>> From the Library of
Congress in Washington, D.C.
>> Let's do this thing.
You ready?
[applause] All right.
Let's get ready to Pastis!
All right.
Thank you for coming out to act
three of National Book Festival
for the Library of Congress,
Washington Post a charter sponsor,
also Small Press Expo which
is in two weeks in town.
So if you're around, if you're a
fan of comics you should go to that.
Feel free to move forward,
and by feel free I mean
please move forward.
[laughter] You know we expect
more bodies to be coming
in because Stephan is now that
popular so, and I mean that.
[laughter] It's, I've known
Stephan about a decade
and every time we see each other he
has more fans, so and I've got to go
through a bigger line to get to him.
But it is a real pleasure.
This year in programming
the festival--
last year was the first
graphic novel night.
This is the second one.
And this is the first year they let
me, actually let me help program it.
So when they said who do you want
to bring, I cal- I can't remember
if I got you drunk first
before I asked [laughter]
or if you got me drunk first, but he
said yes and then I knew we're in.
So yeah my name is Michael Cavna,
recovering syndicated cartoonist
and writer for the Washington Post.
My blog is Comic Riffs.
You can find it at
Washingtonpost.com/comicriffs.
And most of my most popular
stories that have nothing to do
with Donald Trump have something
to do with this man right here.
So let's just first of all a
big hand for Stephan Pastis.
Thank you.
[ Applause ]
>> Thank you.
>> Now, one thing I want to
talk about is what I've realized
with Stephan, and first
of all some of you are
"Pearls Before Swine" fans.
How many "Pearls Before Swine" fans?
[cheering] Okay.
All right.
How many-- Candlewick is
here, your publisher--
but how many "Timmy Failure" fans.
All right.
>> Yay.
>> No they're, they sound
like smaller hands was
the difference there.
So thank you all for coming out.
You know I think Stephan it was
years ago he asked me he said you
know am I the last person to make
it in doing newspaper comic strips
because I read them every day,
most of you probably read them
every day, and we need new blood.
And in fact I ran a story just this
week talking with Stephan talking
about the legacy strips, the strips
that are still drawn by the grandson
of the third cousin of
the original creator.
[laughter] Or are just reruns by
living creators gone vacation.
So the point is Stephan is, has
been, is such a proponent of it
and he's part of the lifeblood
of the comic strip form.
And you know I just want
to say to you, do you ever,
at this point you look at the
newspaper comics page and you,
do you ever say I made
the right decision
or you say I could've
gone into rock music?
>> [Laughs] That'd be
great to be a rock star.
No, I love what I do.
I mean I grew up a "Peanuts" fan.
You know the minute
I saw that I wanted
to do what Charles Shultz did.
>> Yeah.
>> I've never looked back.
It's such a unique art form.
You're in and you're out.
You tell a little joke
in three panels--
>> Yeah.
>> it's self contained.
And then the other part that's great
is it's one of the few art forms
where you have total control.
>> Um hum.
>> Total. I think a lot of
people think that my editor comes
down on me a lot more than
they do mostly 'cause I allude
to that in the strip [laughter].
>> Not that you create
that perception.
>> Yeah. It's really not true.
They don't do that very often.
So I'm on my own and it's great.
You know I was a lawyer for 10 years
and somebody was always
telling me what to do,
and now nobody tells me what to do.
And that's a great feeling.
>> You went from pre-law
school to pre-cartoon school--
>> Yeah.
>> And, no and one thing
you know I want to go
through your origin story a
bit because to me a key part
of beyond Stephan's incredible ear
for the right sound, his timing--
it can be deceptive how brilliant
in so few words his timing is.
His set ups.
His drawings, to take what look
like simple images and make them
so hu- you know so so funny.
There's so much he's doing,
but beyond that there's
the sense of transgression.
I think I always was in
the back of the classroom
with you as a boy doodling.
So just to start with
your origin story,
as a young man were you the good
little boy who secretly drew,
or were you the openly
naughty boy and--
>> That's easy to answer--
>> Okay.
>> Okay so when I graduated
from junior high,
they gave out awards you know
like they do in high school?
Most likely to succeed,
you know most intellectual.
I assume most of you had awards
like that in your schools.
So I got one you probably haven't
heard of which was most obnoxious.
[laughter] Then I graduated from
high school four years later
and became the only person
to win that award again!
[laughter]
>> They called, you
won it last year too.
>> Yeah. I was just always talking.
I mean I was always talking.
I was always goofing
around, you know?
And it was hard for the teacher
to come down on me because--
>> Yeah.
>> I got really good grades.
>> Yeah.
>> I just finished the work
and then I went, you know--
>> Yeah.
>> and goofed around.
>> Yeah.
>> So yeah, it was fun.
I don't know, if you're a creative
person your mind is always going--
>> Yeah.
>> and so if you're bored,
you don't just take it.
You, you talk and you
annoy everyone around you.
>> Yeah.
>> And that's what I did--
>> Yeah.
>> And so, yeah that's who I was.
>> So your goal now is
just to annoy the world?
>> Yeah.
>> By global domination.
No.
>> It's really crazy 'cause
you do that stuff at school--
>> Yeah.
>> and you get in trouble, you know?
>> Yeah.
>> I had a teacher pull
me by the ear all the way
to the back of the class.
>> Wow.
>> She was so angry and frustrated
with me, for good reason too.
[laughter] But now I
have that same attitude--
>> Yeah.
>> and people pay you
and go to book signings.
>> Yeah. And has any past teacher
ever shown up at a book signing
or any event and said
yeah [inaudible]--
>> I've heard from almost all
of my teachers, one by one.
Yeah.
>> And are they apologetic
or I was the teacher
that really knew your
genius all along?
>> [Laughter] They were apologetic,
they were all very
sweet and nice about it.
>> Okay.
>> But yeah I was definitely a pain.
I don't blame them, I was
a pain in class for sure.
Yeah.
>> Yeah. So you know,
you know I come from part
of my family half artists,
half lawyers,
so I can sort of feel your
pain about you go to law school
and you're doodling in
the margins and I believe,
was Rat born out of
the boredom of sitting
in lecture hall in law school?
>> Yeah.
>> Can you talk about that?
>> Yeah. I know the exact
room so if any of you ever go
to southern California on the
UCLA campus in the law school,
I took a class which at the time was
called European Economic Community,
now BEU, and I was
sitting in there one day
and I drew this little
stick figure rat.
And what is so weird about
this is I was just doodling
like I normally do, but on the
page after where I drew Rat,
I drew him again and I
wrote to my wife Staci,
to Staci, our ticket to the top.
>> Oh.
>> What a weird thing
to write on a doodle.
>> Do you still have that?
>> I do.
>> Wow.
>> Like I saw, like there
was some future to it.
I don't know why I did it.
>> You just felt it.
You knew on some level.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> And then what's really
weird is then you keep going
through those early notes--
I've never said this before--
but one of them shows Rat
pushing all those old crappy comic
guys aside.
[laughter] I'm not going
to say who they are.
[laughter] But it was so--
>> You've offended all of
them by now anyway so--
>> Yeah. But it was so weird.
>> Wow.
>> Why did I-- it's just a
strange-- but you know what it was?
He had some life.
He reflected how I felt.
>> Yeah.
>> He was the first character I did
where the artifice
wasn't overwhelming.
>> Yeah.
>> Where it was a real voice.
>> Yeah.
>> Sometimes you create a character
and you can see he has a life.
>> Yeah.
>> And sometimes you
create one and it sits dead.
And I knew Rat had life
>> Yeah.
>> So that's really weird.
>> You have said to me before,
and I'm paraphrasing wildly,
that sometimes-- and you
listen to the rock music,
part of it is to deaden part
of your brain while you
work if that makes sense.
>> Yeah.
>> To not think.
But part of the way you could remove
that artifice somehow if you're
in lecture hall, whatever's
happening, you're able to activate
that creative part of the brain
and silence that other part
of the brain or something like that.
>> I think that's true.
Yeah for those of you who
haven't heard me tell this story,
I have the most unique way to
create that I've heard of any
of the comic strip guys at least.
I put on extraordinarily
loud rock music.
They're are playlists that I have on
my iPhone and I effectively dance.
I prance around the room.
[laughter] And I don't
even want to see the paper.
In fact I put the paper
in the closet.
>> Yeah.
>> I'm telling myself you
don't really have to write.
This is just to relax.
>> Yeah.
>> And I listen to that music and
I listen and listen and listen,
and after about an hour
ideas start to come
and then I get out the paper--
>> Yeah.
>> and I start writing.
>> Yeah.
>> So for two reasons,
humor is rhythm.
It's all rhythm.
And the music gets me in that place.
And secondly I'm deadening
the left side of the brain,
the part that wants
to think logically.
>> Yeah.
>> I don't want to think through
humor, I want it to be spontaneous.
So I don't know if the theory is
right but it's how I do "Pearls",
it's how I write "Timmy".
I just love that.
>> Yeah.
>> And you don't know
what's going to happen.
>> Yeah.
>> It's so exciting.
>> Yeah.
>> It's-- I get a--
>> What artists are best, rock
artists, for deadening the brain?
>> [Laughter] Yeah.
So it's never--
>> If you were to do a playlist--
>> Yeah.
>> We're going to give
out mixed tapes here--
>> I will tell you this, so I
might've said this before, I,
so it's never happy music.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> There is no--
>> This isn't Pharrell.
>> No, there's no show tunes.
>> Okay.
>> My friend has called my
playlist music to kill yourself by.
[laughter] It's dark, you know?
It's like, it's like Pink
Floyd and Arcade Fire.
>> Yeah.
>> And it tends to be songs
that are moody and ethereal.
>> Yeah.
>> I don't even know if I
know what ethereal means
but I'm hoping you don't either so.
[laughter] Yeah.
And then it gets me in the space.
>> Yeah.
>> When you're really
creating, this is the truth,
and it's hard to explain this,
but for those of you who create
on a daily basis, hopefully
you will back me up,
when you are really creating,
when it's really going well,
you're not creating,
you're watching.
You're watching it come out.
You're the first to see it.
You have so little to do
with it it's remarkable.
And it is such a miraculous process.
It's like you get into the rhythm
of something bigger than you.
>> Yeah.
>> And it just comes out.
>> Yeah.
>> And on days where it doesn't come
out, you really force it and you--
>> Yeah.
>> and it's hard.
>> Yeah.
>> So on days where I
can't write, when I go home
to Staci I don't sya I
can't write anything,
I say I couldn't hear anything.
>> Hmm.
>> And I know that sounds weird
but it really is what happens, so.
>> Yeah, that makes sense.
So you spend a decade or so as
a-- this isn't like you just,
you draw a rat and then the next
week the syndicate says you know,
ahh.
>> Yeah.
>> I mean, you know you were
a lawyer for about a decade.
>> Yeah.
>> I mean you were
shuffling those documents and,
can you talk just a little bit
about your submitting and--
>> Yeah.
>> At first, well I will say
having worked for three syndicates,
you know it's almost like--
they call it a syndicate,
it's like the mafia.
>> Yeah.
>> I mean every cruel word
you apply, you submit,
you literally submit to a syndicate.
It's an act of submission--
>> Yeah.
>> to a syndicate, you're
confined to a small box, you,
it's all about gags, and if
you're lucky you get to live
in that box the rest of
your life buried alive.
>> Yeah.
>> And so it's sort of like kill-
the point is though, you wanted,
I felt that Charles
Shultz made it seem like--
>> Yeah.
>> you know, and others-- Walt
Kelly "Pogo", Bill Watterson--
>> Yeah.
>> And you had met
you know these people.
Can you talk a little bit that
you kept reaching for that carrot.
>> Yeah.
>> And what was it
like, that journey?
>> Yeah so I was a
lawyer for 10 years.
It was all litigation.
I mean I took 200 depositions you
know where you question people
under oath and the
whole bit and you'd go
to court and all of that stuff.
And if you really want to boo me, do
you know, you want to know what kind
of lawyer I was for those
of you who don't know?
Oh you're going to love this.
I defended big insurance companies.
[booing] [laughs] I'm
making up for it.
That's what this is for.
[laughter] And I hated it.
I hated every day.
It was terror, I hated it.
I was always scared I was
going to blow a deadline.
So I kept submitting stuff on
the weekends to the syndicates
and it kept getting rejected.
Everything got rejected.
But I got little notes,
little encouraging notes
from one editor at King Features.
And that kept me going.
His name was Jay Kennedy.
>> Jay Kennedy.
>> Those little letters
kept me going.
And so here's the part of
the story that I rarely tell
because my syndicate asks me not to
tell this [laughter] but they're,
they don't exist anymore
so screw them!
[laughter] When I was with
United Features, they signed me
and they committed to
putting me in papers.
And I had a launch date and I
started counting down the days.
I mean when that launch
date came and I was
in papers, I was quitting that day.
So 70 days, 60 days, 50
days, and we're coming close.
And when come really
close I get a call
from the editor at the syndicate.
Now remember, they've committed.
They signed a contract.
I'm going to newspapers.
And they said--
>> And you're an attorney.
>> Yeah.
>> And they said we
hate to tell you this,
but the salesman can't sell it.
>> Ugh.
>> It has no demographic.
[laughter] It's, so I said I don't,
I said I don't know what that means.
And they go it means
you're free to go.
And so I go, I'm done?
And they go you're done.
And so I went from seeing the
jail cell of my career open up--
>> Yeah.
>> And running around
free for a little while--
>> Yeah.
>> to having it closed again.
And it's much worse then.
So to make this even
worse, the Washington Post--
I've never told this part either--
>> Uh oh. You can t- stop camera.
[laughter]
>> Yeah. The Washington
Post has its own syndicate.
>> Yeah.
>> And they came out to California.
>> Yeah.
>> Have I ever told you this?
>> I--
>> They met with me.
>> This Washington
Post writer's group.
>> Yeah they met with me and they
said we really like your strip,
I think we're going to pick it up.
So I was like oh, I was saved.
And so I had, I had an out.
And all of the sudden they come
back when they fly back home,
they said we've changed our minds.
It was torture.
[laughter] So they went with a
different strip instead of mine
which sold to seven
papers and that was it.
And then it was done.
And I know the name of that
strip but I'm not going
to tell you the name of that
strip and I'm not bitter about it
but [laughter] [applause].
>> It's all behind you,
you've forgotten it.
>> So, I was, I was done.
I was done.
And this is such an ugly moment in
my career but I remember it so well.
I hung up with Amy, the editor--
>> Amy Lago who'd been at United--
>> Yeah, yeah--
>> [Inaudible]
>> and I, this is a law firm
but it's early in the morning
and I took my phone and I
smashed that phone to bits.
I smashed the handset in the thing.
And this poor lawyer in the next
office-- I knew he could hear it--
but you know it happens all the time
in lawyerdom so it
wasn't that weird.
[laughter] So, I just, I took
the pieces and I put them
in the trash can and I
walked to the supply closet
and I just got a new phone.
[laughter] So, but yeah
so I'm done completely.
I am done.
I'm out. I'm a lawyer again.
It's all over.
So all of the sudden a month
later, Amy comes back--
>> Yeah.
>> and she says we're going to try
something we've never tried before.
We're going to put you online and
we're going to see how you do.
And if you make it and you bring an
audience, we'll put you in papers.
So I said all right, let's do it.
And we signed a new contract.
And this time if they
backed out of it,
there was a gigantic penalty
provision that I stuck in there.
[laughter] So, starting
to think now.
>> That other half of
the brain's coming alive.
>> Yeah. So here's the
cool part of this story.
So they put me online
and it does okay.
It gets about 2000 hits
a day which isn't great
for the website, it was okay.
Had I maintained that pace, I
don't know what would've happened.
But on December 19th-- I'll
remember this forever--
>> '99? 2000?
2001?
>> '99.
>> '99.
>> Scott Adams--
>> Dilbert.
>> Dilbert creator,
writes to the syndicate
and tells them he thinks I'm
hilarious and he's going to tell all
of his readers to go read it.
>> And at that point Dilbert
was the rock star strips.
>> He's six number
one books in a row.
He's everything.
So Scott recommends me.
And on the day he recommends me--
they used to give you a hit chart,
how many hits a day-- it
went 2000 on a Tuesday,
2000 on a Wednesday,
78,000 on a Thursday.
It blew out everything.
>> Yeah.
>> So I got the email from Amy and
I ran upstairs to Staci and I said--
very prophetic words yet again--
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> I said, I don't know if I'm going
to make it, but if I ever made it,
this is the moment
where it happened.
Like I knew it.
I knew it!
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> Scott did it for me.
>> Yeah.
>> So every year I write
to Scott and I thank him.
Without Scott I'm not sitting here.
>> Yeah.
>> So I owe him my whole career.
So the numbers maintained
high and Amy agreed to put me
in papers and I launched in 2002.
>> Wow.
>> So crazy story.
>> Right? And Scott Adams, you both
live in the bay area so isn't that?
Yes. [applause]
>> Yeah.
>> Now, I first met Scott about '97.
I think Scott told me you only have
to wash his car every
other Saturday.
>> I do.
>> Is that-- okay.
[laughter]
>> I offered to trim his
hedges and wash his car--
>> Okay.
>> every year.
>> Okay.
>> Yeah.
>> While we'll do it and then we're
going to go to look at the strips,
we should get to, there's another
bay area cartoonist and Amy Lago,
now the Washington Post
Writer's Group Comics Editor,
my former editor, I believe
she was involved in this.
You met Sparky.
>> Yeah.
>> Charles Schulz, at the ice arena
that he would show up every day
at the puppy caf- what's
it, the puppy cafe?
>> Warm Puppy Cafe.
>> Warm Puppy Cafe?
>> Yeah.
>> And he would have his muffin.
So I just want to hear from you,
here's, you know, Charles Schulz,
he's not just a hero if you go--
if you go to a car- you know a
comic strip cartoons convention,
he's a God.
And you meet him.
But can you tell us
a little bit about--
>> Yeah.
>> how that happened?
>> So growing up, he's
completely my hero.
He's why I wanted to
be a cartoonist.
He's everything.
Any cartoonist that exists now
on the comics page exists
really because of "Peanuts".
That was everything.
The pacing, the tone.
You don't realize it, but if
you go back and look at strips
from the 30's and 40's,
way over the top slapstick.
Every character in the last panel
has to end by going like that
with a big exclamation point.
Sparky changed all that.
And also like Bob Dylan
did for rock,
you could talk about deeper things.
Schulz did that too.
>> Yeah.
>> So if I had one hero
in life it was Shultz
and my goal was to meet him.
So my wife was from Santa
Rosa where Shultz's studio was
and I read in a newspaper article--
>> Yeah.
>> the SF Gate or something like
that, they said that he showed
up every morning at this cafe
and he had an English muffin.
And I was like oh my
God, this is my chance.
>> To stalk.
>> Yes, to stalk him.
[laughter] So I asked Staci
for directions to the cafe.
This is when I was still a lawyer.
And I took off a day from being a
lawyer and I drove up to the cafe.
It's attached to a giant ice rink.
I am the only person in the
cafe and no one shows up.
And so I figure the
newspaper article was wrong,
he's on vacation, you
know who knows?
He's not here.
So I wait.
I wait a whole hour and at
the end of the hour in a door
on the far side of the room in walks
this guy with all this white hair.
>> Yeah.
>> And it's Charles Shultz.
And I don't know who your hero
is in your life, or heroes,
but if you combine them
all into one person,
that's-- Sparky was that for me.
So I'm almost shaking, and sure
enough he gets his English muffin.
>> Yeah.
>> And I wait for him to finish his
English muffin and when he's done,
I walk-- how odd must I
have looked by the way?
I'm not eating a thing.
[laughter]
>> Two hours--
>> Yeah. It's only me and him
so, this is really stalking.
So I wait 'til he's done and I
walk across the room and I kneel
at the side of his table [laughter]
and I say-- oh it gets worse.
In the worst opening line
ever I said hi Mr. Shultz,
my name is Stephan
Pastis and I'm a lawyer.
[laughter] His face turns white.
Shultz thinks he's being
served with a subpoena.
[laughter] So I see it on his face
and I quickly go no
no but I also draw.
I draw on the side.
And he goes do you have
your stuff with you?
And I did, it was in the car.
And he goes, go bring it in.
So I walk out and I have these
comic strips and I bring them in
and he spends an hour with me.
>> Wow.
>> I am a nobody.
I'm a lawyer.
I have nothing to do
with the profession.
He commented on all of the strips.
He helped me.
It was such an amazing experience.
And in a, this is the part of the
story I don't normally tell either--
>> Please.
>> Yeah I'll tell it now.
[laughter] He opened the San
Francisco Chronicle and he went
through every strip and he asked
me what I thought of each one.
And I figured they were his friends
so I was going to play it safe.
>> Yeah.
>> So I would compliment them.
>> Yeah.
>> And Shultz would say huh uh--
>> Wow.
>> that's not a good one.
He goes didn't you notice how
she does this or didn't you--
>> Yeah.
>> And I'm not going to
say which ones they are,
but you know what strips these are
and Schulz was ripping
on every one of them.
There were only two he
complimented, very strangely.
>> Yeah.
>> One was an old one
called "Rose is Rose".
>> Sure.
>> Do you remember that one?
>> Sure.
>> And another one was "Mutts".
Do you guys know "Mutts"?
[applause]
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah, wow.
>> All the rest of
them, not so much.
[laughter] So it was great
and we took a picture in front
of the fireplace with
Snoopy on it and it was one
of the highlights of my life.
>> Wow.
>> Yeah.
>> Wow, congr- that's amazing.
So now your career's about--
thanks to Scott Adams and Sparky
your career is about to take off.
So let's look at here you drew this.
See we are the first, I just want to
show everyone, we're the first stop
on this tour of people chase
pitchforks chasing him, his avatar,
you know around the Midwest and the
south towards the west and Denver.
So and this is what appeared last--
what was it last week in the Post?
>> Did you guys all see this?
>> Yeah! [laughter]
>> It ran in the paper.
>> This is really, I got to tell
you something about this profession.
This is really, you wouldn't
have a reason to know this
but I'm going to tell you.
This is really cheating.
[laughter] You are not allowed to
promote yourself in your strip.
>> Yeah.
>> You are not allowed
to promote appearances
and you are not allowed
to promote books.
>> Yeah.
>> Newspaper editors
around the country,
some of them take this crap very
seriously 'cause they see it
as marketing.
So they will come down on you.
But I pose a very big problem,
because I am a character
in the strip.
[laughter]
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> So I don't think
they know what to do.
[laughter]
>> Yeah, yeah.
>> So here I just,
I promoted the event
and I got away with it, so yeah.
>> Yeah, yeah.
And we said it was running in the
Post so you should run it too, so.
>> Yeah.
>> And thank you again
for doing that.
So let's see.
So this is the, you can see
the primordial Pearl here.
>> So let me say something
before you read this.
Go back to the last one and then
I'll read it so they don't see it.
I just want to tell you
a really weird thing
with the Washington Post.
The Washington Post is one of the
hardest newspapers in the country
for any cartoonist to get.
You can go years and years and
years and finally you're established
and maybe the Post will take you.
I've had that experience with
other papers like the LA Times.
But the Post, right when I
launched, had a strip going out,
and so they asked if we would
give them a week of strips
and they would run my strips for
a week before I even launched,
and then they would start
on the regular date.
i.e. the Washington Post
was buying the strip.
That almost never happens
for a new strip.
And because it was the
Post, I did a week of strips
for them that only they saw.
No other reader in any
other paper saw it.
So my one and only debit
paper was the Post.
And this next strip
was the very first one.
Pig says what are you watching?
Boy they look so much different.
This just-- I don't
know if you notice that,
but for me it drives me crazy.
[laughter] Pig says
what are you watching
and Rat says the bull
fighting channel, nothing
but bull fighting 24 hours a day.
And Pig says that's a lot of bull.
[laughter] You never know what's
going to set that guy off.
I-- [laughs] I like, i was so,
my very first strip I
telegraphed the word you know what.
>> Yeah.
>> If they didn't know trouble
was coming, they knew now.
>> Yeah. I think you
announced yourself--
>> Yeah.
>> as the future so.
Let's see if it goes-- okay.
And again, I like that with the
previous one [inaudible] okay the
art- the transgression.
To me this one showed
Stephan's shameless wordplay.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Do you want me to read it?
Will we still be friends
when we're old?
Rat says no.
Pig says why not?
And Rat says by that time
I will be very famous
and will have left you far behind.
And Pig says you mean
I'll be Garfunkel?
>> And he says yes and I will not
be your bridge over troubled waters.
[laughter]
>> It, and so it begins.
>> You know what makes
me sad about that?
>> What's that?
>> What if Art Garfunkel
read that strip?
>> I bet you he has.
[laughter] I bet you he has.
>> All right.
>> I'm surprised he
hasn't reached out.
And again this is one where again
it seems like you are sort of,
you're channeling something here.
>> Yeah. Kinda.
It looks terrible.
Pig says, what are you doing?
Rat says listing my top
10 priorities in life.
And Pig says what are they?
And Rat says number one, be
rich, number two, be famous.
That's where I got stuck.
[laughter] Yeah.
>> So that was the early--
>> Oh, you're going
to tell this story!
>> Now as we move along-- well what
I want to talk about is that you s-
you know co- newspaper editors,
comic editors at newspapers--
>> Yes.
>> I mean we, Stephan poses
one of the toughest challenges
because he plays with that
language so carefully to try to,
again the transgression
is to try to get it in.
And I think was in, may
have been in response to--
>> Yeah.
>> the most recent you know
this sort of [inaudible] thing
with what you could get away with.
So can you talk about this one?
>> Yeah yeah.
Yeah so I'll read it really quick
but then I'll tell
you what the story is.
Goat just says where are you
taking me and Rat says remember
when the word stewardess
became flight attendant?
Yeah. And secretary became
administrative assistant
and maid became housekeeper and
midget became little person?
>> Oh and we couldn't run that.
>> No don't tell them,
don't say it yet.
>> Okay, okay.
[laughter]
>> And Goat says yeah so?
And Rat says so this is the
guy who decides all that.
Behold, I am Willy the Word Decider.
I kind of got that by
George Bush by the way.
>> Yeah.
>> So it says so how do
you decide all that Willy?
I don't know.
Well that seems kind of stupid.
Stupid is out, smartless is in.
We should do something about Willy.
Don't be smartless.
[laughter] Okay, what word do you
think the Post, and only the Post--
no other paper in the
United States did this--
what word do you think
the Post took out of that?
>> Midget.
>> Yeah. Is little
person that much better?
I don't know how this works.
[laughter] And the, but the
weird, the dumb part about that is
that was the point of the strip.
>> Yes.
>> So now what I do, now what I do--
you know you sometimes see me use
that comic strip censor guy?
>> Yeah.
>> See, that's how I get
one over on the editors.
>> Yes.
>> 'Cause what I do now is
now I do a really edgy word
and then I have the comic
strip censor come down on me.
It's like a little subliminal thing
to the editor, like if you come
down on this strip you're that guy.
[laughter] So you might've
seen one a few weeks ago,
and I can't believe
I got away with this.
This shocked me.
The censor wanted to bury the
hatchet with Rat and he wasn't going
to come down on him hard anymore.
He was going to be easy on him.
And so Rat said great
let's celebrate,
I'll take you to this
Japanese place.
And then the censor says
oh what should I eat here?
I don't know anything.
And Rat says eat shitake--
>> Yes.
>> mushrooms.
[laughter]
>> Oh that was discussed.
>> I cannot believe I said
eat S on the comics page--
>> Yes.
>> and it made it through.
I was so proud of that.
>> Yeah, no, I won't tell you
what jobs were lost over that.
What I will say is we,
the Post got a letter
from the Little Person's Society
of America or something like that,
and they said to the comic
setter on this, thank you,
at least someone understood
why midget is offensive to us.
So we got one letter and you got--
>> Yay.
>> the other.
>> You guys have to know something,
you have to know something,
there is a group that represents
every interest you guys can
think of.
Jeff the Cyclist shows up,
out comes every cycling group.
I did that Turkish strip years ago,
out comes every Turkish American
organization to get on me.
If I do a strip making fun
of polka, I get a letter
from the Polka Association
of America.
[laughter] And they're not
intentionally funny letters
[laughter] but I love them.
They're great.
So if an organization does that
to me and they come down hard,
that is so fun to keep
doing it 'cause--
>> Yeah.
>> they keep sending letters.
I get such a-- I think they
think they're affecting me,
and they are but in the other way.
[laughter]
>> Other way, yeah.
>> I just do more.
It's so encouraging, so.
>> And who said you
had no demographic?
>> Yeah.
>> You have every demographic.
>> You know what I do?
This shows you, I mean at this point
after 15 years you feel a
little more bulletproof.
>> Yeah.
>> So in the beginning you're
so scared of every complaint.
>> Yeah.
>> Now what I do is I go to Google
and then I go Google News and I put
in the name of the strip-- I
really do this every month.
I put in the name of the strip and I
look for the letters to the editor--
>> Yeah.
>> complaining.
And when they're not there,
that day I write a strip
that will get complaints.
[laughter] 'Cause I feel like
I'm letting everybody down.
So, yeah.
>> So I want to get into the arc
just a little bit how both using
other people's characters
and you here, but also how,
so somehow you're doing
a double hit here going
after both Cathy Guisewite
and your own wife.
>> Yeah.
>> So could you share a
little bit about that?
>> Yeah. Oh this is a good one.
Stephan Pastis' wife has left him--
I know you're going to
have questions about that.
As a result he has
started dating again.
And so I say to some
woman you can't see,
listen I had a wonderful
time tonight
but I'm not sure we're a good
fit and she says what's wrong?
And I say well don't take this
the wrong way but you're kind
of a worrier and physically
you're not really my type.
And she says what do
you mean by that?
And I say well no offense but
you're a little out of shape
and your hair's a bit stringy.
And she says is that so?
Anything else you'd like to add?
And I say you have no nose.
[laughter] And then
you see that it's Cathy
and she says please
don't draw on my face.
And I say but it looks
so much better.
Yeah.
>> Your wife, Cathy Guisewite--
>> All right, where do I start?
Okay so, did my wife leave me?
No she did not.
[laughter] I know sometimes
she wants to--
>> Yeah.
>> But the story behind that is--
Staci would deny this but it is
true-- Staci does not read my comic.
So that gave me license to do
what I'm going to tell you next
which was you know, do you guys
watch "Curb Your Enthusiasm"?
>> Yeah!
>> Okay. So you know how Larry
David kind of plays himself
but you don't really know is he
really a sociopath in real life?
Like where does the
fictional Larry end
and you know the other one start?
So I thought, I'm a character in
here, a lot of this stuff is real,
but what if I play around with it
and sometimes I say stuff
happens that didn't happen?
>> Yeah.
>> So I did the strips and then
knowing Staci would not read it,
I said to her you just got to know
in about seven months 'cause
that's how far ahead I am--
in seven months we get divorced,
you kick me out of the
house, I live on the porch.
And being Staci and knowing
me she goes great, whatever.
She didn't care.
[laughter] And she
didn't think twice.
Just me being me.
Okay, fast forward seven months.
Seven months pass and Staci
gets a telephone call.
[laughter] It's from a real
estate agent who sold us our house
on a very big commission and
wanted another commission
and saw one coming because
we were getting divorced.
[laughter] So she said, I just want
you to know Staci I'm here for you,
I'll help you through
the whole thing.
Staci has no idea what
she's talking about.
>> Yeah, yeah.
>> So she thinks fast and she goes
are you reading the comic strip?
And she said yeah, yeah.
And she goes yeah,
that's just a comic strip.
[laughter] So it was great and so
then the same week we get an email
from our accountant,
he was on her side,
he wanted to know what
he could do for her.
[laughter]
>> So you could see how
this would play out?
>> Yeah, not one person
took my side.
So, so yeah, so I get that
question all of the time.
So let me tell you the
Cathy story for those of you
who haven't heard this because
I do get asked this a lot.
When I make fun of
those other comics,
does it hurt their
feelings or offend anybody?
The truthful answer is really no.
Everybody's a really good sport.
The Family Circus guys are great.
[laughter] That's another story,
but there was one person I did annoy
and it was Cathy Guisewite.
And it's my fault.
>> Creator of the strip
Cathy [inaudible].
>> Here is what I did,
this is totally my fault.
I had a little character named Dicky
the Cockroach who when you talked
and talked and talked and you
had nothing of importance to say,
he pulled your head off your
shoulders in a very nonviolent way
and he shoved it into a closet
so you couldn't talk anymore.
And so I had him, I had
him do it with Cathy.
That's not the mean part.
[laughter] The mean part
is I commented that Cathy,
once she had lost her head
and could no longer talk,
that the strip became funnier.
[laughter] Yeah, I know.
Okay so fast forward about a year.
I do another strip
where Cathy Guisewite,
the creator not the cartoon
character, Cathy Guisewite--
I'm going to use a euphemism--
was sort of playing naked twister
with some other cartoon
creators in my comic.
And so this is not the character,
so I put my little lawyer hat on
and a different legal
standard may apply.
So I actually need
permission to do this.
So I get her number
from the syndicate,
and I have never spoken
to her before.
So I call her and I say Ms.
Guisewite, my name is Stephan Pastis
and I do the comic strip
"Pearls Before Swine"
and there is three seconds of utter
silence [laughter] followed by,
I know who you are.
[laughter] Then I have to say,
oh well listen, I'm doing a strip
where you're playing naked
twister in the comic.
And she goes, the character?
And I go, uh no, you.
[laughter] And so she goes,
you're not doing that.
And I said no I'm not doing it.
And she's, no you're
not going to run that.
And I said really?
And she said you're
not going to run it.
I was so shocked because no
one had ever said no before.
>> In his life.
>> Yeah, 'cause I had
never asked before.
This is why you don't ask.
So I said I, and she goes no
you're not going to run the strip.
And so I hang up and what
I don't say to her is
that I have already submitted
it to the syndicate [laughter].
So my syndicate has to get on
the phone with every editor
in every paper that I run
in in the United States
and get the comic strip
pulled, one by one by one.
Enormous amount of
labor to get this done.
So you fast forward about, whatever
it is, six months or whatever it is
when the strip's going to
run and I get a call at home
from the editor of
the Washington Post--
>> Yes.
>> I don't even know
how she has my number.
>> Yeah.
>> This is a very rare thing.
I'm thinking something--
>> Oh we all have your number.
>> And she says I got to tell you,
the Friday strip that's
coming up is hilarious.
Okay so there was a Friday strip, it
was still the Cathy thing but I took
out Cathy and I put in
Scott Adams the creator
of Dilbert 'cause I knew
Scott wouldn't mind.
And I said, and she said
the strip's hilarious.
And I said oh good, so just
tell me what you're looking at.
And she said oh with Cathy
playing naked twister.
And I said you have that?
And she said yeah we pull it from
an electronic bulletin board.
And I said oh my god, it's out.
>> Yeah.
>> So now my syndicate has to call
Cathy and beg and plead and be nice
and please don't sue,
we tried to get this
out of every single paper we could.
>> Yeah.
>> So the strip runs, she
doesn't sue, that's okay.
>> Yeah.
>> Very last part of this
story, couple years later
"Pearls" is nominated
for best comic strip
at our annual event
called the Reubens.
And so it's a big black tie affair.
>> The Oscars of comics.
>> Yeah. The Oscars of comics.
And so I'm nominated.
And so I'm sitting there eagerly
waiting and then my award is called
and guess who the presenter is?
[laughter] So, I had never
met her face to face.
>> And she has the microphone,
she can say anything.
>> Yeah.
>> So she calls me up on
the stage and it's a huge--
>> Yeah.
>> and she's not going to
do anything on the stage,
everyone can see, we're in suits--
so but when you're done on stage--
>> Yeah.
>> the two of you walk off to a
little room, just the two of you
so they could take photos.
So she is not talking to me.
We get all the way there and when
we get there and they're done
with the photos, she's
then-- she's really short--
she kind of tugs on my shirt as
though she has something to say
and so I lean down to hear
and the only thing she says
is, I am so proud of you.
>> Wow.
>> And it melted me.
>> Yeah.
>> With one little gesture-- she
could've lectured me all day.
>> Yeah.
>> But by being sweet, we
became friends forever.
>> Yeah.
>> And so now she's great.
When I did the last book tour,
the first stop was in Pasadena,
she drove an hour to come
and be at the book stop.
So she's wonderful.
>> Yeah.
>> Isn't that crazy?
>> That's a great story.
[applause] So, has she
appeared in the strip
or have you played
naked twister with--
>> Have I played with--
>> with her?
>> That's a story for
another day, Mike.
>> Has she appeared
in the strip since?
>> Yeah, she has many times.
And--
>> So that didn't soften
you so much?
>> Well the thing that's, you
can do what, you can make fun
of any character you want.
When you make fun of writing--
>> Yeah.
>> that's a personal thing.
>> Yes, absolutely.
>> And I wouldn't do that.
>> Yeah.
>> Anymore, so.
[laughter]
>> Well I want to get to--
>> Yeah.
>> I want to get to how leaving
your wife here, say anything--
>> Yeah.
>> how leaving Staci led to one
of your next career highlights.
>> Oh yeah so I say
Staci, Staci take me back,
I don't want to live
without my wife.
And look, I'm even recreating
that romantic scene from the movie
"Say Anything" for you and she
says but I don't hear any music.
And I say that's because
it's a recording
of me reciting my favorite
"Pearls" puns strips.
It's so hard to woo her.
>> Nice.
>> Yeah. So this is key.
This is a pivotal strip.
>> Oh this is very pivotal.
>> [Inaudible] if you'll--
>> Okay so newly single
Stephan tries picking up--
this is where they have
trouble with me by the way.
[laughter] Newly single
Stephan tries picking up women.
I couldn't help but notice
you're reading the comics page,
you know I draw a comic strip.
Oh yeah, which one?
And I think about it, ever
heard of Calvin and Hobbs?
That was wrong.
Yeah. Yeah.
>> So this leads to a key event.
I think I had emailed Mr.
Will Watterson creator
of Calvin and Hobbs at this point.
I don't know if you guys
had-- you hadn't spoken,
you guys have never communicated
or played any form of
twister or anything?
So that leads to last year--
>> Oh yeah.
>> last June suddenly a mystery man
is helping to draw a week of Pearls.
Can you talk--
>> Yeah.
>> a bit about that?
>> Yeah. So I go on
tour to Cleveland, Ohio.
That's where Bill Watterson lives.
And I had this dream that
maybe one day I could meet him.
>> Should we say he was, is
reclusive as anyone gets.
>> For those of you that don't
know, nobody has met Bill Watterson.
He is the Greta Garbo, JD Salinger,
Howard Hughes of cartooning.
>> There hasn't been a new public
photo of him in like 20 years.
>> Yeah, if you Google Image
him right now on your phone,
there are two photos
of him in existence.
That is hard to do
in the internet age.
>> Yeah.
>> He is gone.
He is disappeared.
You don't meet him.
So I was going through
Cleveland and I knew someone,
the Washington Post
cartoonist Nick Galifianakis--
>> Um hum.
>> who was doing a book
with Bill Watterson.
So I said to Nick, is there any
way-- I know this is a long shot,
but is there any way he'd
have coffee or something?
So Nick said well I can ask, so
he asked and the answer was no.
[laughter] Smart guy.
So I just went on with the
tour, I came back home.
When I came back home Nick
said well did you write to him?
And I said no you know he
didn't want to meet me,
I figured he didn't
want an email either.
He goes no, write to him.
So I wrote to him and I said what
a huge influence he was on me
and I said I don't know if you
saw this strip and I showed him--
will you show that last strip again?
>> Yeah.
>> I said I don't know if you saw
this [laughter] but I included that.
And--
>> So every cartoonist you've
met you've drawn them or referred
to them, made fun of them
before you've met them.
>> That is true, yeah.
>> Okay.
>> Yeah that is true.
>> Okay.
>> So I sent him that
and I just thanked him
for being a big influence and
here's what I was hoping for.
I was hoping that Bill Watterson
would write back and say thank you.
And I would take that email
and I would print it out
and I would frame it right
above my drawing desk
because nobody hears
from Bill Watterson.
So that's--
>> And he hadn't created a public
strip for public art in 20 years.
>> Yeah. So that's
all I'm hoping for.
And I get a response back.
And what Bill says is, first
he comments on that strip.
[laughs]
>> Oh this one?
>> Yeah.
>> What did he say?
>> And he says, he says oh yeah
that happens to me all the time.
[laughter] I've never
said that publicly.
But yeah, so he, so
great sense of humor.
>> Yeah.
>> And so he said thank you, you
know thanks for all the kind words
and then out of left field
he says hey, I have an idea,
what would you think if I came out
of retirement and drew your strip?
>> 20 years!
And to Stephan.
>> So, I think that Nick
Galifianakis, my fellow Greek--
>> Yes.
>> is setting me up.
So I write back and what it says is,
I write back to Watterson with this
and I say Dear Nick,
you slimy little Greek.
If you think I am stupid
enough to fall for this,
you are as dumb as you look.
[laughter] Then I write, and in the
event this really is Bill Watterson,
Dear Bill, I will do
anything you want
to do including setting
my hair on fire.
[laughter]
>> [Inaudible]
>> And all of the sudden it's born.
He wants to draw the strip.
>> Yeah.
>> He said just come up with the
premise for how I get in there.
>> Yeah.
>> So I came up with this little
girl named Libby who's always making
fun of what a crappy cartoonist
I am and it finally gets to me
and so I invited her to
draw the strip herself.
>> Okay.
>> And when she does
it, it's Watterson.
>> Um hum.
>> So there's a couple--
>> Do you notice a stylistic
shift in this strip at any point?
[laughter]
>> Yeah. So there's a couple of
things here, there were conditions.
Watterson said no one
can know until it's over.
Nobody can know.
So when the Saturday
strip runs, you can say.
But until that, not
a word to anybody.
So I emailed Mike--
>> Yeah.
>> and I go Mike, I have
the scoop of your lifetime.
>> Yeah. And--
>> And you cannot reveal this
until Saturday at midnight.
>> You said Monday and I
talked you into Saturday.
>> Oh yeah right.
And I mean midnight,
not a minute before.
>> Yeah, yeah.
And I had met Bill a year before a
few feet from here under the cover
of darkness so, I guess
so I couldn't get a photo.
>> Yeah. So we collaborate.
So I go back and forth
with Bill Watterson.
We, I get to, it's so crazy, there
was a word in here I changed.
I don't know-- oh it
was the swear squiggles.
He said something and
I changed something.
And so when I wrote to
him with the change--
>> Yeah.
>> I said, man, before I
say this let me say I feel
like a street urchin giving
recommendations to Michelangelo
about David, but let me say this,
and I gave him my little
suggestion and he took them.
And we worked together.
I was working with Watterson.
>> You were editing Bill Watterson.
>> I was, I guess so.
But here's what's really weird
and I've never told this
part of the story either.
Bill said draw your part, send
it to me, I'll draw my part,
I'll send it back to you.
We'll sell the strips to charity.
We'll give them to
charity and raise money.
>> Yeah.
>> And I said charity, great.
Do not send me anything.
Those are going to be worth
tens of thousands of dollars.
I have a UPS guy who leaves
my packages out on the front,
you know on the driveway.
I'm going to drive over it,
it's going to get rained on.
So he goes, I don't
know how else to do it.
I said you just, I'll draw
my part, I'll mail it to you.
Draw your part and scan it, just
scan your part in the computer
so all I see is a file
on the computer.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> And he goes I don't
have a scanner.
And I go you don't have anything?
He goes I have something really old.
>> Yeah.
>> So I said well anything you have.
So he does it on an old scanner.
Okay God bless Bill Watterson, he
took the paper, Bill Watterson,
and he put it on the scanner like
that, kind of crooked, right?
All you have to do is go like this.
[laughter] Him doing that,
that's four hours for me to fix.
But he's Bill Watterson
so I can't say anything.
But even worse, when he does the
scanner he gets the settings wrong
so that all the pencil lines show.
So you know that drawing?
Imagine two of those drawings laid
over each other like
a shadow drawing.
>> Yeah.
>> When you have to get rid of the
second line, that takes forever.
But it's Bill Watterson.
>> You don't want to
be ungrateful, yeah.
>> So you just say thank you--
>> Yeah.
>> and spend the whole
day cleaning--
>> Yeah.
>> up the lines.
>> Yeah. If you get 10
commandments doubled over as 20,
you don't complain, yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah so anyways, long
story short we do it,
we keep the secret, they come out.
This one comes out.
Show the next one, do
you have the next one?
>> Yeah.
>> So this is great, I got
to come up with my dream
of what I wanted Watterson to draw.
I said I want robots,
I want space ships,
do your own version of Rat and Pig.
So he did all of that.
So by this point, this
is a Thursday.
Everyone is guessing at who this is.
>> Yeah.
>> They think it's Watterson because
of the shoes in the last strip.
>> Yeah.
>> I don't know how
that's a telltale.
And then because I'm so vain,
I said and can you draw me.
Oh you missed, you left it out.
>> No, there--
>> There I am!
[laughter] Yeah.
And I said can you have all
these hot women all over me?
And little did I know he was going
to Archie comics in the panel.
So that really threw people off.
Then they weren't sure
it was Watterson anymore.
>> Yeah, [inaudible].
>> And so then I do the last strip
and I, so anyways when this comes
out on this Saturday Mike
reveals the story and it explodes.
>> Um hum.
>> The blog is the number one read--
my story of it, the number
one read blog in the world.
>> And you crashed your
syndicate's website.
>> Yeah the syndicates
servers crash.
It is on the front page
of the Washington Post
and the New York Times,
the Today Show.
It is the biggest story I
have ever been a part of.
And all of the requests come
to me to interview Watterson.
>> Yeah.
>> And I've been instructed
in advance what to do.
>> Yeah.
>> Which is to say no
to every one of them.
So I say no, and when these
strips were appearing,
I was with Watterson
here in Washington,
D.C. So I got to spend two days
with him just coincidentally
when these ran 'cause he was coming
here to meet with Richard Thompson.
And so I got to ask him everything
I've ever wanted to ask him.
And just seeing him in
the room was such a rush.
It was such a rush to see he
didn't look like that cheesy guy
in the photos from 20 years
ago with that weird mustache.
[laughter] But it was great.
It was one of those things
like the thing with Schulz.
>> Yeah.
>> It was one of the
honors of my life.
>> Yeah.
>> So yeah.
>> And you and I took the stage a
couple days before announcing that
and the whole time all
I was thinking was,
don't say Watterson,
don't say Watterson.
>> Yeah.
>> Don't say Watterson.
But what a career.
And you donated, the
strips were sold to charity.
You know Richard Thompson,
the creator of Cul de Sac
has Parkinson's Disease
and Bill Watterson is an enormous
fan of Richard Thompson's and so
that money that you
guys raised together--
>> Yeah.
>> went for Parkinson's research.
>> $75,000 for those three
pieces of paper, yeah.
>> Yeah. Yeah.
So, absolutely.
[applause]
>> Yeah [inaudible].
>> So I, I'm not, I think I
just got [inaudible] oh no,
this is the photo I took of Bill
Watterson when we got together.
So I don't know what happened.
>> You know you're not really,
you're not really told this
but it's understood that you kind
of don't take your cell phone--
>> Yeah.
>> out of your pocket because
you could take a picture of him.
>> Yeah.
>> [Inaudible].
I was so tempted to act like I was
just Googling something randomly--
>> Yeah. Yeah.
>> And go click.
Click. But I didn't do it.
>> Yeah, yeah.
So I want to make sure to
get to "Timmy Failure"--
>> Yes.
>> because you, this is something
where you know you wanted
to write prose, you wanted
to be able to do this
and you come up with this character.
I mean you have a sense of-- well
talk about what inspired this.
>> Yeah, a book agent called me.
His mom was a big fan of "Pearls"
and he said would you be
interested in writing a kid's book?
And I said I just don't
have the time.
And he called back six
months later and asked again,
I said I still don't have the time.
And he called back a third
time and I had the time.
And so I said yeah, let me try it.
And I wanted to do one, a
little kid who was a detective
because when I was a kid I read
the "Hardy Boys" and "Nancy Drew"
and "Encyclopedia Brown"
and all those kids were
always super brilliant.
So I thought wouldn't it be funny
to have a little kid who's a
detective who was a total moron?
[laughter] And simultaneously
really arrogant.
That's a theory I ha- that's a--
>> Yeah.
>> to me the key to comedy is what
they is called the blind spot.
The distance between
who you think you are
and who others think you are.
>> Yeah.
>> So the Ricky Gervais character in
the British version of "The Office",
that's a good example of that.
So that's how I made him.
I gave him a big fat polar bear
as a sidekick and books took off.
>> Yeah.
>> And the fourth one
comes out in October.
And now believe it or not,
Stephan Pastis tours
schools with little kids.
It's crazy.
I'm influencing minds everywhere.
>> Right. So you went--
>> Yeah.
>> from being pulled
on the ear out of class
to now you are America's youth
and soon the world's youth--
>> Yeah.
>> you are, and you're working
on number five right now.
>> Right.
>> And this is a bestseller.
I mean you guys, these, kids,
you've found a sweet spot.
>> Yeah it's been translated
into 35 different languages.
So now I get to tour
Australia and England
and the whole bit, and
I have a great time.
I feel so, I feel so-- I know how
fortunate I am because I had a job
that I hated and I know
that this is not a job.
This is something fun.
I know the difference between
a job and what I do now.
>> Yeah.
>> And the fact that I get to do
it and somebody pays me for it--
>> Yeah.
>> I know how lucky I am.
You'll never hear me
complain about this job.
>> Yeah.
>> It's the greatest thing ever.
>> Yeah. And Sta- does
Staci read "Timmy Failure"?
>> She does.
She loves them.
>> Okay.
>> She really is engaged.
>> Okay. All right.
>> You know what I do?
I have my kids read them
the minute I'm done.
>> Yeah.
>> And I, they hate this-- I have
them read it right in front of me.
And I wait for them to laugh.
And if they don't laugh, I go
what's wrong with that page?
[laughter] So, but
based on their feedback,
if they laugh at something, I
will fight to keep that in there
if the editor has a problem with it.
>> Yeah.
>> And if they don't
laugh, I'll fix it.
But my kids are really my editors.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> So I wanted to say,
there's something, again,
with Timmy Failure, with
Pearls, there's a commonality.
I mean it's, you know humor
can be cruel, that gap,
that blind spot can be cruel.
But you hit, you hit
that sweet spot.
What do you, how do you tap that?
Does it just, it lives in you?
>> I wish I knew.
I do the same thing I
do when I do Pearls.
I turn on really loud rock music
and I write as fast as I can.
I don't outline.
>> Yeah.
>> This current book
I've done in five weeks.
I go very fast.
>> Wow.
>> I have a very rough idea but
I don't, I just see what's there.
>> Yeah.
>> I don't, I think creatively if
you depend on your subconscious--
>> Yeah.
>> it's so much more brilliant.
>> Yes.
>> Just let it fly.
Don't--
>> Yeah.
>> tamp it down and--
>> Yeah.
>> that's what I do when
I write and I don't know.
And then sometimes oddly enough
when you write that way, you go back
and you see connections--
>> Yeah.
>> that your brain made
but you weren't aware of.
>> You weren't conscious of, sure.
>> Yeah. I don't know.
I don't know what I'm doing.
>> So for, since he's younger do you
listen to Justin Bieber, or what--
>> No.
>> deadens the brain better?
>> You know what I listen to?
You guys are going to laugh--
>> Okay.
>> there's a really good Doors
version of Who Do You Love.
>> Sure.
>> That song, I play it so
loud when I write "Timmy"--
>> Yeah.
>> and it gets me going.
>> Wow.
>> There's a rhythm to
it that gets me going.
>> Wow.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> It's weird.
>> Well I just want to say first,
congratulations on all your success
with both these [inaudible].
>> Well thank you.
Thank you thank you thank you.
[applause]
>> So we have just a few
minutes here and so I would just
like Stephan, I want to hear
a hand go up right here.
Do we have a request for
Stephan to draw something?
>> Oh, draw something.
>> [Inaudible]
>> No draw something.
>> Like anything?
>> Well--
>> Did you want them to
ask questions or draw?
>> Well not naked twister
but anything short of that.
>> Let them ask a couple
questions just in case.
If anybody has a really
pressing question--
>> Yeah.
>> fire away, I don't
want to stop you.
>> Question?
You have a question?
>> Okay. Okay so like what
inspired you for the croc?
>> Yeah.
>> The crocodile.
Like especially the voice.
Like [inaudible] argue
about [inaudible].
>> Yeah. Could you tell
me what it sounds like?
>> Yeah the crocs were a 3
a.m., 3 a.m. in the morning idea
when I was sleeping in that quasi
sleep and I got up and I wrote it
down and the whole thing was there,
how they talk and the whole bit.
The reason they talk that way and
the mom doesn't and the boy does is
that they're in a fraternity.
[laughter] I always
hated those guys.
[laughter] I finally got them back.
The language isn't anything.
You know what it was?
You're probably too young to know
this but there was an old skit
on Saturday Night Live for
those of you who remember
with Frankenstein and Tonto and--
>> Sure. Yeah.
> You know that broken syntax?
>> Yeah.
>> That's all it was.
I get every guess in the world.
People think it's Russian
and the whole bit so, yeah.
>> [Inaudible]
>> It sounds Russian, like if
I heard it it would go hello
[inaudible] [laughter] but I know
everybody hears it different.
>> Yeah. So we're going to get,
you're going to get letters
from the Society of Russian Crocs--
>> Yeah.
>> saying-- so do we have someone,
a request for a character of his?
>> All right.
>> Yes?
>> Make it easy.
>> Right here.
>> Guard Duck?
>> The Guard Duck.
>> Guard Duck.
>> He's easy.
>> While you're doing that I'll draw
Stephan drawing while you're drawing
the Guard Duck.
>> So the Guard Duck,
ooh there goes my mic.
Hold on we got to clip this back on.
Okay. The Guard Duck is always
in profile 'cause I don't know
how to draw him straight on.
Give him his little helmet,
his little head, his duck bill,
strapping the helmet, shade the back
of the helmet then give him
his little 5 o'clock shadow.
This is the only step I leave
out when I'm at schools.
I give him a cigarette here.
[laughter] And then his little duck
body and his fluffy little tail
and his little feet and then
and then the little
segment, and there's Duck.
>> Yay. [applause] I'm learning.
>> Yes? What else?
Somebody else.
Yes? Which one?
>> Andy. The dog.
Oh that one's hard.
I haven't done that one in years.
He's got his little round nose.
You know the problem when you don't
do a character every day is you kind
of forget how to do it oddly enough.
If I ever have a question about my
strip, I ask my son and he helps me
or I go to the Wikipedia page.
[laughter]
>> Wait, wait, you go to
your own Wikipedia page--
>> I do.
>> to help you produce--
>> I don't know who put that
together but it is so accurate.
[laughter] Yeah.
>> Okay. But yeah more
or less like that.
A little rough but yeah, and
he's usually on a chain right?
Boy that, when you talk about
letters, that got me letters.
>> Really?
>> Every time I showed him
on a chain I'd get letters
from every group in the world.
Yeah it's crazy.
People can be so humorless
sometimes.
You know who has no sense of humor?
The Girl Scouts of America.
[laughter]
>> Do tell.
Do tell.
>> They get so angry.
And you know they, I
don't even [inaudible]--
>> Do they actually come to your
door or you're getting letters?
>> I don't know what it is.
I don't know what it is.
I call them little scouts,
I didn't want to call,
I don't call them girl scouts.
>> Yeah.
>> But they are selling
cookies for sure.
>> Okay.
>> But they're not, they
don't find it amusing
when I show little girl scouts
that are you know violent and--
>> Yeah.
>> ripping people off or whatever.
[laughter] Yeah, people
get really angry.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah. Yes?
>> Can you draw the croc
son with his girlfriend?
>> Oh the little croc?
I can do, let me just
draw the little croc.
I have limited abilities
at this point.
Here. Here's the key to Larry.
This is a good cartooning tip.
That second pupil,
see that second pupil?
If you move it over to the side,
if you don't put it in the center
of the eye, it makes the
character look a little bit off,
and so yeah the crocs
are really fun to draw.
I think they're one of the only
characters to have those eyes.
You know the rest are just dots.
If I had to do the strip over,
I think the one change I would make
is not giving them the stick arms
and legs.
>> What would you do?
>> I'd give them, you know,
arms and legs with actual depth.
And the reason why is because if
the character is ever reaching
out over something, a black
field, the arm disappears.
So zebra reaching back
is zebra reaching back
across his mane is zebra
with only one arm left.
So it's really a dumb thing
but you know, there you go.
So there he is, the little croc.
By the way every single
croc looks exactly the same.
I just try to remember with the
mom to put that hair on the top.
>> Yeah.
>> That's the only difference.
Yes? Somebody else,
how about somebody
from farther back this time?
>> Yeah.
>> You want to call
on somebody Mike?
Can you see back there?
>> Yeah, I'm looking for a hand.
Do you see-- it's so bright.
>> Yes.
>> Right here?
>> Oh there okay.
>> Right here?
>> Yes. [laughter]
>> [Inaudible]
>> Fidel Castro, no
that would be hard.
Oh from that strip early on.
>> Okay.
>> He did not write and complain.
[laughter]
>> We have right here a young man.
In the blue.
>> Yes? Yes you.
>> You on the aisle.
Yeah?
>> [Inaudible]
>> Which one?
>> [Inaudible]
>> Who?
>> Can you do Jeffy?
>> Jeffy. Oh, I think I can do that.
I'm going to do that only
because it's a challenge.
Let's see.
Do you guys want to hear
my "Family Circus" story?
>> Yes.
>> I know some of you
have surely heard this.
I'll screw it up.
Usually I have to look at
the drawing to get it right.
[laughter] Isn't that more or less--
>> I've got to switch this.
>> like that kind of head, right?
>> Yeah.
>> Okay here's my "Family
Circus" story.
I made fun of "Family
Circus" an awful lot.
And the truth is, they are both,
-- the dad who's now deceased,
and the son-- they
were both great sports.
Super. In fact the most
offensive one I ever did,
some of you may remember when
I had Osama bin Laden hide
in their house for a week.
[laughter] And talk
about letters by the way.
I was so fearless early on.
Bill Keen, the dad, asked if
he could have the original
so that was hanging in his studio.
So great sense of humor.
And Jeff, the son, Jeff and
I go on USO missions to Iraq
and Afghanistan so we're very close.
>> And around firearms, Jeff has,
you know, you've travelled --
>> Yes.
>> on transfer planes and things.
>> So here's the story.
So I was going to speak in San
Diego and I get the question a lot,
what do the "Family Circus" guys
think when you make fun of them?
And I always tell them you
know they're great sports.
So Jeff Keen, the son who does
the strip now, was going to be
at my talk at Comic Con in
San Diego and I knew that.
And I said Jeff when I
open it up to questions,
people always ask me what do
the "Family Circus" guys think
when I do this, so it's inevitable
I will probably get that question.
And if I get it, I can say
you know we're good friends
and I can point you out
and I can introduce you.
And Jeff said that's, you know
that's great, let's do it.
So I give the talk and when I'm
done I open it up to questions
and sure enough like
I had scripted it,
the very first question was what
do the "Family Circus" guys think--
>> Yeah.
>> when you make fun of their strip?
Then I told them what I told you
which is they're great sports.
They love it, they're super.
As a matter of fact, Jeff Keen,
the creator of "Family
Circus" is here today
and I said Jeff, where are you?
And I looked and in
the very back row
of the auditorium I
see Jeff stand up.
And the only thing I hear
is, screw you Pastis!
[ Laughter and applause ]
>> Oh, he'd been wanting to say
that publicly for a long time.
>> Yeah. [laughter]
>> Do we have time for one more?
>> To draw another one?
Get somebody from the back--
>> Yeah.
>> we're picking all from the front.
>> It's just hard to see.
>> I see, like I see a
hand-- yell out from--
I see three hands back there.
Yell it out.
>> Yeah just shout it.
>> Draw yourself.
>> Yeah.
>> [Inaudible]
>> I'll do both.
Okay.
>> Okay.
>> So for those of you who want
to go home and practice your
"Pearls" characters, this is the
one you could do the easiest.
All you do is a little triangle,
two little dots, give him a snout,
put an ear somewhere up here,
another ear somewhere over there.
Draw the same line
over and over and over.
>> Aww.
>> You can make him
like a little fur ball.
And then don't forget the tail and
the whiskers and you have a cat.
>> 32 seconds.
32 seconds to draw-- that's amazing.
>> Yeah I draw myself in
sort of a weird way don't I?
>> Yeah.
>> Give myself a really big nose and
of course I have to have the hat.
It used to always be a Cal hat.
I'm a grad of the University
of California.
If there is any bear
in the audience,
is there any cal bear
in the audience?
[applause] Yes!
And then I'll give myself big
puffy lips and a goatee that I kind
of don't really have anymore.
You know that's funny, I was saying
this to somebody the other day,
when you draw yourself-- I mean
this is so weird to do this
in the first place, but however
I drew myself in the beginning,
I was committed to continue.
So no matter how much I change,
this is always going to be me.
And then to make it worse, I
give myself a belly [laughter].
And then, people always say at book
signings you don't, you look better
than you do in the comic
and I always say I hope so.
[laughter] This guy
really looks terrible.
So like that.
>> Yeah, awesome.
Thank you.
[applause]
>> You know I used to always
draw myself with a cigarette.
I don't smoke.
But I got a question one time--
I don't know if I told you--
I got a question from a kid at
a signing in Minnesota one time
and he asked me something
about the cigarette.
And I can't remember the question
but I do remember the tone
of the question and the tone
of the question implied,
he thought that was pretty cool.
>> Ooh.
>> And I hate smoking.
So I, you'll never see me
in a strip again smoking.
>> Yeah.
>> Rat sometimes will or
the Guard Duck, but I don't.
So that was exactly what
I did not want to do so--
>> Yeah.
>> yeah so no more smoking.
>> So you've switched to crack or?
>> Yeah, crack now.
>> Okay. [laughter] We have
time for one last question.
So right here a hand
shot up about halfway,
about 20 rows back on the aisle.
Yeah, it's you.
>> [Inaudible]
>> What'd he say, the pig?
Okay.
>> A question, anyone have a
question while he's drawing?
>> Right here.
[ Inaudible audience question ]
>> Good question.
>> Oh that's a great question.
>> Good, great question.
>> Yeah that's a very
personal thing.
I was raised--
>> [Inaudible]
>> Oh well let me repeat it.
>> Oh [inaudible].
>> Is there anything since you're
the "South Park" of comics,
is there anything you will not
draw or self censor yourself about?
>> Yeah, I've never
said this before,
boy that's a good question
'cause I know the answer.
So I was ra- I'm Greek, and I was
raised Greek Orthodox and I was one
of those kids who went
to church every week.
I don't anymore, but it's
just ingrained in me,
so I could not do a strip
making fun of that religion.
I couldn't do it.
I can't, like I see strips sometimes
that have Jesus references.
Just for me personally, it
always makes me uncomfortable.
So I wouldn't do it.
I would not make fun
of somebody weak
who couldn't protect
themselves you know what I mean?
>> Yeah.
>> A, it's not funny but--
>> Comedically just to make
fun of the weak is you know--
>> Yeah.
>> If you're throwing darts,
you want to have a good target.
>> Yeah, you know what's
really interesting too, that--
not to bring everything down,
but that one school
shooting in Newtown--
>> Yeah.
>> I went, I show the Duck
with that gun a lot less.
That really, that really
impacted me and I kind
of stopped doing that so--
>> Yeah.
>> I, yeah there is stuff
I don't think is funny.
The difference between
me and other people is
when other people think
I'm not funny--
>> Yeah.
>> they say get him
out of the paper.
>> Yeah.
>> I don't, if I don't, you
know I may not love "Mutts"--
I like "Mutts"-- oh Jesus,
Patrick's going to see this.
>> Screw you Pastis!
>> But I don't say take
it out of the paper.
Like I don't, that's
not my response.
>> Yeah.
>> I mean as to "Hagar
the Horrible", sure.
But-- no. No.
[laughs]
>> Rest in peace Dick Brown.
>> Yeah but, no but I don't say,
I don't say pull it
out you've offended me.
Take-- you know I don't,
you know do your thing, so.
>> Yeah.
>> That's where, I don't understand
people who when they don't
like my strip say remove
it from my sight.
Isn't an easier way to
not look at the thing?
[laughter] Isn't that
the simplest method?
>> You just--
>> So, anyway.
>> you get them riled up, so.
>> Yeah.
>> Yeah.
>> That's a good question.
That really made me think.
>> That's a great question.
>> Yes.
>> Well--
>> We need one more so we
don't go down on a downer.
>> On a down note?
Okay, I'm being told
we got [inaudible].
>> He's very [inaudible].
>> [Inaudible]
>> Oh, that's a good question.
What is my biggest
controversy that ever happened
on "Pearls Before Swine"?
That was a little llama
that I drew years ago.
He was a diplomat.
And you know llamas when they get
angry they would make a bad diplomat
'cause you know how they spit
on things when they get angry?
[laughter] Okay that wasn't
the problem, the problem was
that I gave him what I thought
was a diplomat sort of name.
I called him Ataturk.
>> Oh.
>> So-- this is a smart crowd.
>> Oh you've heard.
>> Usually I have-- so Ataturk
was the founder of modern Turkey
and I kind of knew that at the time.
What I did not know
was how revered he is.
In Turkey he is a bit
of a combination
of our George Washington
and Jesus Christ.
[laughter] And to criticize him,
if you're standing on Turkish soil,
is a 13 year prison sentence.
>> And I've heard you grew up
going to Greek Orthodox church.
>> Yes. Okay so here's, so the
strip comes out, the strip comes out
and I get a few complaints
in the morning.
I'm used to that, it's
not a big deal,
saying how much they revered him and
this is offensive and that was okay.
But then the complaints
started to get more and more.
So I responded to one of them, and I
responded as casually as I could be.
I think I even threw
in the word dude.
I said dude, I have to tell you,
I don't know much about him.
I know he has something to
do with founding Turkey.
The truth is I just thought
he had a funny sounding name.
>> Yeah. [audience
chattering loudly]
>> Ataturk sounds like
attaboy, you know?
and what I did not know
is that one I chose
to respond to was a reporter.
>> Yeah.
>> A stealth reporter
for the largest Turkish American
newspaper in the United States.
>> Yeah.
>> Who took that quote verbatim
and put it on the front page.
>> Yeah.
>> And all of the sudden I get a
million-- literally 2400 emails.
They would come in the
middle of the night
because they mostly
came from Turkey.
>> Yeah.
>> And they were so violent and
horrible because what happened was
when that story came out, not
only did that comment offend them,
they figured out my last
name and that it was Greek.
And Greeks and Turks,
they don't get along.
[laughter] So I thought
that was, we were just going
to let this thing die and then
sure enough, I got a letter
from the Turkish Ambassador to
the United States [laughter].
Must've been a slow
day in the Embassy.
And he demanded an apology on behalf
of the nation and the whole bit.
So anyways, this w- this, he, this
went all the way up the chain.
This went to my syndicate
United, this went to Scripps,
the owner, the whole bit.
So they want a letter
back to the ambassador.
So they [inaudible]--
>> Did they want an apology?
>> The kind you give your wife,
like a non-apology apology
where you go I'm sorry
that you were so offended.
[laughter] Right?
Which is really just saying boy you
got really over the top on that one.
>> Really, yeah.
>> Yeah so anyways, I
don't really do that.
Sometimes I do that.
But so they craft this
thing really carefully.
There's a ton of lawyers in a room
in New York City, and they're going
through every sentence and I'm
on the phone in California.
And we finish the whole thing
and the whole letter and I go,
hey can I just add a quick
little P.S. to the ambassador?
And no one laughs.
[laughter] What do you
want to do Stephan?
And I said, P.S. please
give Cypress back.
[laughter]
>> Oh. [laughing]
[ Laughter and applause ]
And they weren't laughing.
>> They were not laughing.
>> Okay.
>> So that's it.
>> So that's it.
So tomorrow you and I are
going to the Turkish Embassy
on Massachusetts Avenue
but please give a huge hand
to Mr. Stephan Pastis.
>> Thank you.
>> Thank you.
>> This has been a presentation
of the Library of Congress.
Visit us at loc.gov.