful.
Any other -- any other feelings that you'd like to tell me about?
Female Speaker: We have some on this side, over here.
Judith Viorst: Over here.   Let's here these.
Child Speaker: I don't know if this is a feeling, but pandemonium.
Judith Viorst: Pandemonium.
Okay, it may not be a feeling but it's a fabulous word.
[laughter] And what else?   Child Speaker: Angry.
Judith Viorst: Angry is a very good one.
Yes. Child Speaker: Marvelous.   Judith Viorst: Marvelous.
Here's somebody who's feeling marvelous.
Child Speaker: Melancholy.   Judith Viorst: Melancholy!
Another gorgeous word.   Child Speaker: Excited.
Judith Viorst: Excited.   Okay, one more.
What is that?   Child Speaker: Depressed.
Judith Viorst: Depressed.
Okay. These are very, very good feelings, and I thank you.
Now, I've almost finished talking to you
but there's one more thing I want to say, and I want to say how I feel
about reading books, and how much I love reading books,
and how happy books make me, and why.
With a book you always have someone to keep you company.
Books can teach you amazing things you never knew before.
Books can take you everywhere in the world, to the jungles,
to the forests, to far off countries,
to outer space, to Narnia.
Books can let you live all different kinds of lives, and books can be
as beautiful as a rainbow or a sky full of birds and butterflies,
as exciting as swinging so high you feel as if you're touching the sun
with your toes, and as funny as clowns and as delicious
as a giant piece of chocolate cake with a ton of ice cream
and whipped cream and two cherries on the top.
Now, I have told you some things about my writing
and I've asked you some questions about feelings and what you'd do
if you were in charge of the world.
So, now it's your turn if you have some questions you'd like to ask me.
Does anybody want to come up to mic and ask me a question?
Child Speaker: What would you do if you could take over the world?
Judith Viorst: What would I do if I could take over the world?
I would make peace on earth forever.
[applause] Child Speaker: What is your favorite book?
Judith Viorst: Oh you know,
when an author gets asked what her favorite book is,
it's like being asked, "Who's your favorite child?"
It's very hard to pick.
Each one is different, and some days one looks better than the other.
But all in all, I have to say about my books,
as I say about my kids, I love them all.
Child Speaker: Have you ever written about --
Judith Viorst: Can you help her so that I can --
Child Speaker: Have you ever written about a happy little purse dog?
Judith Viorst: I'm sorry, can someone help me?
I can't hear that question.
Child Speaker: Have you ever written anything
about a happy little purse dog?
Judith Viorst: About a happy little purse dog?
No I haven't, but I would love to read that book sometime.
Female Speaker: First off all,
thank you for keeping us hip even through 70.
[applause] Judith Viorst: Thank you.
Female Speaker: And since we were so busy raising our children
when you wrote probably the books of 40 and 50,
I hope we can still somehow get them.
I'm not sure.   Can we still get them?
Judith Viorst: Yeah.   They're still around.
Female Speaker: Thank you.
Judith Viorst: I'm a little further along than that.
Child Speaker: What inspired you to write about your sons?
Judith Viorst: Well, there I was in the house and there they were
in the house, and I was trying to be a mommy
and a writer at the same time.
So, I figured the best way to combine them was to write
about the people right in my house.
And so many different things happened to them
that it always seemed to me I could get a good story just
from watching my boys do their stuff.
Female Speaker: We have some on this side.
Judith Viorst: Oh, this is my granddaughter right there.
Is she going to ask a question?
Child Speaker: What was your favorite book to write?
Judith Viorst: Well Olivia, I guess -- [laughs] --
I've been asked that question once,
but since you're Alexander's daughter, I'm going to say --
don't tell your uncles Nick and Tony, I'm going say "Alexander."
[laughter and applause] Female Speaker:
Do your other sons get jealous or perturbed
that you wrote mostly about Alexander?
Judith Viorst: Do my kids do get jealous
that I write mostly about Alexander?
I think there've been a little competitive feelings about it.
I think they've been behaving more maturely as they got older.
And I think they used to persecute him about it when he was little.
But you know, competition between children never dies.
We have a second floor that is covered
with pictures of all my sons.
My sons are all middle-aged, and every time they come
to visit they all count and make sure there's an equal representation
for every son and every grandchild.   So we're still working on that.
Child Speaker: Why did you want
to be an author instead of anything else?
Judith Viorst: I wanted to be an author, I think,
first of all because my mom read books all the time
and I really loved my mom.
And I figured if she thought books were this wonderful,
I wanted to write books, too.   But when I started reading them,
I discovered that they were wonderful for their own sake.
And then I wanted to write them to make other people feel as good
as I did when I read them.
Child Speaker: How come you wanted to be a writer?
[laughter] Judith Viorst: Well I just sort of answered that question.
[laughter] But I think I always wanted to be a writer
and nothing else because writing also came very easily to me.
Every time I felt something or thought something,
I wanted to write it down.
And I figured that's what writers do, so that's how I became a writer.
Child Speaker: When you feel stressful or have any kind
of emotion, do you write it down?
Judith Viorst: Do -- when I have any emotions, do I write them down?
Yes. I think that what happens though, when you're a writer is,
you know, you don't write down sad, mad, angry, happy, scared;
you try to imagine ways of talking about it
that turn it into a poem or a story.
So you write down your feelings, but you kind of transform them.
You change them from something that's totally personal
and about you to something that other people will understand, too.
Child Speaker: Did you ever have a horrible day?
Judith Viorst: I'm sorry honey, I can't hear.
Female Speaker: Over there.   Judith Viorst: Oh, over here.
Yeah. Child Speaker: Did you ever have a horrible day?
Judith Viorst: Did I ever have a horrible day?
Child Speaker: Like Al?   Judith Viorst: You bet.
[laughter] Did you?   Child Speaker: Yes.
Child Speaker: Do your sons get along now?
Judith Viorst: [laughs] Alexander, do our sons get along now?
"Depends on the day," he says.
[laughter] Child Speaker: Are any of your books based
on your childhood memories?
Judith Viorst: A lot of -- that's a really good question.
I like that question, because one of --
certainly, one of things I'm using when I write about --
when I write my children's books is stuff from my own experience.
I remember what it was like to be a kid, and you know,
I have a book about Alexander who doesn't want to move.
Well the person who really didn't want to move in this world was me.
So the book, even though I write it about Alexander,
is basically more about me than Alexander.
Are we running out of time?   What does it say there?
No more time.   Thank you guys.
Thank you for coming.
[applause] [end of transcript] ??   ?? ?? ?? 2