>> Kevin Butterfield:
I'm Kevin Butterfield,
the Director of the
John W. Kluge Center
at the Library of Congress.
It's my great pleasure
to introduce today's speakers.
The Kluge Center, by the way,
is one of the sponsors of this
year's festival. We're proud to
help bring America's most
beloved writers here to join us.
The Kluge Center works to
bring scholars to work in the
collections of the Library of
Congress for up to a year to
study intensively and
extensively and to produce great
works of the sort that
you get to hear about
at the National Book Festival.
Welcome to everyone
who's joining us live
on C-Span today.
We're proud to partner with
C-Span again this year for
today's event.
Our next program features
R.K. Russell in conversation
with Roswell Encina, Ross made
history in 2019 by becoming the
first out active NFL player
to identify as bisexual.
His new book is titled
"The Yards Between Us,
A Memoir of Life,
Love and Football."
Roswell Encina is the chief
communications officer
at the Library of Congress.
Please join me
in welcoming them.
[Applause]
>> Roswell Encina: Thank you,
Kevin. And thank you, Russ.
I finished your book this week,
and it's such a beautiful
memoir. It's very honest,
very profound.
I think it's a little bit of a
love letter to the relationships
in your life, your mom.
But I think especially the men
in your life, I mean
your stepfather, your
biological father, your
childhood friend Hoops, your
best friend, Joe, and,
of course, all your teammates.
How did your relationships
with these men impact you?
>> R.K. Russell: I mean,
that was the foundation of
what I built my manhood off of
what I discern of my masculinity
and my identity
here in this earth
is very much a culmination
of all of these people.
My stepfather, for example,
I lost him at a very young age.
But still, his messages ring
true to me today that the
character of a man isn't off
how big you are or how strong
you are, how intimidating you
are, but off of your word and
your character of saying things
and following through, of being
dependable and accountable for
people. And that's something
I carry with me to this day.
Hoops. My my childhood friend
who I consider a brother now.
Is someone who has taught me
resilience, who has survived
heartache and loss, and being
abandoned by his own family and
becoming a part of mine.
My best friend Joe, about the
heart and about morality and
really seeking out to be the
change in people's life, to be a
light and to be someone that
people can lean on.
My biological father, even
though he was not in my life for
most of it, even an example of
the things maybe not to do,
of the false steps that we can
all take as young men,
and of the heartache
and the importance
of healing from that trauma.
So you don't
continue those cycles.
All of these men, teammates as
well have taught me about the
things that it truly
means to be a man.
And those things have nothing
to do with sexuality or how much
money you make or, like I said,
how big you are being
a football player or not being.
It's about how you affect
people, how you show up in
people's lives, the things that
they say when you're not in the
room about you and the things
that they'll say about you
when you're gone.
>> Roswell Encina: You talk
about a lot in the book
about the struggles you had
when you were a young man.
How did you get
through all that and
who did you lean on to make sure
you could get
through it unscathed?
>> R.K. Russell: A multitude
of people. My mother,
first and foremost.
It's funny because I do talk
a lot about the men in my life,
but the one constant throughout
all of this is my mother.
She's my best friend to this
day, and she taught me so much
just by being herself and being
who she is that there are no
limits and bounds to what you
can do as a person in this
world. She had me
at a very young age.
My mother got pregnant at 19
and had me at 20 as a single
black mother in America.
A lot of what she heard was of
the things she couldn't do, the
person she couldn't beat, the
statistics that we fell
into and she
exceeded all of them.
She was never too
woman for something.
She was never a limited.
She got her masters while
raising me as a single mother
and just was always there
in my life to the point where
even when I was drafted by the
Dallas Cowboys, the first thing
I did was move my mother in
with me because I knew that she
would be that foundation. She
would be that rock for me.
So, yeah, it's it's funny
because I learned, I think,
the most about being the
man also from a woman.
And I think that is pivotal
because also as men, we exist
here with multiplicity of
people, with women and
non-binary people. And we need
to understand how we fit into
these molds, how we should
break these molds at times, and
how to coexist with all types
of people and uplift each other.
>> Roswell Encina:
You also mentioned that,
let me read this, that sports
has given me a lifeline.
Do you mind if I read
a part from your book here?
It says you wrote "Football
was how I found place--
How I found peace in high
school, how I obtained a
scholarship to a top university.
How I attracted most
of my love interests.
Football was how I made
friendships that became
brotherhoods and when
no one else wanted me,
football was home."
>> R.K. Russell:
Yeah. There's so much
of my identity that
I put in football at a
young age. A lot of it for my
benefit, some of it to my
detriment. Football, especially
growing up in Texas, is a
pivotal part, I think
of just culture there.
I say it's the three
F's all the time.
It's family, faith and
football. And though my family
a lot of the times didn't look
like other peoples, though I did
not attend church regularly
like others did, football was
something that I could lean on,
something that I think preceded
all of those things. When they
saw me in something that as the
outside world began to value it
and value me for it, I begin to
do the same. I try to tell
young athletes and really all
people in general that of course
it is okay to sacrifice
things to achieve your dream
and to succeed in the
profession, in the interests
and the creative hobbies or
activities that you love.
But it is never okay to
sacrifice yourself.
And that is a thin line when
walking the line of football,
something that becomes so
obsessive in your life.
And I think that as much as I
love football, as much as it
gave me brothers in the shape
of teammates and mentors, in the
male figures and coaches and
family and purpose and
education, I also let it take
things from me like my
uniqueness, like my love for
self, my individuality,
the ability to challenge the
things that I was told about
being a man or about being
a black man in America.
And and I let it
encompass all of me.
You know, it's okay for it to
be a huge part, but football is
not all that I am, and it took
me a long time to unlearn that.
>> Roswell Encina: Let's talk a
little bit about football here.
You received a
scholarship at Purdue.
You played on their football
team. For the folks in the
audience that do not know what
Red Shirts are, could you
explain to them what
red shirts are and
what did being a
red shirt teach you?
What life lessons
did it teach you?
>> R.K. Russell: Yes. So
red shirting is essentially
when you commit to a college
or you go to a college
to play on their team.
But for whatever reason, that
first year you have to sit out.
For me, it was because
I was a bit undersized.
I was tall and athletic, but
I was kind of small to be a
defensive end. So it was
basically a coach telling me
that I needed to go work out
and eat and get bigger if I
wanted to play in this league,
which I agree, which I did do.
But there of course
are benefits to it.
Like I said, you get
to learn the game.
You get to be around the
college atmosphere and your
other athletes and teammates
and really be in those practices
going against. For me at the
time, Big Ten starters,
All-Americans and things of
that nature, seeing what it
takes and you get the extra
year to kind of prepare and
compete and you still get four
years to play after that,
which is amazing.
And for me it was very vital.
But it also comes with
hardships. Like I moved from
Texas to West Lafayette, Indiana
to play football.
And for a year I wasn't
doing that. For a year,
I was told that you were good
enough to kind of be in the
building, but not good enough
to be out there on the field.
And that is a knock
at your confidence.
It's a knock. You know, the
sacrifices that I've made up to
that point to be there.
And it comes with its own
unique challenges.
>> Roswell Encina: One of
my favorite parts in the book
is when your mom surprised
you for your birthday.
You guys drove around and you
landed at where the Cowboys
play. So it was your very
first NFL game.
It was the Dallas Cowboys
versus the Philadelphia Eagles.
Then not sure if our Cowboys
fans or Eagles fans, but
your life kind of
went full circle there.
Then a few years
later, you get a call.
From Jerry Jones when you
were drafted to the NFL.
What was going
through your mind then?
>> R.K. Russell: That they
better call soon because
it was the fifth round
and I was stressing.
[Laughing]
But no, it's amazing.
Like you said, that
full circle moment.
My mother and that birthday
gift and surprising me with that
game was so pivotal in my
journey because before then,
though I played football, there
was such a disconnect for me in
the NFL. These were people that
were larger than life that were
playing on this TV screen, and
I assumed that everything that
they did was something that I
could not achieve or couldn't
aspire. It wasn't even my realm
of thinking at the time.
But going to see that game and
seeing that those spin were huge
men, that they were still
playing on the same 100 yard
field I was playing on. They
were still playing with the same
type of ball that I was
playing. It was still the same
rules and the same game made it
so much more achievable for me.
And when I get the call in 2015
to be a Dallas Cowboy and I hear
Jerry Jones thick, thick
country accent say my name, it's
validating. Like I said, I
sacrificed so much in that
time period to be a football
player and achieved a dream just
by being drafted that most
people never achieve in their
life, but also
as a professional.
Then at that point you realize
that it's time to go to work.
It's time to show up.
It's time to capitalize on all
the things that you've done up
to this point. And just in
terms of my personal journey,
college was where I was
starting to understand that I
wasn't straight, that
my sexuality for, whether
it was gay or bisexual, because
I didn't have a lot of
information about bisexuality
at the time that whatever it
was, I wasn't straight.
And that was another thing that
I just put under the box of
sacrifices for sports.
And getting drafted in my mind
validated that I was like, Well,
I'm glad that I didn't have a
boyfriend or become open about
my sexuality because I
made it to this point.
>> Roswell Encina: But
people don't realize, I think
once you're in the
NFL, we all assume,
you know, the
money's pouring in.
All the hard work
has paid off already.
There's a lot of work aside
physically, but there's a lot of
mental work that needs to
happen, too, because you never
know if you're going to get
reassigned, then you never know
if you're going to be staying
with a team, if you're going to
get injured. How
was it going from
the Cowboys to the Buccaneers?
>> R.K. Russell:
At first it was devastating.
The Cowboys were
my hometown team.
They were the team
that drafted me.
I think there's pride in every
player where you want to fulfill
that. We all want it to be at
that time, like Jason Witten and
play there forever and retire
there, which even he ended up
going somewhere else. But you
want to be that cemented figure
in your team. You want the
people that decide to bring you
into the room to be right and
to be correct and exceed those
expectations. And getting cut
from the Dallas Cowboys was
my moment of basically,
Oh, shit, I messed up here.
Is there something
I can even do?
Even before going
with the Buccaneers,
I went on several tryouts
that did not work out.
I went to go try out for the
Jets. I went to go try out for
the Patriots. In each trial,
I felt a bit of myself being
chipped away as I got
more and more no's.
And to go to Tampa Bay and
have, in my opinion, my kind of
like least best workout and to
be in that humidity drenched in
sweat and for a team to say,
you know what, we're going to
sign you to the practice squad,
we're going to give you a
chance. It was like that
reignition and that glimmer of
hope that I needed to really
kick it into second gear.
I also remember that was a time
where I was like, okay, there's
no more funny
business in my life.
Like, I'm not hanging
out with friends as much.
I'm not going to be, you know,
I can't be the hometown hero
anymore. I'm not going to date.
I'm going to just
focus on football.
And, you know, life
has a funny way.
As soon as you kind of try to
shut all the doors and focus on
one thing of showing you the
broader picture and where your
focus should lie.
And that happened to me.
>> Roswell Encina:
When you were in Tampa,
something really big
happened in football.
This is when Colin Kaepernick
kneel during the national
anthem. You know, the whole
nation witnessed all this.
What was happening with
the NFL at the time.
Tell me what was happening
behind the scenes.
How were players deciding
if they need a kneel?
It seemed like a probably easy
decision to do it, but what were
the kind of factors being that
players were weighing?
>> R.K. Russell: Yeah,
there was so much going on.
I think especially in the NFL,
people have a perception
of what it is, but honestly, we
really just talk football
or talk sports in general.
Most of the times guys sharing,
we have more moments, but we are
there, some of us there almost
12 hours a day strictly for
football. And that was the
first time where the discussion
in such a large scale was about
something so much more.
I think that there was a lot of
misinformation. There were
players who didn't understand
what the kneeling was about.
There was executives and
coaches who didn't understand.
I know that was the first time
where the Glazer family, the
owners of the Tampa Bay
Buccaneers, came to speak with
all of the team and to come
up with what they
believe to be solutions or to
address the problem, but also to
figure out how we could get all
the players to stand for the
anthem and to support the game
of football in what the anthem
represented. So it
was a bit of a mess,
if I have to be
honest at that time.
>> Roswell Encina:
You struggled with it too.
Whethere you had
to kneel or not.
>> R.K. Russell: Yeah, I mean,
because the anthem means
so much to so many people.
And also police brutality
specifically, and social
injustice for black people and
people of color also is
something that affects me and
my family and everyone that I
know. It affects all of us,
whether we are people of color
or not. And these are
two very big things.
I've had family
be in the military.
My brother currently.
Hoops, he's in the Army.
My dad, Tim Thompson, was in
the Air Force, so I was in the
Navy. My granddad
was in the Air Force.
There are so many things,
like I said, that the anthem
represents to so many people.
It is a conflict. But to me,
the message and the
conversations were being had
and I think that was the
important part. And I think it
was an opportunity for the NFL
to jump in on the discussion.
I don't think at that
time they really did that.
>> Roswell Encina:
Let's talk about the league
there for a second. They
jumped in, made some changes.
What do you think of them?
Do you think it's enough? I
know it's it's a major culture
change that needs to
be done in the league.
But is the league on the right
path when it comes to this?
>> R.K. Russell: I think
the league is on a good path.
I think as we navigate, there's
always missteps, there's always
better paths to make. I think
it's also the representation of
the league is so vast, like you
have younger people who are
watching football. So it's
like, how do we get the message
to them in a way that is both
digestible but also meaningful?
You know, doing things like
putting end racism in the end
zone is something that a lot
of, I think the audience would
see as, okay, that's cute, but
what are we actually doing?
The NFL is also funding change,
funding black owned businesses,
women owned businesses, social
initiatives, hopefully trying to
be more proactive
about issues instead of
reactive. So I think once you
really look at the landscape of
things that they're doing, they
are making an effort.
I think the NFL also just has a
tall task because they're a huge
organization, so there will
always be room to do more.
But I think they're open to
having those discussions and
listening to people who come to
the table and challenge them in
what they do and
what they think.
>> Roswell Encina: We'll get
more to the NFL later on.
Another subject matter, as
you all heard, this year's
National Book Festival's theme
is Everyone Has a Story.
And Jason's story is a very
trailblazing story that we
believe everybody needs to
hear. The librarian of Congress
loves to say that books need
broadens our world, but it also
needs to be a mirror to
everyone's world so they get to
see other people's stories.
And I think this is where your
story comes in.
Very importantly, you in your
book mentioned a lot how you
struggled with your sexuality
and your happiness versus
your career. I mean, that's
football and the league.
And let me just read this thing
and we'll tee it
up right after that.
You said, "The questions in
my head grew louder.
Self doubt about my sexuality
and my identity overflowed into
worries about the future.
There was a bitter irony in how
I was shrinking away from a
dream, even as my hard work had
brought it within reach.
The NFL wanted me, but only
because they didn't
know the real me."
I mean, I don't want to--
That must have been something
really hard to wrestle with.
You worked hard your entire
life for this moment then.
What do I do? Kind of thing.
>> R.K. Russell:
Yeah. Football is one of those
things, those unique things
that though it is a job at that
level, it is one of the few
jobs where it calls to your
manliness or your character
like who you are as a person.
I think that's something that
we focus a lot on in NFL
players, kind of like what that
dialogue is, but we don't
understand that it stems from
childhood that when you pick up
a football at a very young age,
people tell you what type of
person you need to be to play
this game.
And some of it's correct.
Like you kind of need to be a
little crazy to go and hit other
people at full speed and get up
and do it over and over again.
But there's rhetoric,
specifically misogynistic
rhetoric of don't
throw like a girl.
There's being tough, which is,
of course, important, but not
kind of blocking out all
emotions that get up and rub
some dirt on it works in effect
to some effect, but it does not
work for all of
your life obstacles.
And I think when you focus so
much on the type of people that
can play football, you're
really saying what type of
people can't play football?
And I grew up with that as all
of if not most of the players in
the league did as well.
When I realized that I didn't
necessarily fit that type that
I've been told from a very
young age was the football
player, the strong, masculine,
straight, hard nosed,
non-emotional person.
I thought that I might
not a football player.
Do I not belong here?
>> Roswell Encina: I think
that was the hardest part.
I think when I was reading your
book that you struggled a lot
with both depression and,
and maybe binge drinking.
How are you today?
>> R.K. Russell: I'm not
drinking, thank God.
No, thank you. Yeah. No.
I'm four years sober.
September, so.
[Applause]
>> Roswell Encina: Well,
we wish you well on that.
>> R.K. Russell: Thank you.
>> Roswell Encina: This month
is the four year anniversary.
When you wrote that essay
that was published on ESPN.
I'm going to read a little
quick excerpt, then we'll talk
about that. You wrote, "I Want
to live my dream of playing the
game. I've worked my whole life
to play and being open about the
person I've always been.
Those two objectives shouldn't
be in conflict, but judging from
the fact that there isn't a
single openly LGBTQ player in
the NFL, NBA, Major League
Baseball or the NHL
brings me pause.
I want to change that for me,
for other athletes who share
these common goals and for the
generations of LGBTQ athletes
who will come next."
When you were in college, I
believe Michael Sam came out and
most recently
Carl Nassib came out.
He's currently probably the
only NFL player
who's a free agent who is out.
Let me ask you this.
What do you think it will take
for more professional male
athletes to come out?
I know it's going to be a
major culture change.
Should it start with the
whether it's the league
or teammates or the owners
or the sponsors?
I mean, it's a major
undertaking.
And I know you've taken this
to task, but what do you think
needs to change for more players
to feel more comfortable
coming out?
>> R.K. Russell: Yeah, I think
it has to come kind of
from both sides, I think.
We have heard a
little bit more about
how the league feels about its
own inclusion and diversity.
Players have come forward to
talk about just accepting a
player for the merit of their
game and their heart and their
hard work. I think
all of that is great.
I don't think we've had really
that same message from ownership
outside of like Robert Kraft.
I don't think we've had that
same messaging when it comes to
the marketing and promotion.
When you show and you see on TV
or in commercials or in the
stadiums of what type of people
are allowed to be fans, let
alone allowed to be players, I
think it's really making sure
that you ingrain inclusion into
the base of your foundation,
into the base of your
organization to hire LGBTQ+
people, even if they're not out
players as coaches, as
executives, as administration,
all of these things as referees.
The game in and of itself needs
to be more inclusive for people
to feel comfortable.
You cannot ask someone what
would make them feel
comfortable if you don't have
people around that understand
their experience, then you're
just kind of like treating a
wound instead of actually the
problem and the cause of it.
But I personally, though I work
very closely with the NFL and
with professional players in
the sports culture, I truly
believe that the most change
will come with the youth.
I believe, like I was saying,
a lot of that is in culture that
we hear at a young age.
A lot of that is about losing
LGBTQ+ athletes growing up
because they don't feel
included in sport, because they
don't feel supported in sport.
And I think once we fix that
problem because that's going to
affect more people, more people
are going to play at the public
school level, at the city
league level, even at the
collegiate level than in the
professional level.
>> Roswell Encina: So you
think it should start like
since from the
very beginning, like
when kids are playing
touch football or
they're in their little
League baseball games
and start the
culture change there.
>> R.K. Russell:
Yeah, I think that's important.
My goal is not to have every
professional player that's out
or that's LGBTQ+ come out.
That's a great goal.
But to me it's to have LGBTQ+
players get into sport young,
stay in sport and to go
into professional leagues
already out, already being their
true selves, being valued for
that up front and that face
value by teams and being allowed
to just play the game that
they love as themselves.
>> Roswell Encina: I read
a little bit of your essay
from ESPN.
When you published that and when
you did your interview on ESPN,
how did you feel? That must
have been a huge weight off
your shoulders.
>> R.K. Russell: Oh, my gosh.
I describe it, I think, in my
book as coming up for air for
the first time and not realize
that I've been drowning my whole
life. I mean, there are things
that I've done that to this day.
I'm so proud of this book
being one of the top, being
drafted, going to college and
graduating, but coming out, it's
still probably my number one
because it wasn't about
football. It wasn't about other
people or what they thought of
me. It wasn't to at that time
make a statement, even.
It was for me. It was me
choosing my own life.
It was me choosing to live
whatever I had, whatever time I
had on this earth for me and
to prioritize myself first.
And it's something that I think
everyone should do for
themselves. It's something that
I think that sentiment that I
think everyone should have at
some point in their life,
because at the end of the day,
this life is ours.
And regardless of the things
that we like to do or the
activities or the
sports that we play,
we have to live with ourself.
[Applause]
>> Roswell Encina: Since 2019,
you've seen a lot of fans.
A lot of people will
be reading your book.
What kind of reaction are you
getting from either fellow
athletes or just
people on the street?
>> R.K. Russell: Any
reaction that I've gotten
mostly has been positive,
which I'm very thankful for.
But honestly, it's the broad
sweeping, kind of if I had to
pick a similar sentiment in all
the interactions that I have is
thank you for telling the story.
Thank you for having
this discussion.
In a field, especially like
male sports that has not and is
still shying away from the
subject, regardless of whether
we like to admit it or not, we
all know someone that's LGBTQ+
Wwe're probably all related
to someone that's LGBTQ+
and if you don't have that
connection or no one comes to
mind, then that means someone
in your life is suffering.
That means someone in your life
is shrouded in shame and secret
and is too either afraid or
don't feel safe enough, or are
just for a
multiplicity of reasons,
not living a full and loving
life as they should be.
And that is what
this book is about.
That is the message that I'm
trying to convey, that we need
to love people where they are
at, that we need to allow people
to be themselves, that we need
to not judge people before we
know them. I think a lot of the
times we talk about things as if
they are just topics, as if
they are just things on a sheet
to check yes or no to when
these are really connected to
true people's lives and when
these are really points that
people are agonizing
about day in and day out.
>> Roswell Encina: I do want
to say you close the book
by talking about your new
opponent, which is hate.
I'm going to read this
little quick excerpt, too.
"I'm no longer strapping on a
helmet and shoulder pads every
day to clash with
other individuals.
Today, my opponent is hate, the
idea of hate. How we teach it to
younger generations, how we
fund it with our dollars and the
systems that uphold it.
Hate is the true
opponent of all of us.
The idea that someone of
a different color, gender,
religion or sexuality is
lesser than anyone else.
That's the opponent."
I don't have to tell you,
there's a lot of that going on,
whether from book banning to
everything else around the
country. How do you want to
play a part in fighting that?
>> R.K. Russell:
Any way I can.
Honestly, I think we all have a
different piece to play in this
battle against hate. I think
that we've all at some point
felt like we were told we
couldn't do something or we
couldn't be something or that
something in our lives was
incorrect just based off of who
we are or where we were born,
how we were born,
what we look like.
And I don't think that's fair.
I don't think that we should
limit human beings by things
that are beyond our control.
My color, for example,
being one of them.
And I think that's the
importance also of
intersectionality, of being
both a person of color and a
bisexual person, is that I see
the way that this idea
forms different rhetoric around
a multiplicity of topics.
That is why I will stand with
anyone who feels as though they
are being oppressed and feel as
though they're being erased,
silenced, pushed down
into the foreground.
Because that has happened
to me in so many ways.
And if I allow it to happen to
you, then in some way I'm
allowing it to happen to me.
I'm allowing it to happen to
others. I'm okay with that idea.
And I think that is what we
need to all be on the same page
about. We're going
to discuss things.
We're going to have
different points of view.
That's the beauty
of being human.
But at the end of the day, when
someone tells you that they're
hurting, when someone tells you
that they're under attack, when
someone tells you that they
feel unsafe or they feel like
they are not meant to be here,
and by an outside force, that is
when you need to listen. That
is when I think the discussion
kind of needs to stop and the
listening needs to start and we
need to hear what people
are truly feeling
and how we can help them.
>> Roswell Encina: We're going
to be taking some questions
here shortly.
There are two microphones
here on the aisles here.
So feel free to line up
and I'll point to you
if you have a question,
Let's talk about coming out.
So we were talking about how
hard it is for men or
professional male athletes to
come out, but it doesn't seem
the same on the female side.
I believe in the
World Cup right now,
there were about 86 women
who were out among all
the soccer players around the
country. Why do you think it's
more easier for women
to come out?
>> R.K. Russell: Multiple
reasons. I also believe that
me personally, I believe that
women are constantly at the
foreground of change
in our country.
I think that women
are constantly
challenging the status quo.
[Applause]
I think that.
Yeah, women lead
our society in many ways.
I think as a woman,
unfortunately being here in the
States, you're told from birth
the things that you can't do.
And I think women have built up
the resilience to automatically
say, No, you don't define me.
I think that attributes to
women's sports.
I think also more in the
problematic sector of things
that sports I've talked about
the misogyny of sport and that
these young women that are in
sport have been told that in
some way they are less
women for being in sport.
I think then once you kind of
take off that as negative as
that is, you take off the
shackles of then what their
sexual identity is presumed to
be and they're allowed to just
be themselves in a league.
I think that women's leagues
are also built by women.
I think that's women's leagues
are representative of the women
that are in them. We talk about
the WNBA all the time and being
in the forefront of not just
LGBTQ+ and diverse inclusion,
but in social change and using
their voice and their platform,
because that is a
league run by women.
>> Roswell Encina: I think the
same that we were talking about
earlier, I think when
young girls are playing,
it's kind of like
the culture is there
to make things hopefully
easier for them.
We have a question.
Our first question.
>> Yes.
Very proud to hear your story
and see that you
are true to yourself.
I was curious what
were the reactions of your
teammates and management
after you came out?
>> R.K. Russell: Yeah.
My teammates,
whether it be from high school
or college or professional,
were very supportive of me.
Everyone that knew me
personally mostly had very nice
things to say. If anyone
outside of that sphere, even
other players in the league,
felt negatively or indifferent
about it, they didn't tell me,
which I appreciate, but no,
I received so much love
and acceptance and support.
>> That's great. Thank you.
>> R.K. Russell: Thank you.
>> Congratulations on your book.
I'm interested in the process.
Did you just say I'm
going to just write it?
Did you do a little every day?
Did you do-- Just
the whole process of it?
>> R.K. Russell: Of course,
this book was probably
the culmination of
almost three years.
It started with that
coming out essay in 2019,
sharing my story and feeling
how not only it affected other
people, but how liberating it
was for me and wanting to do
that at large.
The process was something that
I was also kind of handheld
through. Fortunately, I had an
agent very early on who read the
essay and loved my writing and
wanted to expand that and to
make this dream come true.
I wrote in flurries through
three years.
There were two months my
boyfriend can attest.
There were two months where I
didn't do anything, and there
was like a month where I was
just in a dark room in a haze,
typing forever.
Writing was challenging,
therapeutic.
I cried. I screamed.
I hated it. I loved it.
It was everything.
I say to this day that
including playing in the
National Football League, that
writing this book was the
hardest thing I ever did in my
life, but is also one of the
most fulfilling. And I had a
great team, great editors,
needed a lot of editing, and we
finally got to something
that felt good for me
and for my story.
>> Roswell Encina:
Very good to you.
You talk about your writing. I
forgot to ask you this earlier.
You mentioned how
it saved you as well.
You've been writing
since you were younger.
You wrote some poetry.
How did writing really help you
kind of maybe internalize and
kind of really help you
maybe act like a little
feel like therapy for you.
>> R.K. Russell: Yeah. I
mean, we talk a lot about
the social issues
here in the constructs,
even the norms, the societal
agreements that we all
adhere to, whether we know it
or not, just by being complicit
in this world and
in certain things.
But there's none
of that in writing.
For me, writing was such
a judgment free zone.
It was a zone where there were
no rules, where I didn't have to
be anyone I wasn't, where I
could be someone else if I
wanted to, where I could jump
into a book and experience
something so far removed from
what my own experience was and
create empathy around it,
or see a vision that I wanted
to cultivate in my life.
And that was something that I
constantly sought out in writing
that regardless of how the
world saw me, I could grab a pen
and a piece of paper and create
my own image of who I am and who
I'm meant to be in the life
that I want to live.
It's something that still draws
me to things like this, to be
honored to be a part of such an
amazing program with so many
authors who have challenged the
status quo, who have wrote their
own stories and shed light to
so many things that I, even as a
person in the space,
was unaware of.
Writing will continue to be,
I believe, the truest form of
communication and connection
for me, and it's something that
I value so much.
>> Roswell Encina: Wonderful.
>> Hi. I saw that your
book is being turned into
a television show
and I was wondering
how sort of that process
is going for you
if you're sort of involved
in like the hands on
writing and how it feels to
have your life being adapted
into something that's
made for a larger audience?
>> R.K. Russell: Yes, I
would like to first say that
there is a strike happening
right now in Hollywood
with the NYGA and the
SAG, and I very much
support that. That's very
important that everyone feels
as though they have fair wage,
fair compensation
and protection.
[Applause]
So that's first and foremost.
But in terms of this book in
the series, I've been honored to
have the option come from
Gabrielle Union herself, to be
in conversation with her, to
have Sony Pictures, then take
that on as well in development
and been asked to be a
co-executive producer
and a co-writer.
So I'll continue to be writing
and telling stories and trying
to bring this book to as many
people in this story, to as many
people as I can, and also a
chance to tell other stories.
It's supposed to be a comedy,
so hopefully I'm funny.
[Laughing]
And we can make we
can make that happen.
And I think for that part to
laugh and to know that you're
going to sit down and have a
good time makes talking about
things like this a little
easier. No one really wants to
sit down and watch an hour
long, I believe an hour long
berating or lecture or all the
things you should be doing when
you're doing this. But I think
more people would love to come
to the table and have a good
laugh and love each other and
hopefully at the end of it
understand each other a little
bit more. But the
process is great.
Gabrielle Union is amazing.
It's a dream to work on.
Hollywood is crazy in good ways
and in not good ways, but it's
truly just I'm honored to
be able to tell stories.
>> Thank you.
>> Roswell Encina: Yes, sir.
>> Hey, congratulations
again on your sobriety.
I'd love to hear a little bit
more about how getting sober
might have been connected with
the other happenings
in 2019 in your life.
>> R.K. Russell: It definitely
was. I came out late August
of 2019, and then after
a long weekend of kind of
looking at my life and
being like, Oh my God,
what have I done for the better?
And for just the different.
I realized that alcohol was no
longer serving me in my life.
I realized that a lot of the
times when I could have been
seeking healing or
understanding or reflection,
I sought out alcohol instead.
And though I might not have had
what people would classify as an
addictive personality or
alcoholism, I knew that alcohol,
I had a negative relationship
around it and that it never made
anything in my life better.
My partner, Corey O'Brien,
is also sober.
He's ten years sober as well.
So seeing someone live a life
of sobriety and live a life of
connection and still be in
entertainment and doing what
they want and achieving their
dreams and having that guiding
light was huge
in my own journey.
>> Roswell Encina: Yes, sir.
>> Yeah. Congratulations
again on your book
and your ability to be
your authentic self.
I'm wondering whether or not,
as you move from one
professional team to another
team from Dallas to Tampa Bay
and so on and the teams
that you try to go to
in between, do you feel like you
were discriminated against
because of your sexuality
that you may have
been able to hang with
some of those teams.
If there would not have
been an indication
that you might of bisexuality.
>> R.K. Russell: Yeah.
I can say that.
I'm not sure about that
experience.
I wasn't out at the time and
there were multitude of reasons
why teams turned me down. That
all also made sense to me.
Even being the proud football
player I am, I understand that.
I will say that after coming
out though I was getting calls
prior to after coming out, I
did not receive any more calls
from leagues.
I can also say that I think the
evidence that there is only one
out active player right now in
the league is evidence, maybe
not of discrimination, but that
there is not enough being had to
make players feel
comfortable and included.
I also talk about in this book
the choice that I make in my
life not to chase conspiracy
and not to wonder of the things
that could have, should have
would have for me in personally
because my life is so full and
I believe that I am in my
purpose now. But I want those
people coming up at the league
to not have that fear of being
discriminated against, to know
that regardless of how they
identify, they will be judged
purely off of their ability
to help a team win.
And that is my goal today.
>> Roswell Encina: Yes, ma'am,
with the Festival of
Books T-shirt from L.A.
>> Thank you. Thank you
so much for coming.
I was wondering, I'm also
bisexual and I was wondering
about your journey between
finding that out, because I know
a lot of people like struggle
between am I gay, am I bisexual?
And I was just wondering what
that journey is for you.
>> R.K. Russell: Yeah, same.
I had the same
struggles in college.
I was figuring out that I
wasn't straight, but bisexuality
a lot of times did not
feel like an option.
It felt like I was told that
bisexuality were gay individuals
who were afraid to say that
they were gay and holding on to
a bit of masculinity. Which
even if that is the case for
someone, I understand that
as well that it is scary being
LGBTQ+ in the world, that a lot
of the times we do what we
can to survive or to blend
or to be accepted.
But for me it was kind of lack
of representation and lack of
story and lack of accessible,
overtly accessible information
about bisexuality.
That made my journey a
little more challenging.
I would say. Unfortunately, I
entered a lot of relationships
to learn about myself.
I think that's what
we do as young people.
But I look back at it like, I
probably shouldn't have done
that. But no, it was, I
think, drawn out, I would say,
because a lot of the times I
was having genuine relationships
and feelings with both genders
and I just didn't see
bisexuality as a landing spot.
I had to really say to myself
that this is who I am.
At that time, I didn't know
anyone else who was bisexual.
Of course, after coming out,
there are so many people that
are bisexual and it's about why
aren't we hearing those voices?
Why aren't we hearing those
stories? Why aren't we seeing
those people put
in the foreground?
And that's a little bit
of what this is about, too.
So thank you for sharing
as well. I appreciate that.
>> Thank you for
creating a resource.
>> R.K. Russell: Thank you.
>> Thank you for
writing this book.
My question is about in your
work on eradicating hate.
My question has to do more
specifically with what would you
say to an African American male,
boy who liked football or liked
sports, felt like, I don't
think I'm straight, but lived in
an environment where
there's hate, bullying?
What would you say to them
to give them hope?
>> R.K. Russell: With any
LGBTQ+ person, especially,
my priority first
is about safety,
that there are environments
in places where
being yourself or being othered
in any way is a direct conflict
to your safety.
So I would say to prioritize
your safety first and foremost
over all things.
I'm not of a rose colored glass
perception that just be yourself
and everything will be great,
that there are a lot of true
challenges and true systems.
I would tell them and point
them to the people, myself or
the people in their own
community areas doing the work
to make sure that LGBTQ+
youth are safe and protected.
I would hopefully point them
to a resource that they have,
if not within their community,
then online that they can access
and talk about because every
situation is also very
different. But I will let them
know that there are people out
there just like you, that you
being who you are is what makes
you special and
beautiful and bright.
And it is your superpower,
whether you are shamed for it or
bullied for it or not.
And that regardless of where
you are now, you can find
the community, the love,
the joy, the happiness.
You don't need to change.
The world needs to change.
And we're working on that.
>> Roswell Encina: Unfortunately
we're running out of time,
so we only have time
for one more question.
We'll take it from you.
>> Actually, you just
answered my question.
I'm a marching band mom,
though, and I want to say
thank you to you because
you're the first football player
who ever had anything
I needed to hear.
>> R.K. Russell:
Oh, my gosh. Thank you.
[Applause]
> Roswell Encina: We'll
take one question from you.
>> Okay. Hi. I just wanted to
say thank you so much for
sharing your experience.
Truly, truly wonderful.
And my question was, with
intersectionality with other
sports, what do you think
the NFL can do better?
Like I know MLB has like Pride
Nights and stuff like that and
certain other sports do
other things for that.
Where do you think the NFL can
improve in that regard and
do you think there's like some
intersectionality between like
MLB athletes, NBA athletes
and like NFL athletes
that we can learn from kind of?
>> R.K. Russell: Of course. I
think every major sports league
either has a lesson to learn
or a precautionary tale of
what not to do. I think
looking at MLB and NBA,
they have ambassadors
of LGBTQ+ inclusion
that were also players.
I think that can be done.
I think, like I said,
intentionally building out the
LGBTQ+ or honestly, just
the diversity and inclusion
equity divisions in
the NFL can be done.
I think looking at the WNBA and
the female sports leagues,
listening to the players and
have them lead social change and
be the forefront of that, I
think is very important as well.
I mean, the list really goes on.
The possibilities are really
endless, but I think at the
forefront it's about building
it into your foundation, making
sure that the people in the
room making the decisions are
of the communities that they're
making the decisions about.
>> Roswell Encina:
I can't end this without
having to ask questions.
[Laughing]
[Applause]
>> So as a trans and bisexual
boy, I've been having a little
bit of trouble with my identity.
So, like, what would you say
about, like, finding yourself?
Like, what would
you say about that?
>> R.K. Russell:
Oh, gosh.
I would say honestly,
that it's a journey that
even at the age of 31,
I know that I do not know
everything about myself,
but that you and hopefully
everyone around you has given
you the opportunity and the
freedom to learn, to discover,
to identify and re-identify,
and figure it out, to challenge
your own concepts and the
concepts around you
of who you should
be or who you are.
I think that as time goes on,
you will feel more yourself.
I think you will find people
that see you for you and
love you and accept you
as just as you are,
and that it's okay to challenge
the world around you.
The world around you is not
perfect. It's ideas made up by
other people. It's okay
to challenge ideas.
And I love you and I appreciate
you being here.
[Applause]
>> Thank you.
>> Roswell Encina:
And that is such
a perfect way to
end this session.
R.K. Russell, everyone.
[Music]
[Music]